


The Rooftop

by DawnOfTomorrow



Series: High Above [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst, Anxiety, Confusion, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Homophobia, Lack of Communication, M/M, Mental Illness, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempts, There will be a happy ending, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, no really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:35:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 114
Words: 72,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24890908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DawnOfTomorrow/pseuds/DawnOfTomorrow
Summary: A rooftop. Yuuri never expected to find himself on one - nor to tackle someone away from the ledge of one. Needless to say, he wasn't prepared - but he had to try, right? He had to try to help the other man.He has his own demons to fight - but just maybe, fighting their demons together is the way to go... even if they don't know what they're doing.'Two steps forward one step back' isn't always bad - maybe it's just a dance?
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri & Victor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Series: High Above [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1809676
Comments: 406
Kudos: 287





	1. Chapter 1

When Yuuri snuck out of the banquet hall after his fourth glass of champagne, he was utterly relieved when nobody noticed him. Really, it was no surprise that they didn’t. Everybody was already busy looking for someone else – namely Victor Nikiforov, who had disappeared half an hour earlier.

Those who WEREN’T looking for the now five-time gold medallist were watching Chris Giacometti, the silver medallist, on a stripper pole. God only knew where he got a stripper pole from in Sochi, but that wasn’t Yuuri’s problem.

He liked that he could get away. That nobody noticed when the screw-up, the dead-last skater left. Why would they? He was nobody. Victor Nikiforov himself didn’t even know his name, after all. They’d competed, and apparently, in a competition with a total of six skaters, he hadn’t made enough of an impact for the other man to remember his name or his face.

Just to punish himself, and because his legs already hurt, he decided to take the stairs to his floor rather than the lift. It was stupid, childish, and he wanted it that way. The banquet hall was on the eleventh floor, his room on the fourteenth. It wasn’t much of a walk really, but still. Jogging up the empty staircase felt oddly therapeutic.

That faded quickly when Yuuri noticed that he wasn’t alone anymore. Just as he was about to pull open the door to his floor, somebody else noisily opened the door a floor or so above… and the person headed up? The hotel only had seventeen floors in total, there wasn’t much reason for someone to go up.

Out of morbid curiosity as much as a strong desire NOT to go back to his room yet, he… followed. The person above wasn’t walking very quietly so it was easy enough to walk a floor below and not get caught. Yuuri followed them all the way to the seventeenth floor… and past it.

With a noisy screech, the door to what he assumed to be the roof was yanked open, and by then Yuuri really was curious. He darted up the last few steps, his legs heavy and his muscles burning from the effort, but he caught the heavy door before it could slip shut.

Peering through the gap, he felt like an idiot. The person was probably only there to smoke. There weren’t very many places it was allowed anymore and the hotel wasn’t one of them. Strict policies and all that.

Except… the figure, a man, he realised, didn’t pull out cigarettes. Clad in track pants and a hoodie with the hood pulled over his head, the person didn’t so much as react to his environment. In fact, he didn’t do anything at all, just stood in the freezing-cold Russian air for a few moments. Then… Yuuri watched in confusion as the person approached the half-concrete half-mesh guard-rail around the rooftop.

It was only about five feet high in total… and the mystery person hopped onto the concrete half with the grace of an athlete.

In muted shock, Yuuri realised what he was seeing. Pale hands gripped the edge of the mesh at the top and before he could think better of it, Yuuri was running, sprinting like he never had before in his life.


	2. Chapter 2

He didn’t bother slowing down, simply jumped, and bodily tackled the person down from the fence. They both hit the ground, and hard. Yuuri felt something in his shoulder twinge, his hip scream in protest as he wrapped around the other man and they rolled once or twice. Yuuri moaned quietly, trying to find which way was up when he realised that the person in his arms… wasn’t moving away.

Sitting up awkwardly, he looked at the man. He was taller and broader than Yuuri and had landed on his stomach. Clearly a little more together than him, he had pushed up onto his elbows quietly. Yuuri hissed in pain as he sat up properly.

“What… what were you doing?” He asked, well-aware of the answer but desperate for something to say, anything at all.

“I should think that was pretty obvious.” The man replied and Yuuri’s blood ran cold. He knew that voice. Would know it anywhere, even though he’d only heard it in person once, only heard it speak six words to him. ‘Commemorative photo? Sure, I don’t mind.’

The words echoed in his mind as the realisation sunk in. Victor Nikiforov. Victor Nikiforov had just tried to throw himself off of a rooftop. Right after his fifth Grand Prix win.

“Well… yes.” He mumbled, even more lost for words than before. Victor sat up as well, brushing dirt from his hoodie.

Seeing what he already knew didn’t help – silver hair, blue eyes, and pale skin. Yuuri gulped.

“Why?” An uncharacteristic expression entered the other man’s face. He was usually smiling, laughing, winking at fans, but then and there… he was sneering.

“Why WHAT? Why am I trying to kill myself here? Why am I doing it at all? Why now?”

“Y-Yes.” He stammered out because obviously ALL of the above. Victor glared at him with more venom than he’d thought the sparkly man capable of.

“That’s none of your business, is it? We don’t know each other.”

Yuuri very nearly visibly recoiled. “N-No, we don’t, and it isn’t, b-but I’m asking anyway. You don’t… have to tell me.” He added the last sentence when Victor’s glare only intensified.

For a few moments, the only sounds between them were the howling of the icy wind and soft clatter of the mesh-fencing. Then… the fight seemed to drain out of Victor and he half-slumped forwards, his eyes trained down on the ground.

He gave a harsh laugh that made Yuuri jump. “I don’t suppose you’re going to just leave and let me be?”

“Obviously not!” Yuuri exclaimed, scandalised – how could the other man even THINK that? What kind of person WOULD?

Victor shrugged. “Then I might as well tell you, I suppose.” Except he didn’t – they sat in silence for a few more moments before Yuuri tentatively reached out to touch the other man’s arm, unsure what to do, what to say. If there was something appropriate to say in situations like that, he didn’t know it.

Victor flinched at his touch and he quickly drew back his fingers, mentally cursing. Of COURSE he wouldn’t want to be touched by a stranger, certainly not there and then.

“It was supposed to mean something. This one.” Victor said after taking a shuddering breath.

“This… one?”

Victor nodded. “This medal, this win. This one was the one that was supposed to feel… good.” Yuuri sighed, realisation setting in slowly, strange as it was.

“I’m guessing… it didn’t?” He asked, carefully.

The Russian shrugged again. “No. Everybody was happy to tell me how I was supposed to feel, what it was supposed to be like. Except it wasn’t any of it. Just like before. I’m sick of it.” His last words were spat with the same venom he’d had in his gaze earlier and Yuuri very nearly reached for him again.

Instead, he settled into a more comfortable sitting position. “How long… has it been this way for you?”

Victor shivered – whether from the cold or his words, Yuuri didn’t know. “Can’t remember. Four years? Seven? Twenty? Does it matter?” Yuuri’s fingers clenched into fists.

He didn’t know the answer. “Does anybody know?” He asked instead, not overly surprised when Victor shook his head. “Your coach? Another one of the Russians?” He tried again, hoping there was someone, anyone. Yuuri knew he needed help, he didn’t know what to do, how to handle himself here.

Of course, he didn’t have his phone on him either, he’d left it in his room, unwilling to look at the messages and news about his failure. He cursed mentally.

Victor shook his head, head still hanging low. “Why… like this?” He asked, regretting the words as soon as the other man’s head snapped up and cool blue eyes met his own. Victor studied him for a moment, then smiled wryly.

It was nothing like his usual smiles, wasn’t much of an expression at all, really. Yuuri shivered again.

“Irony.”

“Irony…?”

Victor’s smile increased by a fraction. “I’m good at jumping. Always have been.” Yuuri gaped at him, his mouth hanging open in disbelief.

“That’s… idiotic.” He replied, slapping a hand over his mouth a moment later when Victor mirrored his gaping expression. Stupid, he chastised himself – obviously calling a suicidal person an idiot was NOT a good thing to do! Still, it was too late to take it back… and Victor burst out laughing.


	3. Chapter 3

Yuuri watched in mute horror as the Russian man practically keeled over from laughing so hard, a hand clutching his stomach as he curled in on himself. He could tell that it was hysterics, most of it, but the reaction still… surprised him.

It took Victor a few minutes to recover, for a more neutral expression to settle back on his face. “Are you cold?” Yuuri blinked at the unexpected question. He realised he was shivering.

“I… yeah. Aren’t you?”

Victor shrugged. “Not really. I’m Russian.”

That made even less sense than his earlier explanation. Ignoring the very obvious ‘keep out’ air around the man, Yuuri deliberately reached out and brushed his fingers over Victor’s cheek. He was freezing, possibly worse than Yuuri was.

He also flinched away from the touch, yet again. Yuuri didn’t pull back, reached further, and pulled his hood back over his head. “You’re freezing, actually. Some Russian you are.” It was… the wrong thing to say, if the raw pain that filtered through his eyes was anything to go by. Victor smacked his hand away.

“What would YOU know, Mr. Japan’s ace?” He hissed. Yuuri pulled back, surprised that Victor knew who he was after all, and that he left the hood where it was.

“You’re joking right? What do I know about not being very good at what I’m supposed to be? Have you SEEN me skate today?”

Victor frowned. “No.” Of course, he hadn’t. Yuuri fought to keep his expression impassive even as the other man studied him. “Saw the scoreboard though.” Victor added a moment later and Yuuri grimaced. A full hundred points lower than Victor. SEVERAL skaters could have completely skipped their short programs and would have STILL beaten him.

“Not very fitting for an ‘ace’, now was it?” He asked, unable to keep his displeasure from his voice entirely. To his surprise, Victor shrugged.

“Sixth best in the world? Dozens if not hundreds of skaters didn’t even qualify.” He snorted, couldn’t help his reaction to VICTOR NIKIFOROV saying something like that.

“I qualified and I blew it completely. My base score was nearly as high as yours. I fell six times.”

Victor raised an eyebrow. “Why?” Mouth already open to respond, Yuuri found himself unsure what he was supposed to say. The truth… wasn’t nice, wasn’t pretty. He probably shouldn’t tell someone in Victor’s position something like that. Still, he wasn’t a liar either, never had been.

“My dog died. I found out yesterday.” For a moment, Victor said nothing at all. Then a grimace crossed his features.

“What sort of dog was it?” Yuuri gave him an incredulous look. Surely, he wasn’t serious? He couldn’t have just asked after the breed of his dead dog?

It appeared he WAS serious though. He let his mind mull that over for a moment. “Toy poodle.” He eventually answered, reluctantly. Victor’s expression didn’t change so much as it softened a little.

“I have a standard poodle. Makkachin.”

“Is she… here?” Yuuri asked. He knew about Makkachin of course – she was the reason he’d gotten his own poodle, after all. Not that he was about to say that.

“No. She’s at home. In St. Petersburg.” Yuuri nodded – not unexpected. “I’m… sorry about your loss.” Victor said after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. Yuuri narrowed his eyes at him – it was the first unprompted comment the man had really made. That was a good thing, he thought. Probably. Maybe.

“Thank you.” He replied – what else was there to say? Yuuri awkwardly tried to hide his hands in the sleeves of his suit jacket – the cold temperature really was getting to him. Victor acted like he didn’t mind like it was nothing. Still, he could see the way his skin was turning ashen rather than pale.

“You should go inside.” Victor remarked, nearly making Yuuri laugh. He wasn’t wrong of course.

“Not unless you come with me.”

Victor scowled. “No.” Yuuri shrugged – cold or no, he wouldn’t leave the man, not for anything in the world.

“You might catch pneumonia.” Victor threatened.

“If you’re so concerned, then come with me.” The older skater simply deepened his scowl. He wasn’t wrong though – they really needed to leave the roof soon. Russian winters were NOT the right setting for a rooftop chat… of course, a friendly chat wasn’t quite the situation they were in, either.

“No.” Victor once again repeated. Yuuri wasn’t really surprised, though the sting of the cold was making it a little harder to think. At least he’d stopped shivering. That was… something, at least.

“You’ll catch your death up here.” Victor remarked and if Yuuri had felt even slightly less terrified of doing something wrong, he might have laughed at the hypocrisy.

Instead, he watched as, after another minute of silence, Victor stood up. Yuuri struggled to follow, scrambling to his feet awkwardly, his limbs heavy. He barely realised when a hand carefully steadied him before pushing him towards the door.

“Go.” Yuuri shook his head.

“Not without you.” The taller man stared into his eyes for what seemed like an eternity, almost as if he was searching for something.


	4. Chapter 4

He seemed to find it, eventually, because he scowled for a long moment before nodding.

“Fine. What floor is your room on?”

Nearly sagging in relief, he allowed himself a small smile. “Fourteen.”

Victor nodded and stepped over to the heavy metal door to the staircase and pulled it open with visible effort. He motioned for Yuuri to step through first.

He shook his head, suddenly gripped by panic that Victor might simply close the door behind him and try again before he could stop him. “Go on.” He said instead, focusing on the other man’s reactions. Victor seemed… startled, almost. Still, he stepped through the door first and Yuuri followed eagerly.

The previously cold staircase felt almost too warm, his skin burning from the sudden lack of biting wind. It hurt, more than the cold had. Victor was looking back at him from the second step down. “Coming?” Nodding and once again shivering, he stumbled after the noticeably more graceful Victor.

Though they were walking downstairs, the four flights of stairs they took had his already abused legs aching quite a bit. Even Victor’s steps were less sure as they approached Yuuri’s floor, though he wasn’t sure if it was for the same reason.

Fumbling, he pulled out the key-card to his room. 1406. This time, when Victor opened the door to the hallway, he stepped through first, pleased when the other skater followed. It was a short walk down the hallway to Yuuri’s door – he shared the floor with other skaters, not that he knew many of them.

In his attempt to press the key-card to the reader, Yuuri’s shaking fingers dropped it. Before he could reach for it, Victor had already picked it up, unlocked the door, and practically shoved Yuuri through it. He caught himself on the desk a few steps into the room and turned around.

They’d spent the entire walk in uncomfortable silence, and Victor was now standing awkwardly in the door.

“Come in.” Yuuri requested. He wasn’t about to leave the other man alone if he could help it. While Victor was with him, he could… well, he could find a way to get in touch with someone who could help at least.

“No.” Victor said. He didn’t move from the door though, so Yuuri repeated the invitation. The second time, it worked. As if in slow motion, Victor crossed the threshold and let the door fall shut behind himself.

Yuuri nearly collapsed from relief. Somehow, the closed door that separated them from the rest of the hotel felt… safe. Safer. Like maybe, things would be okay, at least for a while. He turned towards the thermostat and turned it up – they both needed to be warm.

“Come on, you don’t have to stand by the door.” He all but ordered, and this time there was no hesitation. Victor approached him, sitting on the empty bed next to Yuuri’s own as he watched Yuuri.

“You should put on something other than that horrible suit.” He remarked and Yuuri glanced down at himself.

“That bad, huh?”

“Mh, just a little. Don’t you have anything better?” The man stood and started digging through Yuuri’s luggage as if it was his own. Unable to do anything but stand there and watch, Yuuri realised just how… weird his whole situation was. Victor Nikiforov was digging through his suitcase looking for clothes.

Victor… who was apparently suicidal, something that, somehow, nobody had seen. He had no idea how it was possible for someone so in the limelight as him to get to that point… but Yuuri had the strange urge to help.

He didn’t know whether it was because he idolised the man or simply out of compassion, but something within him almost seemed to call to the other man. Said man had just stood again, holding a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt. “These are the best you’ve got. Off you go, change into them.”

He accepted the clothes with a nod and walked into his little bathroom before he could think better of it. Normally quite orderly, he changed as quickly as possible, throwing down his suit just because he was worried about leaving Victor alone for too long.

Still pulling down his shirt, he dashed back out of the bathroom to find him sitting on the bed – Yuuri’s bed this time – and speaking to someone on the phone. He paused briefly when he noticed Yuuri’s return, before continuing his phone call. Since Yuuri knew just about no Russian at all, all he could do was straighten out the shirt and wait for Victor to finish.

When he hung up, Yuuri sat on the other bed. “Who did you call?” He asked.

Victor shrugged. “Room service. That looks better on you than that awful suit. You should burn it.” Blushing slightly, Yuuri tugged on the shirt again. It was just a regular shirt really, but then he hadn’t exactly packed anything fancy for himself.

Victor, of course, looked unfairly amazing even in his mismatched track clothes.

“Do you…” He looked up to meet Victor’s eyes when the other man spoke, surprised by the hesitancy there. He tilted his head, waiting for Victor to continue. “Do you still want… to know? About the roof?”


	5. Chapter 5

Yuuri held his breath for a moment, nodding slowly. It seemed like Victor actually wanted to talk about it, rather than just snap at him. Maybe the warmth of the room was doing them both good.

“Well, I… I was upset. That you stopped me.” Yuuri nodded – he’d seen as much. “I wanted… it to stop. I was sick of pretending.”

He drew a shuddering breath, a hand clenching into his silver hair. Yuuri’s heart clenched painfully at the obvious… anguish he saw in the other man. “Can’t you… not pretend?” He softly asked when Victor didn’t continue.

“What do you mean?”

“You should be able to be yourself. Who you are. No matter what. Can’t you… do that?” He asked.

Victor chuckled softly. “It’s not that easy. I have an image to uphold, sponsors to keep happy, contracts with clauses…”

Yuuri sighed. “But… why does that mean you can’t be yourself? Surely you can still skate, even without having to hide?”

Victor’s smile was absolutely heart-breaking when he looked up at Yuuri. He opened his mouth to respond when someone knocked. Yuuri stood and made his way to the door. A quick glance through the peephole revealed that it was his coach outside. He opened the door, just a fraction.

“Yuuri! There you are! You just disappeared from the banquet! Something wrong?” He bit back the most obvious responses – that he’d been gone for well over an hour and that it had taken the other man that long to notice, that Celestino smelled like alcohol and that OBVIOUSLY there was something wrong because his coach had SEEN him skate that day.

Instead, he settled for a shrug. “Not feeling too well, that’s all.”

Celestino nodded. “Did you hear? Apparently Nikiforov disappeared too. Nobody knows where he’s gone off to.”

Yuuri stiffened immediately, well-aware that the man in question could easily hear them, much as he was hidden from sight. “I… I see.”

“I know you were hoping to meet him. Shame, ey?” Celestino continued, thankfully oblivious of Yuuri’s discomfort. He’d rather not be questioned about it.

“It’s, it’s fine. I’m sure he has a good reason for disappearing.”

Celestino laughed, a little too loud, a little too drunk.

“Yeah, yeah maybe. But you know his press, he’s probably off in a club somewhere with some Russian beauty. Ah, to be young again!”

Yuuri winced at his words, wishing nothing more than for his coach to leave already. “Well, who knows where he is. You, uhm, you should maybe go to bed? You look a little unwell.”

Celestino blinked at him. “Oh? Oh yeah, I’ve had a few too many maybe. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

He clasped Yuuri’s shoulder, a little too hard and Yuuri forced himself to smile. Thankfully, with that, the other man was satisfied and stumbled down the hallway. His own room was 1411. Normally Yuuri would have helped him, but… he had more important things to do.

Closing the door and locking it, he turned around, only to come face-to-face with Victor. He hadn’t heard the man approach at all. “I’m sorry about my coach.” He offered.

Victor simply shrugged. “Nothing I haven’t heard before. The Russian playboy and all that.”

Yuuri didn’t miss the sardonic tone of his voice.

“If it helps… I, uh, don’t think you are.”

Victor gave him a peculiar look. “Oh? So what do YOU think, then?”

He shrugged a little helplessly. “That you’re an amazing skater. You’ve inspired me for years. That’s really all I care about.” It was only a half-lie – he cared very much, of course, but not in the way most other people did. At least he thought so.

“Oh? Not interested in my private life?”

Yuuri chuckled. “Not like that. I mean… back when I had my senior debut, a friend of mine came with me and I hugged her when I won gold. There was an article the next day about my ‘girlfriend’. It was humiliating.”

Victor nodded. “She wasn’t your girlfriend?”

Yuuri walked past him and laid down on his bed, pleased when Victor followed and laid on the other one. “No, she wasn’t. I had a crush on her though. She didn’t know that. She got really angry too and said a few… rude things.”

He winced. He didn’t blame Yuuko anymore, however at the time, her loudly explaining to their friends how horrible and disgusting the idea of dating Yuuri was, had been… painful. “I quickly learned not to pay attention to what the media claims about people’s private lives.”

The other man said nothing, leaving Yuuri to continue the conversation. “Anyway, it was okay in the end. After a while, I realised, I, uh, prefer men anyway, but I guess my point is that I know better than to take everything at face value. I believe what I see on the ice.”

Victor nodded slowly before narrowing his eyes at him.

“You’re… gay?” Victor’s voice was strangely tentative. Suppressing a blush because HOW in the world had he just come out to his idol, Yuuri nodded. To his utter bafflement, Victor… blushed. It wasn’t the kind of scarlet that Yuuri turned when he embarrassed himself, more of a pink tinge but with the man’s light colouring it was impossible not to notice.

A strange thought crept in on Yuuri. “What about you?” He asked, the words hanging heavily in the room between them.


	6. Chapter 6

Victor flinched and turned away. “It’s illegal to be gay in Russia. Or to be more precise, it’s forbidden to… do anything about it. Or talk about it in front of minors.”

Another piece of the puzzle slotted into place. “I see. It’s… it’s not forbidden in Japan, but it’s frowned upon. Uh, a lot.” Victor nodded. Cautiously, Yuuri tried again. “Having to hide that… must be difficult.”

The Russian shrugged. “Not after this many years.”

“I… see.”

Victor sighed, deeply. “I’m gay…”

Yuuri smiled wryly, unsure what to say. It shouldn’t make his heart beat faster to hear his childhood idol say that, yet it did, somehow.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever said it out loud before!” Victor said with a huge smile, so obviously fake it was nearly painful for Yuuri to look at.

“You shouldn’t… smile like that.” Yuuri gently admonished and the fake expression dropped.

“Why not? It’s what people want. Smile, Victor. Skate, Victor.” Yuuri wrapped his arms around himself, once again completely out of his depth. “Not what YOU want then, _Yuuri_?” The strange inflection Victor put into his name made him want to back away, to flee almost.

He stood his ground.

“I want… you to be yourself. Whoever that is.”

“Oh? Is that all?” The man’s tone was mocking.

“Who else would I want you to be?”

Victor shrugged. “Someone less twisted. Someone less broken. Someone less abnormal.”

Yuuri had scrambled off his bed and over to Victor’s before he even had a chance to comprehend his own actions. Clasping Victor’s hand firmly in his, he pretended not to notice the other man’s wince. “Victor! You’re not… twisted, not broken and DEFINITELY not abnormal!”

Victor leaned back a little but didn’t pull away his hand – Yuuri took that as a small win. “You don’t think wanting to kill myself is… twisted? Abnormal?”

Yuuri tightened his grip on the other man’s hand. “No. It’s… it’s not good, obviously. But… being in pain just means you have to heal. It doesn’t mean you’re broken for good.”

The other man’s expression turned wistful. “What if I am, though? If you hadn’t… followed me to the roof, I WOULD be broken for good. It’s a tall building.” Yuuri drew in a shuddering breath, trying to still the trembling in his fingers.

“You’re NOT! Y-You know, maybe you’re right but… you’re alive now. And that means you can… heal.”

The blatant hypocrisy of his own words wasn’t lost on him of course – he had anxiety so bad the ISU had to make exceptions to their rules for him to be allowed his medications. Victor leaned closer, his eyes intently staring into Yuuri’s. Once upon a time, having the man’s attention focused on him like that would have probably made him cry or faint. As it was, he simply held his gaze and prayed to a god he didn’t believe in that he looked convincing, that Victor wouldn’t realise that he was making things up as he went.

To his surprise, Victor’s eyes fluttered closed and the man leaned closer, closer still, until his forehead came to rest on Yuuri’s shoulder, his back bent and their hands squashed together awkwardly. He noticed that Victor was shaking a little too, and he held still, frozen in place by the unexpected contact.

So far, Victor had shied away from every touch. For him to be initiating one all of a sudden… it was odd. Deciding to take it as a good sign, he awkwardly pulled free one of his hands and put it on the taller man’s back, unprepared for the reaction it got him – Victor practically surged forwards, long arms wrapping around his chest and back, crushing him against the other man.

With one arm still trapped, all he could do was return the embrace with the hand already on his back – Victor shuddered against him, his face pressed into his shoulder still. For one horrible moment he thought that maybe Victor was crying, but other than the shivers and tremors that ran through the man, nothing suggested it.

Yuuri was almost relieved, overwhelmed as he was by it all. He had no idea how to cheer up the man if he started crying – he was having enough difficulty coming up with the right things to say.

Victor held him for what felt like an eternity. Maybe he would have kept holding him too, had it not been for a knock on the door, interrupting their silent embrace. Yuuri gently slid his hand down Victor’s back and pulled away.

After a moment, the other man let him and Yuuri went to open the door - again.


	7. Chapter 7

Outside stood a hotel employee, pushing a cart with several covered dishes on it. He accepted it with a murmured thank you before closing and locking the door behind himself.

Pushing the cart back towards the beds, he nearly stumbled when he looked at Victor. The man wasn’t crying, not as such, but there was a raw… vulnerability in his eyes that he wasn’t prepared for. Too many emotions he couldn’t name seemed to simmer under the surface and so he did the only thing he could – put on a smile and pushed the cart closer.

“What did you order?” He asked the other man, breaking the awkward silence between them. Victor shrugged.

“Cheeseburgers. Hot chocolate. Cake.”

Yuuri groaned.

“You don’t like that?”

“No! I mean, I do, but none of it is on my approved diet plan.”

Victor snickered. “Not mine either but who cares? Competition is over.”

He opened his mouth to protest when Victor lifted the lid of the first plate, revealing two cheeseburgers and a serving of sweet potato fries. The smell hit him like a truck, and he moaned quietly instead.

“Yeah, okay, cheat day.” He mumbled, sitting down on the bed opposite of Victor, the cart between them. The beds were the perfect distance apart, just enough space to fit the cart and their legs.

Looking up from the plate, he noticed that Victor had frozen, still holding the food cover, eyes trained on Yuuri. He shifted uncomfortably, noticing another blush on the Russian.

“Aren’t… you going to eat?” He asked, hoping to pull the man out of his thoughts. It worked, thankfully. Victor shook his head and put down the cover.

He picked up one of the two burgers and unceremoniously bit into it. Yuuri followed suit, unable to suppress another moan at the taste. He chewed carefully and swallowed. “This is the BEST thing I’ve eaten in MONTHS!” He whined and Victor chuckled.

“Strict diet, then?”

Yuuri sighed. “I gain weight really easily. So, I can’t even have chocolate or anything. Just, plain chicken and broccoli. Carrots if I’m lucky.”

Victor half-grinned. “I know what you mean. My plan isn’t as bad, but it might as well be. I sneak away every now and again for a treat. Maybe you should do it too?”

He took another bite and shook his head. “Too risky. If Celestino found out, I’d be DEAD.” A moment too late, he realised that that was probably a terrible thing to say to someone who had been trying to kill himself mere hours before. If he minded, Victor didn’t show it. He simply bit into his own burger and chewed.

After swallowing, he glanced up at Yuuri. “I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted when I was a few years younger. Now it’s Yuri who can get away with it.”

He grinned. “Plisetsky?”

Victor nodded. “He lives on chocolate and junk food. It’s cruel.” Yuuri winced, remembering his brief encounter with the other man.

“I’ve, uh, met him once.” He offered awkwardly.

Victor frowned. “Was he rude?”

He grimaced. That was… one way to put it. “He found me… well, I was, uh, upset. Crying. In… a bathroom. He yelled at me that I should retire and not be pathetic.” Yuuri felt ashamed for even admitting it. To his surprise, Victor simply set the rest of his burger down and met his eyes with a serious expression in them.

“That’s horrible. And… just like him. You may be surprised to hear this but he’s a fan of yours.”

Yuuri snorted. “Yeah right!”

“No, I’m serious. He always used to watch your programs on breaks and such. I’m guessing he was upset because you didn’t… skate so well.”

Yuuri frowned. “If… If you know that, how come you didn’t know who I was?”

Victor blinked. “Hm? What do you mean?”

Blushing, Yuuri shrugged. “After the competition. You offered me a photo… like I was just a fan, not a competitor.”

Victor hummed thoughtfully. “I knew who you were. I just… what was I supposed to say?”

Realisation struck Yuuri suddenly.

“Smile, Victor.” He whispered, his heart clenching painfully again. The other man shrugged and nodded. He hadn’t said it to be rude or because he didn’t know who Yuuri was. He’d… said it because it was what people expected of him. And Yuuri… Yuuri had run away.


	8. Chapter 8

“I’m sorry.” He forced out, a little disgusted with himself for thinking ill of the other man.

“For what? You didn’t do anything wrong.” Victor picked up his burger again.

“Yeah I did. I just… I assumed the worst. I… shouldn’t have. I’m sorry for thinking badly of you.”

Victor waved him off.

“It’s fine. You weren’t having the best day either.” He snorted at the words – a bit of an understatement. They finished their burger in silence, though for once it wasn’t an awkward one. He let Victor have the sweet potato fries, content to watch the other man enjoy them.

Victor seemed… better. At least a little. He wasn’t quite so distant, disconnected any more. Yuuri hoped it was a good sign. When Victor was done, he lifted the next food cover and whistled lowly. Yuuri understood why – the plate held two slices of what was probably the most beautiful chocolate cake to ever exist.

Yuuri picked up both forks that came with it and briefly considered keeping them both and eating it all. Victor’s pout suggested he had a good idea what Yuuri was thinking, so he handed over one of them and settled for eating a forkful like a civilised human being.

It was absolute bliss. The cake was exactly as delicious as it looked and Yuuri was fairly certain hotel food wasn’t supposed to taste that good. He opened his eyes, unaware he’d even closed them, and looked to see what Victor thought of the cake. The other man hadn’t tried it yet, was still staring at Yuuri, fork suspended in mid-air, blush on his cheeks.

It looked far too attractive on him, Yuuri decided and swallowed. “Aren’t you going to try it?” He asked.

Victor blinked twice, shaking his head lightly, then ate his forkful of cake. “It’s good, isn’t it? It’s been a while since anything has tasted this good.” Yuuri smiled, relieved.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it? I didn’t know hotel food was this good.”

Victor smirked. “It’s not. I told them to get something from a normal restaurant.”

Yuuri gaped. “They… do that?”

Victor’s expression turned cool. “For Russia’s hero? Obviously.” For some reason, he felt the need to apologise. Instead, he settled for a small smile.

“Thank you, either way. This is amazing.” Victor nodded, the almost-good mood broken. The cake didn’t taste quite as good anymore as they ate the rest of it. A little later, a mug of hot chocolate each, the cart back in the hallway, both skaters sat in silence on their respective beds. Yuuri desperately wanted to break the awkward silence but simply didn’t know what to say.

In the end, it was Victor that broke the silence for him.

“So tell me, are you disappointed your idol isn’t all that yet?”

He blinked in confusion. “What… what do you mean?”

Victor sipped his hot chocolate. “I know my skating inspired you. Obviously, you thought I was something… other than this. Disappointed?”

Yuuri shook his head before he had time to think about it. “Of course not! Your skating inspired me, but I know you’re… well, just a person. I couldn’t possibly be disappointed in that.” Victor averted his gaze, settling for staring down into his mug.

“What you said earlier. About… healing. Did you mean it?”

Yuuri shivered at the sombre tone of his voice. “I… yeah, I did.” He wasn’t sure what else to say, really. He DID mean it – they were athletes, the injured themselves and healed all the time.

“What if I don’t know how? I’m… not even sure I want to.”

Yuuri swallowed heavily, the hot chocolate suddenly flavourless and stale. “That’s… that’s still better than standing on the roof, don’t you think? Not being sure is… an improvement. I think.”

He really should be getting used to Victor’s eyes, he thought as they once again met his own, but like every time, a tiny shiver ran down his spine. He could have attributed it to the cold except he wasn’t cold anymore, or to the fact that he wasn’t used to blue eyes but even he wasn’t that far into self-denial.

“An improvement? It doesn’t feel like one.”

Yuuri set down his mug. “Maybe… maybe not, but it feels like something right?”

Victor tilted his head. “I suppose. Not something good, though.”

“But… something is better than nothing. At least, that’s what I think.” Victor nodded as if he’d said something smart – he really didn’t think it was all that great.

“So… I should seek out things that feel?” After a moment, he shook his head. “Things that make me feel? That sounds better.”

Yuuri shrugged. “I think so? If you don’t like… feeling nothing, then you should.”

Victor’s expression tightened. “Will you come to my room with me?”

“Sure?”

  
A little confused, he stood up when Victor did, grabbing his key-card from the desk as they walked past it. Victor didn’t hesitate in unlocking the door and stepping outside, Yuuri following close behind. To his relief, Victor led him to the elevator. Once inside, he chuckled slightly.

“Hm?”

“Oh, I was just thinking I’m glad we’re not taking the stairs. I don’t think my thighs could handle it today.”

Victor chuckled softly. “I suppose you have been walking more than me, haven’t you? You never said what you were doing in the staircase.”

The elevator pinged on the correct floor and they started walking down the hallway.

“No I didn’t, did I? I slipped away from the banquet and, uh, decided to walk to my room. I was curious when I saw someone walk upstairs and, well, I followed.”

Victor paused mid-step. “You didn’t know who I was?”

Yuuri blushed, also stopping, but without looking at Victor. “Uh, no. Not… not until after I, well, jumped you. You had your hood up and all.” He gestured at the hood in question and then mentally scolded himself – obviously, Victor knew what hood he meant.

The other man continued down the hallway, to the very end of it. The last door in the hallway, Victor unlocked with a card identical to Yuuri’s. As he stepped inside after Victor, he realised that that was the ONLY thing they had in common. Victor’s room was easily triple the size of his own, a large spacious suite rather than his simple twin room. Victor paid him no attention, simply walked to the huge double-bed at the far side of the room, and yanked one of two suitcases onto it, snapping it open and unceremoniously digging through it.

Yuuri cautiously followed him, a little amused by the mess he was making of what had looked to be a relatively orderly suitcase. Eventually, he found what he seemed to be looking for and yanked it out from under a pair of socks.


	9. Chapter 9

He winced a little when he realised what it was. Victor’s gold medal. The other man tossed it to him, hardly even looking at him properly. Yuuri caught it with a squeak, so worried about dropping it, he nearly, well, dropped it.

Studying it for a moment, he ran his finger over the engraving. Victor Nikiforov, it read. Yuuri knew he had four more like it and dozens of other medals, most of them gold. When he looked up, he found Victor looking at him with a strange expression in his face. Something like… sadness? Longing? He stepped closer to give him back his medal.

  
Victor stepped back as well, avoiding him.

“What…?”

“Keep it.”

Yuuri blinked. “I… what?”

“The medal. Keep it. I don’t want it. It would have meant more to you, so you can have it. I have plenty more.”

Yuuri gaped at him and stepped closer again, Victor once again stepping back.

“You can’t just GIVE me your medal!” He practically squeaked.

Victor – now backed into the wall next to the windows, shrugged. “Why not? It’s mine. If I wanted, I could throw it out the window.”

Yuuri winced again. “You shouldn’t do that either.”

“I won’t. I want you to take it.”

He glanced down at the medal. He’d won several gold medals of his own, but never one as important as the one in his fingers. Resolutely, he closed the distance between them, well aware that Victor was eyeing him warily.

He held the medal out to the other skater who simply stared at him with a defiant expression. “Take it back.”

“No.”

He very nearly laughed at the childish tone and instead settled for wrapping the band around the medal and physically putting it into Victor’s hands.

Except… except that the other man danced past him, avoiding him yet again. Yuuri spun on his heel, following.

“Victor!”

“I said I don’t want it!”

Yuuri could hardly believe how CHILDISH Victor was being… except as the other man dashed back again, he realised what the other one was playing at.

He narrowed his eyes at him, pleased when something like a grin settled on Victor’s features. Yuuri darted forwards, medal in hand, trying to hand it to him again.

Before long, they were both grinning, essentially playing tag in Victor’s giant hotel room. Yuuri hated to admit it but the other man was as nimble off the ice as he was on it. Yuuri was… not. He stumbled past the other man several times and at one point actually stubbed his toe on a corner of the couch that sat in the middle of the room.

He’d have been embarrassed if Victor hadn’t giggled quite so delightedly in reaction. It was difficult to be upset when the other man seemed to honestly enjoy himself. Eventually, after several minutes of unsuccessfully chasing him around, Yuuri decided it was time to change tactics. He’d spotted a stereo across the room in one of his failed attempts, so, without taking his eyes off Victor, he walked over to it and switched it on.

Pressing random buttons until he found a radio station that seemed to play Latin music – between Russian hip hop and Russian folk music, it was the first tolerable station he found – he stared into those blue eyes. Victor watched him in quiet amusement, not letting his guard down. Yuuri crossed the room, back to the couch, and pointedly dropped the medal onto it.

“Given up, then?” Victor teased him. Yuuri grinned – his head was spinning a little, almost as if he’d had more champagne. Just nerves, he told himself, as he held out his hand.

“Dance with me, Victor.”


	10. Chapter 10

The other man seemed utterly floored.

Yuuri stepped a little closer to him, holding out his hand again. After what seemed like an eternity, Victor, very slowly, very cautiously, placed his hand in Yuuri’s. He’d have been lying if he’d said it didn’t make his heart skip a beat in excitement.

Five minutes later, Yuuri was having the most fun he’d ever had in his life. Victor fit against him perfectly. He’d had a plan – had wanted to lull him into a false sense of security and then put his medal back on him, catching him off-guard, but after he’d had several opportunities to do so, he had to admit to himself he didn’t care anymore.

They danced like they’d been doing it their entire life, like they knew each other perfectly. He wasn’t surprised that Victor was a good dancer – of course he was – but he was VERY surprised by how… enthusiastically the other man moved with him. He’d let Yuuri take the lead without complaint, letting himself be spun, twirled and even dipped without even a token protest.

It was obvious the other man was enjoying himself – that same blush from before was permanently fixed on his face now, along with a nearly heart-shaped smile that did strange things to Yuuri’s heart. All in all – it was absolutely wonderful.

They’d just seamlessly switched from a tango to a flamenco, Yuuri dipping Victor, holding him up with a firm arm around his back, when reality caught up to him a little. He lifted Victor up again, seamlessly moving into the next steps, trying to get out of his own head and to just enjoy himself… except then he caught a glimmer of gold on the couch and his heart sank. Tentatively, he let go of Victor’s hand, pretending he didn’t see the crest-fallen expression on the other man’s face.

  
“What… what’s wrong, Yuuri?” Victor asked, his tone odd.

Yuuri shrugged. “I-It’s just… this… I shouldn’t be here. You should… you should probably talk to someone. Not… me, I mean. Someone who can help you.”

Victor’s expression turned solemn. “I see. If you’re tired of me, then just-”

“No!” Yuuri cried out and surged forwards, closing the distance between them. “No! It’s not that, not at all. I just… before, I was going to call someone once we got to my room but then I got distracted. And then my coach even stopped by and I didn’t say anything to him and now we’re here and I just…” He trailed off, a familiar sense of panic clawing at him.

He cursed mentally. He absolutely could NOT have a panic attack at the moment. Not when Victor needed someone to look out for him. Said man was staring at him with that same contemplative expression he’d had before.

“Who were you going to call?”

Yuuri shrugged helplessly, his breathing speeding up.

“Don’t know. I was… going to call reception, maybe. Ask them to get your coach, probably. I just… I don’t know what I’m doing, Victor!”

The other man nodded sharply. “I can see as much. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t call Yakov. He wouldn’t know what to do either. He’d just… yell. At me. For not telling him. I don’t need that.”

Yuuri sighed softly, his panic simmering down a little. He looked up at Victor, suddenly too aware of just how close together they were, mere inches between them.

“Then… what do you need?” He mumbled, a little surprised by the intensity of _feeling_ in Victor’s eyes for a second.

“I don’t know either.”

Yuuri swallowed thickly. “Then… maybe start somewhere small?”

Victor shivered, running a hand through his hair. “I need… maybe I need to not be alone?” Yuuri made a small sound in the back of his throat, one that felt unfamiliar even on his own tongue.

“Yeah, okay. Then… you won’t be.”

Victor’s expression was almost vulnerable. “You’ll… stay?”

He nodded decisively. “For… for as long as you need me.” This time, he saw Victor’s embrace coming – not that he didn’t still nearly get swept off his feet with it.

The other man’s arms wrapped around him again, no less firm, no less tight than before, his face pressed into Yuuri’s neck this time around. He could feel every shuddering breath the taller skater took, precariously balancing as he was. Out of instinct, he wrapped his arms around Victor’s back, not as tightly as he was doing to him, but still quite firmly.

When Victor nearly sobbed against his skin, another puzzle piece slid into place. He thought about it – every interview he’d ever seen him give, every skating routine he’d seen him do. Victor was always… alone. People didn’t touch him. Even fans, when they took photos with him, they generally kept a bit of distance.

That was just the aura that surrounded him. Look, don’t touch. He wondered how much Victor longed to be touched, how long he’d kept up that distance to other people when clearly what he wanted, needed, was the opposite.

Experimentally, he tightened his hold, only half-surprised when Victor sobbed against his neck again, properly this time. He had been right, Victor clearly needed the contact, even if it was with a stranger. Yuuri couldn’t begin to imagine what that had to feel like for the other man.

Yuuri himself wasn’t a tactile person. He was shy, didn’t normally seek out contact with others and he liked it that way. If he DID need something, his family, Phichit, they were always there, and often hugging him before he even knew he needed it.

Clearly, Victor was different from him in that regard. He realised there were probably other people, better suited to what Victor needed, but as the other man whined low in his throat, Yuuri knew with absolute certainty that he’d do his best to be what Victor needed.

If all it took to undo him was a hug… well, Yuuri could give him that, easily. His hand rubbed soothing circles into the other man’s back and his arms tightened even further, nearly cutting off his breathing. He held still, struggling to get enough air until Victor’s hold loosened, and he gratefully gulped in a proper, deep breath.

Still nuzzled against his neck, Victor mumbled an apology.

“It’s fine. Shall we go and sit down, maybe?” He asked, well aware that they were still standing in the middle of the room. Victor nodded slowly and pulled back even more slowly.

He didn’t meet Yuuri’s eyes as he took his hand and pulled him along – to his surprise, past the couch, and to his bed. Fighting a blush, he didn’t resist when Victor sat on the edge and patted the duvet next to himself.

Sitting a few inches away from him, Victor looked almost… small. Yuuri hesitated for a moment, hoping he wasn’t misreading the other and sat back, further up the bed until he was leaning against the wall, legs stretched out on the bed. The other man looked up, watching him settle.

Cautiously, he extended his arms, opening them in invitation. For a moment, Victor didn’t move at all, frozen in place and Yuuri was terrified he’d misread it after all, that he’d misunderstood somehow. Then, Victor moved.


	11. Chapter 11

Moments later, somehow, they were completely wrapped up in each other. Victor’s arms were wrapped high around his waist, his cheek pressed to Yuuri’s collarbone, legs tangled together. Awkwardly, Yuuri settled an arm around Victor’s back, pleased when the man simply pulled him impossibly closer for it.

Well-aware that he was blushing like mad and relieved that the other man couldn’t see his face, Yuuri awkwardly held him. He’d never even held his (very, very few) boyfriends like that. It felt strange to do it with an almost complete stranger, especially with one he had admired so long. Still, as Victor whined again and pressed his face into him more, he couldn’t quite bring himself to mind – he was helping, wanted to help.

Besides, it wasn’t as if Victor WASN’T the most beautiful man he’d ever laid eyes on. His mouth twitched into a brief smirk when he thought of what Phichit would say if he ever found out. Much as they were best friends, Yuuri had no intention at all of telling him, of course – he wouldn’t violate Victor’s privacy like that.

Even seeing Phichit have a small stroke wouldn’t be worth… that. His hand tightened again, protectively this time. Victor reacted the same way, curling closer. It was… endearing, really. Yuuri almost liked that the other man needed him like that, liked that despite all his failures, he was at least good for something.

It wasn’t a healthy feeling, he knew that, but it was the best he had.

Victor’s fingers began playing along his side. As he glanced down, he noticed that Victor was staring at his hand where it trailed across his side. “What is it?” He mumbled, softly, unwilling to break the oddly peaceful mood between them.

“Nothing. I just… you’ll think it’s stupid.”

Using his free hand to tug down his shirt a little, he shook his head. “I won’t. You can tell me.”

“I’ve not… nobody has ever held me like this before.”

Well, Yuuri had assumed as much. “Do you like it?”

Victor nodded eagerly. “I… yeah. A lot. Is that… wrong?”

It nearly broke Yuuri’s heart how unsure he sounded – a 26-year-old shouldn’t be so uncertain, nor so deprived of something he clearly needed. It wasn’t right. “No, it isn’t.”

Victor hummed. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

He sighed softly. “No. You’re fine.”

Victor’s fingers stilled against his side. “Thank you, Yuuri. For… this. All of it. You didn’t have to do any of it.” Shifting slightly, Yuuri turned enough that his free hand could reach Victor’s head.

He gently carded his fingers through it, curious if the other man would protest the touch. He did not. In fact, he nearly leaned into it. Yuuri’s heart swelled a little. “Don’t worry about it. I’m… glad I can help you. That way, coming here wasn’t COMPLETELY for nothing, you know?” His attempt to sound cheerful failed entirely.

Victor sighed, scooting a little lower, his head pillowed against his stomach instead of his chest. “You coming here wasn’t for nothing, not at all.”

Yuuri flinched. “It’s been one of the worst weeks of my life.” Victor didn’t react for a few moments, then he sighed and turned, his face pressed entirely against Yuuri’s stomach.

“Ah, I’m sorry. Obviously, you weren’t having the best time either.” He could feel Victor smile against him, even through his shirt.

“I am NOW.” He half-mumbled and Yuuri couldn’t help a smile of his own. If he really was making Victor feel better… that had to be good for something, right?

Victor’s fingers suddenly travelled lower, pulling at his trousers for a few moments. Yuuri completely froze until Victor pulled away, holding his phone. He tossed it next to them, on the bed, and relaxed again. Yuuri let out a shuddering breath – he’d forgotten he’d even pocketed his phone.

“It was pressing into me.” Victor explained.

“I, uh, see.” Fingers shaking, he reached for the device. It was still turned off. He knew he’d have to switch it on eventually. Before he could think himself out of it, he pressed the power button and waited. Victor didn’t noticeably react to his actions.

It came to life with the unpleasant melody it always played when he turned it on. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t stop there – notification after notification sound played through, each less pleasant than the one before. By the time the phone finally quieted down, his fingers were shaking again – for a different reason.

139 notifications, his screen read when he forced himself to look at it. He couldn’t even make himself unlock the phone, unblinkingly staring down at Vicchan’s picture until the screen turned off. Fighting tears, Yuuri held his phone.


	12. Chapter 12

Something about his behaviour seemed to have surprised Victor because he lifted his head, curiously looking at Yuuri.

“What is it?” He asked, glancing at the phone.

“N-Notifications. There are… are lots.”

Victor turned the phone in Yuuri’s limp fingers to face him and whistled lowly. “139? That IS a lot. My record is 248. I went drinking and left my phone off. They were ALL from Yakov.”

Yuuri chuckled lightly. “All because of one evening?”

  
The other man shrugged, his fingers now plucking the phone from Yuuri entirely. He let him, of course. “Well, I was gone for three days, actually.”

Yuuri snorted. “You went drinking and stayed out for three DAYS?”

Victor grinned. “It’s not as wild as you think. I had a bit too much, bought a plane ticket and flew to Paris where I then stayed in my hotel room and just basically sat in the jacuzzi a lot. I wanted a break.”

Yuuri chuckled weakly. That was… certainly far from what he’d imagined, and surprisingly understandable.

Victor tapped his screen. “What’s your code?” He asked.

“2512” He easily replied, then winced – he’d set it to be Victor’s birthday.

“My birthday! Did you know?”

He wondered if there was any point in denying it, the nodded. “Yeah. It’s… easy to remember.”

Victor hummed. “It is. When’s yours?”

“29th of November.” He replied, watching as Victor scrolled through his notifications. He dismissed the ones from games and social media, until only calls and texts were left. 78. That was… better. Sort of.

He’d had over twenty Instagram notifications alone – probably Phichit tagging him since he didn’t use the app on his own. “Is that your dog?” Victor asked, pointing at the screen.

“Yeah. That’s… Vicchan.”

Victor looked up, heart-shaped smile well in place. “He was ADORABLE! I love poodles.”

Yuuri chuckled. “Yeah… He was a great dog. Well… he was a she, actually.” Victor nodded, once again pulling open his notification tray.

“Let’s start at the top, shall we? So, who’s, uh, ‘Phichhh’?”

Yuuri groaned. “That would be Phichit. My roommate.”

Victor hummed. “He called you seven times and sent you a dozen texts. Want me to read them to you?”

Yuuri winced. “Uh, later. Let’s look at the rest first.”

Victor shrugged. “Four calls from your coach.”

“Dismiss, he was looking for me at the banquet.” He said automatically. Victor swiped away the notification, then blinked and squinted at the phone.

“I, uh, can’t read that. Japanese characters?”

Yuuri chuckled. “How many?”

“Two.”

“That’s Mari. My sister.” Victor nodded, resting his chin on Yuuri’s stomach. It was a little uncomfortable, but Yuuri didn’t comment.

“She sent you five texts and called twice.”

“Okay, show me?” He requested, briefly considering how absurd it was that Victor was looking through his notifications… and how absurd it was that he was grateful, that he didn’t have to do it himself.

Victor tapped the messages, then held the phone out to him. “Ah. She saw the performance. Apparently, everyone saw.” He cursed quietly in Japanese. “My family, they always hold a watch party when I skate. God, they must be wishing they skipped this one by now.”

Victor lightly flicked his wrist. "I'm sure that’s not true. Does it say that anywhere?”

He glanced at the rest of the messages. “No. She just… said she hopes I’m well.”

“See? I’m sure they don’t think ill of you at all. They… they know about your dog, right?”

“He was with them when he… you know.”

Victor nodded. “Then… then I’m sure they understand.” Victor snatched his phone back and pulled open the notifications again. “Five messages from another two-character Japanese name. This time the symbols are identical.”

“Mama.” Yuuri offered – his mother. “Dismiss. I’ll look at them later. It’s probably just good luck texts. She’s not big on texting.” Victor nodded.

“Three characters, sixteen messages.”

Yuuri chuckled weakly. “Minako. Ballet teacher. She probably live-texted me about everything I did wrong in my performance.”

Victor huffed. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

Yuuri reached for his phone. “No, it’s true. She’s been training me in ballet since I could walk. She always comments if my posture is off. Not the jumps or anything, just the steps and such.”

Victor scoffed. “I’ve seen a few bits of your performances… what in the world is there to complain about? Your step sequences are ridiculous.”

Blushing at the praise, Yuuri scanned the texts. They were indeed what he expected. He handed the phone back. “Well, she’s critical. She’s been my mother’s friend since childhood. She’s, uh, actually your fan.” At that, Victor chuckled.

“Shall we call her?”

“I-What? You want to WHAT?” Before he could so much as react, Victor had already pressed the call button, switched to speaker-mode and then his phone was dialling for Minako. She picked up on the second ring, robbing him of any chance to end the call and maybe toss his phone out of a window.

“Moshi moshi? Yuuri?” She asked. He glared at a grinning Victor as he forcefully took his phone back.

“Hey, Minako-sensei! How are you?” He asked weakly.

“Uh, fine. Why are we speaking in English?”

He sighed. “Ne, are you still a fan of Victor Nikiforov?”

She laughed happily. “Well duh! You know I am! Why, did you meet him? Oh my god tell me you did? Is he cool? Is he as hot in real life? He is, right? Can you get me his number?”

“MINAKO-SENSEI!” He yelled before she could continue on, well aware that he was blushing scarlet and that Victor was snickering at him quietly.

He couldn’t very well tell her the truth – that he was wrapped around Victor in the man’s bed. Not an option, not if he still wanted to have a home to return to. Not that his family would mind, they’d just be so… smug, he couldn’t go back. Definitely not an option. He swallowed heavily. “I, uh, met him. Told him my ballet teacher is his fan, actually.”

Her squeal could have probably shattered glass. “Really? Oh, oh, what did he say?”

Victor – still grinning – leaned closer and cleared his throat. “Thanks for your support, Ms. Minako.” Complete silence fell, on both sides of the phone, and Yuuri vaguely realised that he probably really couldn’t go back home now.

“Oh my god! Yuuri, is that?”

He groaned quietly at Minako’s quivering voice. “That’s right. Say hi, sensei!”

Minako just squealed again. “Oh my GOD! I am SUCH a big fan of yours!” Victor chuckled softly.

“I’m glad to hear it. You’re Yuuri’s ballet teacher?”

“Yes! That’s right!”

The other skater glanced up at Yuuri. “You do excellent work then. Yuuri’s movements are spectacular.”

Minako practically wheezed. “Oh my god, this is the best day of my life! Hirokooooo! Victor Nikiforov complimented me!”

With that, the call cut off – she’d hung up, excited to tell his mother – so excited she hadn’t even said goodbye.


	13. Chapter 13

Yuuri groaned again, longer this time. “I’m sorry about that. She’s… excitable.”

Victor grinned and buried his face against his stomach again. “I don’t mind. Your family seems… interesting.”

He snorted. “Yes, that’s one way of putting it.”

“Shall we continue? There are still notifications left.”

He held up the phone, out of Victor’s reach. “Only if you promise not to call anyone else.”

Victor pouted but nodded. “Fine! Promise.”

A little wearily, Yuuri handed back the phone. Victor flicked open the notifications, then did a double-take. “Uh, you have one text from… Axel, Loop, and Lutz?”

Yuuri chuckled. “Ah yeah. Those are my friend’s kids. Triplets. They always text me good luck. They only have one phone.” Victor nodded and dismissed the message.

“The next one is a really long string of names with an ampersand.” Yuuri sighed, shifting a little to get more comfortable.

“That’s their parents.”

“Only one text.”

“Probably also good luck. Next?” Victor moved on to the next one.

“Unknown number. One text.”

“Okay?”

Victor tapped on it, read it, then snorted. “Well, Chris wants to know if you know where I am.”

Yuuri chuckled. “Want me to reply?” Victor hummed in consideration, then he shifted around until he was laying on his back, his head pillowed on Yuuri’s lap.

He pulled out his own phone, took a photo and texted it to Chris. “There. That should keep him busy. Don’t worry, your face isn’t visible.”

Yuuri nodded. “I, uh, see. What’s Chris going to think?”

Victor turned back around, once again plastering himself to his side. “Probably that I picked up someone and took them to my room.”

Yuuri wanted to know if that was a common occurrence but couldn’t quite bring himself to say the words. Still, somehow, Victor seemed to sense it – when Yuuri met his eyes, something like challenge sparked in them. “You want to know if I do that a lot?” Victor guessed and Yuuri grimaced.

“I do? But you don’t have to tell me. Really. It’s none of my business.”

Victor just pressed his cheek against him again. “I don’t. I’ve never… actually slept with a woman. Just part of the image and all. Chris doesn’t know though. We’ve gone out together a few times.”

Yuuri sighed, his hand once again settling on Victor’s back, nearly protectively. “Chris is gay too, isn’t he?”

Victor chuckled. “Very obviously so. Why? Are you… interested in him?” The other man stiffened against his side.

“No! Oh god, no! Not at all! I was just… wondering if you and him ever… I’m sorry that’s SO inappropriate to ask!”

Victor tapped a finger to his side. “It’s fine. No. I’ve never so much as kissed another man and I’m not… I’ve never really let myself be interested in anyone before. I don’t think Chris is my type either.”

“Oh.” He replied dumbly, a little relieved and very embarrassed at said relief. It was hardly his business.

“I just… sometimes, in Europe, when we’d go out drinking, he’d want to visit gay clubs? A few drinks into the night, you know. I’d usually agree to go because he wanted to… I never… I mean, just to look? It was… nice, to be in a place where I didn’t need to worry.”

Yuuri’s heart clenched again, harder this time. “I… yeah, I can see that.”

“It’s a little pathetic, isn’t it? At my age...”

Yuuri shook his head. “I don’t think so. You’re not… having to hide has to be difficult. I was lucky that my family were very understanding. I know I had it quite easy. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not having done it, you know.”

Victor nodded slowly. “Have… you?”

Yuuri froze entirely, his brain not quite caught up with the tentative question Victor had mumbled. He almost hoped he’d misheard, except he knew that he hadn’t. He swallowed slowly.

“Uh… yes. With a few people.” Victor pulled back a little, probably studying his face. Yuuri wouldn’t know, he was very determinedly studying the duvet on his far side. After a few moments, Victor chuckled and shifted away from him.

“I’ve made you uncomfortable. Sorry.” He stretched out next to Yuuri, a few inches between them, still holding his phone.

“It’s fine, you’re fine. I just, didn’t expect it. In, uh, in Japan that’s quite… uh, privacy is a big thing?”

Victor nodded. “I understand. I’m sorry. Shall we continue?” His tone was forced, as awkward as Yuuri felt. Taking his courage together, he reached over to tug at Victor’s sleeve. The man turned to him, obediently enough.

“You… you don’t have to let go if you don’t want to.”

He was well-aware that the other man’s gaze was only making him blush harder, but after a few moments, he hummed and nodded, rolling back over. He didn’t hold on so tightly, nor did he press them together as much, but he still relaxed a fair bit as he settled.

Yuuri was glad he hadn’t misread the situation.

“So… where were we?” He asked, pointing at his phone.

Victor unlocked it again and checked the next notification. “This next one is… from someone with two characters and a ‘chan’ at the end.”

“That would be the mother of the triplets.”

“Eight texts.” Yuuri chuckled.

“Then the triplets probably stole her phone because she rarely texts from it. Next.”

“Emails… there are 14.”

Yuuri snorted. “Don’t care. Next!”

“The last two are texts from another unknown number.”

He tapped the notification. “They just read ‘Are you ignoring me?’ and then ‘The hamsters miss you.’”

Yuuri laughed softly. “That would be Phichit as well. He must have taken someone else’s phone.”

“So all that’s left is his texts?”

Victor nodded. “Want me to read them to you?”

He winced. “I, uh, no. He sometimes… he says inappropriate things.”

Victor handed over the phone and Yuuri pretended not to see the open curiosity in his eyes. When he said nothing else, Victor pulled out his own phone and hummed. “I have ninety-four messages. Not quite as good as you! How long has yours been off?”

He sighed as he opened his conversation with Phichit. “Since yesterday evening.”

“Ah, then I do win. I only started ignoring mine… after the medal ceremony.” Yuuri’s hand automatically reached out, gently rubbing up and down Victor’s back.

The man let out a shuddering breath and held still for a few moments. Yuuri used them to check the texts. Nothing too out there – Phichit was concerned for him, he knew. His best friend knew well that he wasn’t in a very good place. It was endearing, really, how much he cared.

Yuuri found himself softly smiling at his phone – Phichit had sent him a photo of himself with all three of his hamsters on his head and shoulders and a thumbs up. His friend’s good-natured attempt to cheer him up really did make him feel a little better. “What are you smiling at?” Victor asked, studying him from below.

He grinned and turned his phone. “That’s Phichit and his hamsters. He’s trying to cheer me up.”

Victor huffed. “I see. Are you dating him?”

“What? NO! He’s… we’re friends. Best friends. Nothing else!” Victor nodded after a moment. Of course, Yuuri’s phone chose that exact moment to ring again and he nearly dropped it onto the bed in shock.

Phichit.

“Go on, take the call. I’ll be good, I promise.” Victor said and settled against him, as close as he had been before, his expression unreadable. Yuuri only hesitated for a moment before accepting the call and pressing the phone to his ear.


	14. Chapter 14

“Hey there.” He greeted his friend.

“Yuuuuuri! You’re still alive! I was thinking you’d never turn your phone back on.”

“Yeah, uh, I was just… needed some time.”

“How are you dealing with it all?” Yuuri sighed, his fingers trailing from Victor’s back to his head absent-mindedly.

By the time he noticed, it was already too late to draw back or stop, his fingers already buried in the silver strands. Since Victor’s only reaction was a pleased-sounding almost-purr, he didn’t draw back, instead carding his fingers through the shorter hair at the base of his neck. “I’m… better, honestly. The picture helped.”

Phichit laughed good-naturedly. “Well of course it did. Say, did you at least get a chance to meet your idol?”

Yuuri felt his fingers tighten for a moment. He made a conscious effort to relax them, patting Victor’s head – not that the other man had reacted much at all.

“I… did, actually.” Victor turned his head, lazily smiling up at Yuuri from his stomach. It was… any other day, the sight alone would have probably given him VERY inappropriate thoughts. As it was, he swallowed and kept petting Victor’s hair.

“Tell me EVERYTHING! Is he a stuck-up prick? Is he vain and horrible?”

He didn’t miss the way Victor’s smile froze a little – obviously, he’d heard Phichit’s words. Yuuri yanked down the phone and pressed the speaker-button so he could hear him properly. “Don’t talk like that, Phichit. Victor is… nothing like that.”

“Oh is that so? Well, I’m glad he’s nice at least.”

He knew his friend had been joking, of course, but Victor didn’t and clearly his friend’s words had bothered him. “Very. We, uh, danced together, actually.” He blurted out, regretting it as soon as Phichit whistled. He’d never live it down.

“That so? What date shall I put on the wedding invitations?” Yuuri blushed scarlet.

“Phichit! Don’t be like that! It was just a dance!”

“Is he a good dancer at least?” He glanced at Victor who was once again relaxed, arms still wrapped around him.

“Very. Not that I was surprised.”

“Honestly, the only thing I’m surprised by is that you didn’t run away when he asked.” Yuuri snorted.

“He didn’t ask, I did!” Phichit was quiet for a moment.

“So you’re drunk then? Because there’s no way SOBER Yuuri would have the guts to ask his idol for a dance.”

Yuuri set his phone onto his thigh and ground the palm of his hand into his forehead. “Well, sober Yuuri did.”

“Good for you! So are you still at the banquet?” He chuckled.

“No, not now. I’m, uh, in the hotel room.”

“Oh great, video-chat time!” And with that, Phichit hung up.


	15. Chapter 15

Yuuri cursed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Uh, he’s going to call me back in a moment. And then he’ll see I’m not in my room.”

“Is that a problem?” Victor’s arms tightened around him and Yuuri swallowed.

“Well… he’ll want to know whose room it is.”

“So tell him.”

“But… aren’t you worried about people knowing I’m here?”

Victor chuckled. “Not at all. I’m not… unless you want to, of course. See, the advantage of my reputation is that nobody will think twice of me having drinks with another man.” Victor’s smile was… forced to say the least.

Yuuri sighed, trailing his fingers down to Victor’s back again. “Are you sure?” Victor nodded. Moments later, the phone rang again, a Skype-call this time. Yuuri sat up straighter against the wall and Victor drew back a little. He took the call.

“Hey roomie!” Phichit called, waving at him excitedly.

Yuuri smiled. “Hey there. How are your kids?”

“Ohhhh they’re all well! Arthur misses you, I think.” It was a running joke between them – Arthur HATED him, ever since he’d helped feed him medicine via a tiny syringe when he’d been ill.

“I’ll be sure to give him a treat when I get back.”

Just then, Phichit’s eyes narrowed. “Ne, where are you? That’s not your room, is it?” His heart was nearly beating out of his chest.

“Uh, it’s not.”

His friend whistled. “Something I should know about? Some sordid affair? Good for you, Yuuri!”

He shook his head no. “It’s not LIKE that, Phichit! Please, for once don’t blow this out of proportion when I tell you?”

His friend grinned. “Ohhhh? Is there something to blow out of proportion then?”

A sudden wave of anger welled up in him. “Phichit! I’m serious!” His friend was visibly taken aback, and likely a little offended.

Yuuri didn’t really care.

“Wow, okay? Uhm, sorry.” Anger fizzling out as quickly as it came, Yuuri shrugged.

“I’m not in the mood for your joking today, okay?”

Guilt flashed across Phichit’s features. “Ah damn, I… just, yeah. Sorry. So, where are you?”

“Victor’s room. He… invited me here earlier. We were both a bit sick of the banquet.”

Phichit snorted. “I see now what you meant. Is he… there?”

Yuuri rolled his eyes. “Well I’m not going to be in his hotel room alone, now am I?”

Phichit laughed. “No, I suppose not. Uhhh, can I say hi?” Yuuri glanced past the phone at Victor who nodded and gracefully stood from the bed, straightening his hair as he did so. A few moments later, he approached the bed from the side.

“Hey there, Phichit right?” He politely waved at the screen, his media-smile beaming.

“Oh my god, my roommate really is in your room. Did he tell you about the posters? Yuuri, tell me you told him about the posters.”

“I swear to god, I’ll hang up on you, Phichit.” Yuuri threatened and meant it.

“Posters?” Victor asked.

“I, uh, have a few. Of you. In my room.”

Victor’s smile beamed brighter. He’d always thought it was a smile before, but knowing it was fake, seeing it… hurt.

“That’s amazing! You should have brought them, I could have signed them!” Victor exclaimed. Yuuri had to admit – he looked flawless. If he hadn’t known, he’d have never guessed that the man had desperately clung to him just a few minutes ago.

“Ohhh, maybe he can take them for worlds? I’ll be there as well! We can all go out for drinks! Drunk Yuuri is one hell of a party!”

Victor nodded. “Sure! Sounds fun!” It sounded miserable, actually.

“Phichit, I haven’t even qualified yet. If I skate like today, I won’t be going at all.”

His friend sobered a little at his words and Victor leaned away. He stepped to the foot of the bed, clearly unsure what to do.

“Oh please, you’ll be fine. What did Victor say about your skating?”

Yuuri shrugged. “He, uh, didn’t watch it. He was very nice about it though.”

“Well, if the world’s best skater doesn’t think you did too badly, how badly could you really have done?”

Yuuri shrugged. “I fell six times.”

“I know, I saw. Look, you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it. I’m sure you’ll get gold next time.”

His ever-optimistic friend chuckled. “Well, maybe silver. Your replacement-roomie probably has dibs on gold. God, can you imagine how amazing it must feel to win that for the FIFTH time in a row?” Since his eyes followed Victor as he moved around the room, first switching off the stereo then straightening out his suitcase, he had a perfect view of the man’s features as Phichit spoke.

Pain, anger, and disappointment. Yuuri’s heart hurt.


	16. Chapter 16

“No, I can’t. Phichit, can we talk some other time?”

“Uh, sure? Is everything okay?”

Yuuri pressed his lips together. “No, Phichit. It’s not. I’ve had a terrible week and asking me if I know what it feels like to win REALLY isn’t helping. I’ll talk to you tomorrow or something.”

Before Phichit could reply, Yuuri had already hung up and chucked his phone on the bed. In a few steps, he’d crossed the room to stand by Victor’s side. “I’m sorry about him, I really am. Thanks… for playing along.”

Victor shrugged. “I’m good at it.” He watched him fold a single sock to put it in the suitcase and reached out to stop him from picking up another. He froze as soon as Yuuri’s fingers settled around his wrist.

“Look at me, please?” He requested.

The other man did, after a few moments. “I’m _sorry_.” Instead of brushing him off, this time, Victor nodded slowly and Yuuri sighed in relief.

“It’s… fine. I wonder what it feels like to be in my shoes too, after all.” Yuuri tightened his hold and pulled, amazed when Victor moved willingly, almost eagerly, closer.

“Do you want to lay down again?” Victor slowly shook his head.

“Then… what do you want to do?” After a long moment, Victor pulled out his phone.

“Would you… want me to show you photos of my Makka?”

Yuuri laughed softly, releasing his arm. “Sounds fun. Bed or couch?” Victor led him to the couch, pointedly ignoring the medal on one end and sitting on the other instead, almost as if to dare Yuuri to say something about it.

He did not.

Instead, he simply sat next to Victor, his feet curled under him.

Close enough to touch, if Victor wanted to, without crowding him. It took less than ten seconds until the other man had sunk against him, leaning against his side and shoulder. Tentatively, Yuuri wrapped an arm around him, pleased when he relaxed properly. Then, he pulled out his phone and quickly tapped his way to his pictures.

Yuuri gulped when he spotted the folder labelled Makka. 6237 pictures. He shifted to get a little more comfortable and Victor started with the first.

Half an hour later, Yuuri had to admit that, objectively speaking, Makkachin was probably one of the cutest dogs to ever live. He’d half-expected to get bored, but he didn’t. Victor commented something or other about every single one of the photos – either where it was, how it had come about or something that had happened.

He wasn’t sure whether he should or shouldn’t be surprised by the fact that he could apparently spend extended amounts of time on a couch with Victor Nikiforov curled against him, listening to his accented voice talking about his dog and enjoy every second.

Probably not, he thought. Victor’s voice was soothing, the accent pleasant. It helped, of course, that Yuuri loved dogs and that Makka was adorable. Still, as they sat, pressed together, he couldn’t help but think that the other man could have read him a phone book and he’d have enjoyed it.

At some point, his hand had found its way back into Victor’s hair, petting it. Thankfully, Victor didn’t seem to mind – he’d have been mortified if he had, but it was irresistibly soft under his fingers, silky to the point where it hardly even felt real. He’d also noticed, at one point, that it wasn’t just Victor’s eyebrows and hair that was silver, but even his lashes. They were a darker shade, but he found them fascinating anyway.

Nearly an hour of dog pictures passed before he started to get sleepy before his fingers slowed and his eyelids started to fall closed. He was dimly aware of his body being shifted, lifted even, and then warmth enveloped him.

Yuuri slept better than he had in weeks.

It only made waking up that much more disorienting because the first thing he became aware of was that he wasn’t alone, that there was someone pressed against his back, arms wrapped around his middle and a face pressed against his neck.

It took him a few moments to work out what was going on – he was warm, too warm almost, under a blanket. The only explanation of course, was that it was Victor that was curled around him to the point where he wasn’t sure where one ended and the other began.

He tentatively lifted a hand and placed it on Victor’s arm – his _bare_ arm. Yuuri gulped.

“Good morning, Yuuri. Did you sleep well?”

“Victor?” He mumbled, his voice a little hoarse.

“Were you expecting someone else?”

He chuckled. “Well… no. I was just… have you been awake long?”

Victor hummed, nuzzling closer to his neck. Yuuri shivered when the other man’s breath tickled his neck. “About an hour or two. I get up early.”

“Victor! Why didn’t you get up or wake me?”

The arms around his middle tightened.


	17. Chapter 17

“Didn’t feel like it. This is… nice.” Yuuri allowed himself a small smile. It… was nice. He shifted a little in order to turn around. Victor let him, pulling his arms back. To Yuuri’s relief, he wasn’t naked as he’d feared but had changed into a short-sleeved shirt. He looked far more… relaxed than he had the day before, less on edge.

“How are you feeling?” He mumbled.

Victor’s eyes widened for a moment. “I’m… not sure. A lot, I suppose.”

Yuuri grinned. “That’s… good? Is that good?”

“Think so.” They shared a smile – a genuine one, one that was a hundred times more beautiful than the ‘media-smile’ he’d seen so often.

“What time is your flight back?” Yuuri asked, and just like that, the mood shattered to pieces. Victor pulled back, very nearly rolling off the edge of the bed.

“Uh, my… flight?”

Yuuri blinked in confusion. “Well… yes? You’re going back to St. Petersburg, aren’t you? Or are you staying longer?”

Victor’s lips pressed into a thin line. “You’re right. I had… forgotten.”

“Forgotten what?”

“That you’re… leaving. When is your flight?”

“Uh, at 6 tonight, I think.”

Victor sighed. “So I get what, another few hours before you leave?”

Sudden shock ran through Yuuri – Victor was worried about being alone again… Yuuri shared his fear, though perhaps not for the same reason. He’d have to tell… someone, at the very least. Someone had to know that Victor wasn’t okay.

Something within him very deeply rejected the idea of having to separate at all. The longer he thought about it, the more he disliked it – for what it was worth, he enjoyed comforting the older man. “Victor…” He began but trailed off, unsure what he was trying to say.

“Shall we get breakfast?” Victor asked with a fake smile. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, ready to get up when Yuuri held him back by grabbing his arm.

“Wait? Please?”

The other man turned back, smile still in place. “What is it, Yuuri?”

“Stop, please? With the smile? Talk to me.”

The fake expression disappeared, thankfully, replaced by something like… worry? Yuuri swallowed thickly.

“I don’t… want to go back.” Victor offered.

“Don’t you miss Makkachin?”

He winced at the question. “I suppose I do… then, let me rephrase. I don’t want to go back… alone.” Yuuri drew a shuddering breath and sat up, wrapping his arms around Victor’s shoulders before he could think better of it.

The other man simply leaned against him, Yuuri’s face pressed against the back of his head. “I don’t… are you going to…?” Victor shivered in his arms but didn’t answer. That, unfortunately, was an answer too.

Yuuri tightened his hold and tried to come up with… something. “Did you want to go to breakfast?”

Victor asked again. “Uh… room-service?”

“What would you like?”

Not to have to leave you – he didn’t say of course. “Pancakes?” He asked for instead, simply because it was the first thing that came to mind.

“I’ll order for us. You’ll have to let go, жизнь моя.” Victor teased and he released him, a little self-conscious.

“What… does that mean? What you said?” The other man turned back from where he was standing next to the bed.

“It’s an endearment. Like a pet name.” Yuuri blushed slightly.

“I see.” Victor gave him a small smirk and picked up the phone, dialling for reception. Yuuri decided to use the opportunity to go to the bathroom – thankfully, easy to find. He chuckled a little – Victor’s bathroom was nearly as big as his entire hotel room.

Foregoing a shower, he quickly brushed his teeth with one of the disposable toothbrushes by the sink and relieved himself. By the time he got back, Victor had changed into slacks and a shirt and was stretched out on the couch, fingers playing idly with his medal.

Yuuri smoothed out his rumpled shirt and joined him, feeling self-conscious for it. He really looked like he didn’t belong. “I’ll have to go to my room to get some clothes in a minute.” He said, despite knowing full well that he had nothing even remotely nice to put on. Victor huffed and tossed the medal in his lap again.

“I’ll lend you something of mine. Just a second.” The other man pulled open his second suitcase and returned a moment later with a dark-blue shirt and another pair of slacks. “These might fit you.”

“Are you… sure?” Victor nodded and he accepted the clothes, going into the bathroom to change into them quickly.

Much as they were too big on him and he had to roll up the slacks a little, he had to admit, he looked… good. Studying himself in the mirror slightly longer than technically necessary, he re-joined Victor in the living room.

Said man outright stared when he stepped into the room, making Yuuri feel self-conscious again. “Is it… okay?” Victor said something in Russian that sounded suspiciously like a curse. As he stepped closer, he realised that the little blush he’d seen the day before was back, colouring his pale cheeks… and he also realised that Victor’s eyes hadn’t left his hips and thighs since he’d come out of the bathroom.

Blushing himself, he stepped around the couch and sat down next to Victor, picking up the medal as he did so. “Victor?”

“Yes. Uh, you look… fine.”

“You have good taste in clothes.”

“For a gay man, you do not.”

Yuuri laughed at his blunt words. “I guess that’s true. I usually buy what I can afford, not what looks good.”

Victor hummed. “Maybe we should go shopping today. I’ll buy you nicer clothes.”

“What? Are you insane? No! You can’t spend money like that.”

Victor smirked. “It’s my money, I can spend it how I want to.”

“Well, uh, I’d prefer it if you didn’t. I’m sure there are better things you can use it for.”

Victor shrugged. “Not really. Let me know if you change your mind. Your phone rang earlier, by the way. It’s on the desk.” Yuuri looked over and stood, fetching it.

  
The other man had plugged it in at some point, using his own charger. It was… thoughtful. Sweet, even. Yuuri sat back down – two missed calls from his coach. He called Celestino back.

“Yuuri! Finally! Where ARE you? I checked your room this morning and you were gone!”

“H-Hey! Uh, sorry about that. I, uh, went out late last night. I slept in someone else’s room.” For a moment, silence fell. Then Celestino cleared his throat.

“Oh! N-No! Not like that! I just slept here! It’s not like that.”

“Well, uh, I didn’t think so – it’s not like you. Anyway, what room are you in? I’ll come pick you up.”

“Ah, well, actually we’ve ordered breakfast? I’ll meet you later if that’s okay.”

Another pause. “Sure. Whose room are you in?”

Yuuri glanced over at Victor who had no doubt heard the conversation so far. He nodded, a small smile playing around his lips – genuine, Yuuri decided.

“Victor Nikiforov.” Celestino coughed, from the sound of it, choking on his drink.

“Y-Yuuri? Seriously? Half the hotel went looking for him last night!”

“Well, uh, we went out? Ask Christophe Giacometti. He knows about it too. Sorry to worry you.”

Celestino sighed. “Well, it’s fine. Are you alright?”

Yuuri’s gaze met Victor’s, blue meeting brown. “I’m better than I was yesterday.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Are you ready to put this behind you and train for Japanese Nationals when we get back?”

He winced. “Ah, let’s talk about that later, yeah?”

“Sure. Text me when you want to meet up.”

“Will do!” Yuuri hung up with a sigh.

“When are your nationals?” Victor asked, shifting on the couch until he was parallel to Yuuri.

“Last week of December. Yours?”

Victor blinked in surprise. “Uh, mine are too.”

He chuckled. “Overlapping, huh?”

“Unfortunately. I can’t even come see you at the Japanese ones then.” Victor said, sounding completely serious.

Yuuri gaped. “Uh, did you… were you going to?”

Victor shrugged. “Yes. If it was up to me, I’d not have you go back to Japan at all until you have to.”

He blinked. “I don’t train in Japan, I live in Detroit at the moment. My coach’s home rink.”

“I see. So you fly to Detroit to train for Japanese nationals? That’s… stupid. It’s even further away than Russia.”

Yuuri huffed. “Well, that’s where Celestino’s rink is.”

Victor shrugged. “Get a different coach then.”

“What? No way! Celestino is great! Not to mention, uh, I’m struggling to pay the fee for him as it is. I can’t just up and leave.”

Victor frowned. “Is that all? Money?”

Yuuri mimicked his frown. “It may not be a big deal to you, but it is for other people.” He shifted away from Victor a little.

“Ah, I’m sorry, жизнь моя. I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m just being… selfish, I suppose.”

He forgave the older skater instantly – though he was also reminded of a rather pressing issue.

“Victor… You’ll have to… talk to someone, eventually, you know.”


	18. Chapter 18

“I don’t want to.”

“Victor… you NEED to.”

The other man sneered for a moment. “I’m talking to you, aren’t I?”

“Well, yes, and I’m happy you are but you need to talk to someone who KNOWS what they’re doing. I… don’t.”

“Really? Seems to me like you did a good enough job. I’m still alive, aren’t I?”

Yuuri sighed. “Well… yes, but Victor…”

A hand settled over his mouth, shutting him up. “No, please don’t. I just don’t want to…” He trailed off and Yuuri softened a little at the sight of him.

He nodded and the hand retreated. Victor stood a moment later and disappeared into the bathroom. Yuuri thought about his ridiculous suggestion – get a different coach, train in Russia for his nationals? Celestino would kill him. Phichit would kill him.

Yuuri wanted to stay with Victor.

He cursed softly. He hadn’t expected to get so… attached so quickly. Or at all really. Victor was… nothing like he had expected, obviously. There was something magnetic about him, something that seemed to make Yuuri play by different rules than normally. It didn’t feel wrong either – it felt… nice.

For all that the man probably needed someone better than him, Yuuri enjoyed being around him. The words ‘childhood crush’ played through his mind endlessly. Of course, the last thing he needed was a crush on a suicidal man, or indeed one that lived in a place so homophobic he had to hide himself like that.

It was a very bad idea, all in all.

Yuuri wanted to stay with him anyway.

When someone knocked on the door, Yuuri went to open it automatically, expecting it to be room-service. It… wasn’t. Coming face to face with Yakov Feltsman unexpectedly was an oddly terrifying experience. They stared at each other in silence for a few moments. Yakov broke the silence first.

“Is… where is Victor?”

Yuuri gulped. “Uh, in the bathroom, I think. Feel free to, uh, come in?” He stepped back to let the Russian in. Yakov grumbled something as he stepped past him, and Yuuri closed the door behind him. While he awkwardly sat back down on the couch, Yakov remained standing.

Victor was back soon enough. Yuuri spotted the exact moment he saw Yakov – it was a little like a thin mask slipped over his features somehow. It was as unsettling as it was fascinating. “Yakov! What brings you here?”

The other man grunted and said something in Russian. Victor ignored him and sat on the couch.

“Vitya!”

“English, Yakov. Don’t be rude to my guest.”

“I SAID, as you well heard, that I’m here because of your stupid disappearing act last night.”

Victor laughed brightly. “Is that so? Well, I was out having fun. I won gold, Yakov, surely I’m allowed to have fun?”

Yuuri could feel the second Russian’s eyes on him – it wasn’t a pleasant sensation. “I wonder what kind of FUN you might be having that ends with another man wearing your clothes the next morning, _Vitya_.”

Yuuri’s eyes fell to his knees, a shiver passing through him. The Russian coach’s… distaste at his suggestion was obvious. Yuuri had never really had to face too much homophobia himself. Internet comments, enough to make him avoid social media yes, a few hissed comments in a bar even, but never so obvious, so… blatant.

It felt horrible.

Clenching his hands into fists, he waited for Victor’s response.


	19. Chapter 19

“Don’t you worry, _coach_ , I’m well-aware of what sort of _fun_ I’m allowed to have. I’m assuming you’re going to say the same thing to Yuri? I have it on good authority he slept over at Otabek Altin’s room.”

Yakov scoffed. “Yura isn’t-”

“Yura isn’t what?” Victor interrupted venom in his voice.

Yuuri felt his fingers start to tremble, clenching his fists harder. He wanted to be anywhere else at the moment, just not in the middle of that particular conversation.

“Yura isn’t YOU, Victor.”

“Ah Yakov, that’s really not the word you wanted to use there, is it? Let’s not pretend. I can assure you, the most INAPPROPRIATE thing that happened here is that I showed Yuuri here photos of Makkachin. If you MUST know, his own poodle just DIED and I was trying to cheer him up. I hope that’s allowed?”

Silence fell before Yakov cleared his throat. “Well… of course. My apologies, Katsuki, I didn’t know. Vitya… don’t be late for your flight.” With that, the other man turned on his heel and left, the door opening and closing again behind Yuuri’s back.

As soon as he was gone, Yuuri let out a whooshing breath, the trembling in his hands travelling further, stretching up his arms until his entire frame shook. He knew the sensation well enough, even as his breathing sped up and dark flecks started dancing before his eyes.

“Yuuri?” He dimly heard Victor as he dug his nails into his palms, desperately hoping to ward off the panic that clawed its way up his insides until it sat in the back of his throat. He shuddered.

“Yuuri?” Victor asked again and Yuuri shook his head when pale hands reached for him.

Victor drew back obediently enough as he curled forwards and accepted that there was nothing he could do. He closed his eyes, counted to ten. It wasn’t a bad one. He’d be fine. He’d had worse. He’d SKATED after worse.

He’d be fine.

A quiet sob wrenched its way out of his throat, then another. He counted to ten again, forced himself to breathe calmly, the way his therapist had taught him to do. This time, it worked. His heartbeat calmed down, his breathing slowed naturally. Uncurling his fingers, he was actually pleasantly surprised by the fact that he hadn’t drawn blood, though angry half-moon shapes burned on his palms, his vision slightly blurry.

Belatedly, he remembered that he wasn’t alone, that for the first time in a long time, he’d gone through an attack with someone else in the room. He almost dreaded looking up, worried about what he’d see. At the very least, that put to rest any worries about wanting to stay with each other – there was no way Victor would want to be around someone who had a panic attack just because someone else disapproved of his sexuality.

He forced his head up, to where Victor was sitting next to him. The man had a grim expression on his face, fingers hovering a few inches away. Yuuri focused on those, unable to meet his eyes.

“Yuuri?”

“Yeah. Uhm, I’m sorry about that. Really sorry.”

“What…?”

He swallowed with some difficulty. “It was… a panic attack. I get them sometimes. I’m really sorry for being dramatic.”

Victor sighed softly. “May I… can I touch you again?”

He nodded weakly and moments later, found himself enveloped in another one of Victor’s hugs. It wasn’t as crushing as the ones before had been – in fact, it was downright gentle.

“Can I do something to help you?” Victor whispered.

“I… what? No. I should probably go. You probably don’t want to-”

His words were cut off when Victor’s embrace went from gentle and comforting to vice-like. “No, don’t go, please.” Yuuri struggled to draw breath.

Victor eased up a little.

“But…”

“No buts! If… you really want to leave, I won’t stop you. But… I’d like you to stay. Please?” Yuuri wrapped his arms around Victor and buried his face against the taller man’s neck.

Suddenly, the hug was as much for him as it was for Victor. The other man… still wanted him around. It didn’t sound like he was being polite either, but rather like he genuinely wanted him to be there. That was… well, Yuuri didn’t know what it was. He still felt quite shaky.

Eventually, Victor pulled back. “Do you get these often?”

Yuuri shrugged. “Sometimes. They’re… I have anxiety. I’m on medication for it, actually. The ISU had to specially approve it, so I was allowed to skate with it.”

“Really? Wow.”

“Mhm. It’s pretty sad.”

“I don’t think it is. It’s impressive if anything.”

“Uh...what?” Yuuri looked up, finding that Victor’s expression was entirely serious. He WAS serious.

“Yuuri… most skaters don’t have that. And that you made it to being a world-class skater DESPITE that, that’s pretty impressive.”

He smiled wryly. “It’d be more impressive if I could sit here and NOT have a panic attack because your coach thinks we had sex.”


	20. Chapter 20

Victor reared back as if he’d struck him. “I, uh, I’m sorry. Yakov is… he’s actually not so bad, normally. He just gets like that when he’s worried about something.” Yuuri didn’t quite believe him – Yakov had a reputation for being a very, very good coach… and for being strict and not altogether likeable.

Yuuri took a deep breath. “It’s okay. I’ve been lucky, I’ve not had to deal with...” He gestured, hoping Victor would understand. The soft expression in his face suggested that he did indeed.

“I’m glad you haven’t had to deal with it.”

“I’m sorry you HAVE.”

Victor settled on the couch properly. “I normally don’t either. I’ve… hidden for so long, people rarely question it.”

“Yakov… knows?”

Victor shrugged easily. “I never spoke to him about it, but when I was younger… as a teenager, I was a little more… obvious, I’m afraid.”

Yuuri smiled weakly.

“If it’s any consolation, my sister used to buy me men’s sports magazines to tease me when I was younger… and I kept them.”

Victor laughed heartily even as Yuuri blushed a little.

“Oh? What… sports were you interested in?”

Yuuri already regretted admitting it at all.

“Uhm… I quite liked… the swimmers?”

Victor snorted. “Obvious but not a bad choice.”

Yuuri sank lower on the couch. “To this day, watching the summer Olympics makes me nervous if I’m around my sister.”

Victor gave him that heart-shaped smile again, an expression that Yuuri was starting to grow far too fond of.

Another knock on the door had him freeze, happy thoughts blown away instantly. Victor put a reassuring hand on his thigh. “I’ll get it, жизнь моя.”

Relieved, Yuuri watched from the couch as Victor opened the door – this time, it was their food, served on a cart like the day before.

Victor pushed it over to the couch and handed Yuuri a mug.

“Coffee?”

“Japanese green tea.” Yuuri peered into the mug and sniffed – indeed, it was green tea. It smelled like very nice green tea, actually. He carefully took a sip.

“This is delicious. Thank you!”

Victor beamed – a genuine expression.

Then, with a flourish, he pulled the cover from the plate closest to Yuuri, revealing… well, not the kind of pancake he’d expected. “The Russian version of pancakes. Served with sour cream, fresh salmon, and caviar.” Yuuri blinked in surprise at the very thin, folded up pancakes.

They looked… amazing. He inched closer to the plate.

“What do you think?”

Yuuri chuckled. “They look really nice.”

“Go on, try one.” Tentatively, he reached for one of the folded-up pancakes, pleased by how soft it was and took a bite.

His eyes fluttered closed as he moaned in bliss. Chewing and swallowing, he hummed in delight. “These! These are amazing! I don’t even like caviar but they’re delicious! Oh god Victor, I think you’ve ruined American pancakes for me.”

Smiling up at the man in question, he was surprised to find that Victor was once again blushing, a darker colour than before, just as fetching of course.

“Victor?”


	21. Chapter 21

“Ah, I’m glad you like them.” He took the second plate for himself and sat next to Yuuri on the couch. A plate on their lap each, they ate in silence. It was... domestic. Not for the first time, a sense of calmness spread through him. When Victor had read his notifications, when he had shown him his photo album... none of Yuuri's brief relationships had had any of that. He had often had to keep things quiet, and while in college, it was mostly just physical - no emotional closeness at all.

With Victor, there was plenty of that, even if it didn't feel quite right. Yuuri knew he couldn't let himself enjoy it - not when Victor was so clearly fragile, and only close to him because it was Yuuri who had saved him. If not, Victor would have never looked twice at him. He forced himself to swallow a bite, and tried to ignore the unease his thoughts brought. It didn't matter that they would have never met. They DID meet. And now they were.... something.

Something. Yuuri wasn't sure what.

But did it matter?

“I wish these were on my diet plan.” Yuuri complained in between bites, hoping the other man would drag him back to happier thoughts.

Victor grinned, oblivious to his turmoil. It took him a second to work out why Victor was grinning.

“Oh, you’re kidding? You’re actually allowed these?” Yuuri whined.

Victor just shrugged. “Every now and again. As a sort of treat. They're not as heavy as you may think.”

“Unfair.” He declared and licked a little of the sour cream off his finger - it tasted different than the kind he'd had in the US when Phichit cooked with it.

Victor cleared his throat. “Uh, I’m sorry? Maybe if you ask, your coach can add it to your diet plan too?”

Yuuri chuckled. “Only if I skip every other meal of the day. Still, thank you for the food. It's not like it matters right now, anyway.”

Victor smiled at him and nodded. “My pleasure.”

Silence fell between them – Yuuri’s thoughts immediately wandered back to… leaving. They were about to have to separate and it didn't sit right with him. With his panic attack behind him, he found he didn’t want to at all. Being with Victor was nice, nicer than he could remember being around a person ever feeling. It terrified him, and for more reasons than just the obvious. 

“Uhm, do you mind if I at least go and pick up my things from my room? I’m supposed to check out by eleven.” It was already a quarter past ten - the time they'd have to separate was drawing closer fast. It wasn't even something he'd thought about when he'd fallen asleep on Victor's couch the night before. It hadn't seemed real, at the time. Now it was all he could think about, and he was doing his best not to let Victor see his distress at the idea. He had to be strong.

Victor pouted. “If you have to? I’ll wait for you here?” Yuuri nodded and set his empty plate down on the cart. He decided to pretend that he wasn't dragging his feet all the way to the door.

“Then I’ll be back in a little while?” He double-checked, making sure Victor was okay with that. He certainly seemed to be, at the very least. Yuuri still hurried down the hallway and into the elevator, pulling out his phone and key-card as he did.

With a deep sigh, he dialled his coach.

“Hey, Celestino? I need to ask you something.”


	22. Chapter 22

Almost exactly forty-five minutes later, Yuuri and his suitcase were waiting in front of Victor’s door. He’d packed up, checked out, and taken the elevator back up as quickly as he could. Having already knocked on the door, he had to wait for Victor to open the door – he knew it was only a few seconds that passed before Victor opened, but it felt like hours.

He stepped inside, closing the door behind himself, only to immediately be wrapped up in a hug. It felt… good. Like coming home – a thought he squashed quickly. That was NOT what he should be thinking about. “Hey there.” He greeted softly, his smile hidden in Victor’s shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re back. I was worried… you might not come back.”

Yuuri shivered and pulled back. “Actually, about that… I was… I wanted to maybe ask something?”

Victor released him and stepped back, something like caution in his eyes. “What?”

“Ah, I was wondering, and please you’re allowed to say no if you don’t want to if maybe you could do me a favour?”

Fiddling with the handle of his suitcase, Yuuri prepared himself for rejection before even asking properly.

“Sure, жизнь моя, what do you need?”

Yuuri gulped. “Well, uh, I spoke to my coach and, uh… is there…” He broke off, took a deep breath, and tried again.

“A rink. Is there… a rink? In St. Petersburg? One I could… train at? For the next few weeks. Until my nationals? Maybe?” He was relatively certain Victor had stopped breathing when he said the word rink. The other man was staring at him, eyes wide and even his mouth open.

Yuuri squirmed – he wasn’t sure how to take that reaction. “Uh, Victor? I mean, I don’t have to go? If you changed your mind or don’t want me to, I can still-”

Victor shook his head. “I… you’d come… with me?”

Yuuri shrugged. “If you want me to. I spoke to my coach. He said if I record myself and send him the footage, he can work with me that way. I have enough savings for a cheap hotel somewhere, so if you really want me to come… but if not, that’s fine!” He quickly waved his hands through the air, trying to step back a little, suddenly wondering if he’d made a horrible mistake.

Victor turned away from him and Yuuri’s heart sank into his shoes. Clearly, he’d misread things, and clearly Victor didn’t want to-

“No way are you staying in a hotel. You can stay with me, of course. And train at my rink. Oh Yuuri, do you really? I mean… why?”

The relief was dizzying. He’d made the right choice after all.

“Well, you said… you said you want to stay with me. And… you said that you were okay talking to me. And you NEED to talk to someone, so I thought… you know?” He broke off because suddenly his own thought process seemed a little far off.

Victor laughed, his back still turned. “I… yes! Thank you, Yuuri! I can’t believe you’re willing to… just, thank you. But, what favour did you mean earlier?”

Yuuri chuckled. “Well, I don’t have a plane ticket. I was hoping you could call the airline and get me onto your plane? I have the money, so it’s just a matter of, well, calling.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Oh, well, that’s fine. I can get another flight then-”

“What? Oh no, I didn’t mean that. I meant there’s no way you’re paying for any of this. You’re doing this… for me, right? So, I’m paying. For all of it. The flight, the rink, your food, everything.”

“But Victor, that’s-” The man shot around, a serious expression in his eyes.

“No. No discussion. I insist. Yuuri, I...” He broke off again and tentatively pulled Yuuri into another hug. With his chin sitting on Yuuri’s shoulder, he chuckled softly. “You… you saved my life yesterday, Yuuri. Let me… repay you? Please? It’s… the only thing I can do at the moment, and it would mean a lot to me.”

Yuuri swallowed, unsure what to say.

“I… well… On one condition?”

“Whatever it is, _yes_.”


	23. Chapter 23

He chuckled softly. “If I’m staying with you, I’ll do the chores, around the house. Cleaning, cooking, that stuff. Is that… okay?”

Victor laughed, a fragile, happy sound that gave Yuuri goose-bumps.

“Is this where I suggest a maid costume?”

“Victor!” He cried, stumbling back, blushing what he knew to be a deep scarlet.

Victor laughed.

“Please tell me you don’t have a maid costume at home?”

“No of course not. There’s overnight shipping though!”

Yuuri whined.

“I agree, of course. I can’t believe… are you sure you want to come with me?” Victor asked, his voice more serious again.

Yuuri nodded weakly. “I’m sure. I want… to help you if I can.”

Victor nodded, eagerly. “Then yes, yes, a thousand times yes. I need to call Yakov to tell him we need another ticket. Excuse me.”

With that, he dashed off, leaving Yuuri alone with his suitcase near the couch.

Taking another deep breath, he wheeled said suitcase to where Victor’s sat and pulled out his own phone. Celestino hadn’t been happy, not at all when he’d made his suggestion – only pointing out that he’d be training with the living legend himself had gotten him to agree – it was hard to argue against training with the best skater to ever live, of course.

Not that he hadn’t tried.

As Yuuri watched Victor, out on a small balcony he hadn’t even noticed the night before, he was all too well aware that he wasn’t doing it for the training. He just… wanted to. Dialling his sister, he leaned back on the couch. No doubt, she’d have her own choice words to say on the matter – she usually did.

He was almost relieved when she didn’t pick up and he instead left her a quick voicemail explaining the situation – well, not explaining so much as telling her he was going to St. Petersburg. It took a considerable amount of courage for him to NOT shut his phone off, afterwards. Still, by the time he was done, so was Victor. Before they could say even a single word to each other though, a loud, booming, knock echoed through the room.

Yuuri shifted away from it automatically, much as he was already half-way around the room. Victor went to open the door – unsurprisingly, it was Yakov. A little more surprisingly, there were two more people. One he knew – his namesake, Yuri Plisetsky. The other one was a woman, an incredibly beautiful redhead. He didn’t remember her name but knew she had taken bronze in the women’s event – clearly another talented skater.

Victor and Yakov had immediately begun arguing in heated Russian, leaving the other two – both of whom looked quite uncomfortable – to their own devices. Naturally, both walked over to him. At least the woman looked friendly. Her companion… not so much.

“You!” Plisetsky hissed at him. “Didn’t I tell you to _retire_ yesterday, you loser?” Yuuri stiffened even as the woman laid a hand on his arm.

“Yura! Some manners? I’m sorry about him, honestly. I’m Mila. I saw you at the banquet last night. You left early?”

He smiled weakly at her. “Yuuri Katsuki. I… yes. It wasn’t my thing. You medalled, didn’t you? Congratulations.”

Mila graced him with a beaming smile. “Thank you! It’s my first Grand Prix medal! I tried as a junior and came in fifth. Third isn’t so bad.”

Little Yuri snorted. “It’s great when you’re _dead last_.” Yuuri studied the teen – Victor had said…

Well, Yuuri was never quite as meek as people made him out to be. “Tell you what, Junior champ, you can whine about my skating when you stop watching my routines to learn from my step sequences, okay?”

He watched, almost in slow motion as the kid’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Then… well, Mila burst into laughter. “Oh that was brilliant! How did you KNOW?”

Yuuri flushed a little, caught between feeling smug and embarrassed. “Well, Victor mentioned it.” The other Yuri stalked off, loudly grumbling in Russian. Mila winked at Yuuri, making him blush even more – he was gay but even then he wasn’t immune to Mila’s beauty.

“That was pretty good! Normally Victor is the only one who can shut him up. So I hear you’re coming to St. Petersburg with us?”

Yuuri smiled. “Yes! My nationals are at the same time as yours and my coach agreed the flying back and forth from here to America and Japan is a waste of time… plus, I need a change.” It was an excuse of course – one he’d mumbled to himself repeatedly while packing, in the hopes of getting it right. Maybe the fifteenth time he said it, it would sound natural.

Maybe.

Mila nodded eagerly. “I think it’s great! Always good to have another top skater with us!”

Yuuri winced. “Well, I’m hardly a ‘top’ skater but thank you.”

Mila chuckled. “What are you talking about, you’ve won your nationals like three times right?”

“Four.”

“Well, see? Honestly, our entire rink has seen you skate. We all admire your musicality.”

Yuuri’s eyes shifted to Yakov and Victor – they were still arguing, if a little less loudly. “Hey, could you possibly tell me… Uhm, what they are arguing about?”


	24. Chapter 24

Mila shrugged. “Yakov is reminding Victor of his responsibilities, telling him not to be stupid… I’m not sure to be honest.”

Yuuri nodded.

“Are you wearing Victor’s clothes?” She asked a few moments later and Yuuri chuckled awkwardly.

“I… yeah. He lent me some when I spilled something on myself at dinner. To be honest… well, I was going to change back but these are… really nice?”

The woman laughed brightly. “Tell me about it. Victor really splurges on clothes sometimes. It looks good on you. Especially the blue.” Fiddling with the sleeve, he nodded, not sure how to respond – he’d never been too good at talking to pretty women.

A moment later, she lightly elbowed him. “Ohhh, it’s getting interesting. Yakov is telling Victor he’s not his page-boy. That usually means that Victor asked for something unreasonable. Any ideas?”

Yuuri groaned. “I may have asked him to help me get a last-minute plane ticket? Since I don’t know Russian.”

Mila laughed happily. “So THAT’S what it is! I see! That explains it. Yakov hates playing secretary.”

Yuuri nodded weakly – what was he supposed to say? They watched as a few moments later, Yakov left again, slamming the door shut behind him. Victor cursed – it certainly sounded like a curse at least – and spun back to the room, his eyes settling on Yuuri immediately.

His eyes took in Mila and something like distaste settled into them. “Mila, Yuri – out. I need to speak to Yuuri about flight arrangements. Go and wake up Georgi or something.” If the other two were displeased by his curt tone, they didn’t show it. Instead, Mila waved at him and pulled a very grumpy Yuri out the door.

The door hadn’t even clicked shut properly when Victor groaned in frustration and hugged Yuuri, chin on his shoulder again. Yuuri loosely wrapped his arms around Victor’s waist.

“What’s wrong?”

“Mh, Yakov is being difficult is all. I’ll have to make the calls for the flight myself.”

“Is he… mad?”

Victor chuckled. “Yakov is always mad. He’s… not happy you’re coming, but he also didn’t say no. That’s as good as it gets, I’m afraid.”

“Does he still think we’re…”

Victor snorted. “No, actually. He is now under the impression that you were flirting with Mila.”

Yuuri squeaked. “What? But I-I didn’t?”

Victor’s hold on him tightened. “Didn’t you? It looked that way. The laughing, the blushing... I'm not blind.”

Yuuri grimaced into Victor’s shoulder. “It wasn’t like that. I’m not good at talking to beautiful women. And some of the things she was saying... she was teasing me a little. About the clothes.” Victor sighed.

“You think she is? Beautiful, I mean.”

Yuuri laughed weakly.

“Well… yes? I mean, I haven’t been interested in women since I was like fifteen, but I think she is pretty.”

Victor pulled back a little. “So you’re not interested in her?”

Yuuri chuckled. “I told you, didn’t I? I’m gay. I've only had a crush on a girl once. After that, I figured it out.”

The other man pulled away completely and stepped back. “Well… yes, you said. Is there someone else you’re interested in?” Yuuri studied Victor for a moment – beautiful tousled silver hair, icy blue eyes, perfect body, wonderful personality, and all. He thought of the way it felt every time they hugged, every time they touched, how much he liked it.

“Not really.” He lied.


	25. Chapter 25

Victor nodded. “Well, I need to make a few calls. Would you like to take a shower? You’re welcome to keep the clothes.” He nodded eagerly – he’d wanted to take a shower that morning but hadn’t wanted to keep Victor waiting.

Victor’s shower was nicer than the one in his own room had been – letting the hot water run over his body felt twice as nice as usual, simply because of how lovely the bathroom was. He spent considerable time just standing under the hot spray before he finally made himself get out and towel off.

Leaving his hair to air-dry, he quickly put on Victor’s clothes again, pleased when they felt just as lovely the second time around. He was starting to rethink his own clothes-buying policies.

Back in the main room, Victor was laying on the couch, his long legs hanging over the back of it, once again playing with his medal.

“Tickets and transport are arranged. We leave in about four hours. What… what would you like to do until then?”

Yuuri shrugged. “Is there… something you would like to do? Do you want to go out at all? We can stay here if you’d rather.”

Victor took a deep breath.

“Can we… go to the roof? Just… for a few minutes?”

Yuuri froze, fear settling into his stomach. Still, surely, if Victor wanted to… he would have gone alone, not asked Yuuri to come. “W-Why?”

“I just… want to? Please?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Yuuri nodded slowly. His heart was beating in his throat the entire walk to the stairs. Victor insisted on taking the stairs again, not the lift. By the time they reached the heavy door, Yuuri was nearly shaking. Victor pulled it open and allowed him to step through first. As soon as Victor had followed, Yuuri reached for his hand, clasping it firmly in his own.

Everything within him said that this was an awful idea – but he also knew that he was probably overreacting. Victor seemed… fine.

Victor looked surprised for a moment, then he nodded. They walked to the spot he’d tackled Victor the night before and simply looked through the mesh-half of the fence. It was difficult to really see the road below, because of how the building was constructed. But still… more than eighteen floors. No way could someone survive the fall.

Victor’s fingers squeezed his own tightly. “I don’t know if I told you yesterday but, uh, I’m scared of heights.” The taller man said with a small smile.

“Really?”

“Mhm. I fell off a tree when I was younger, and I’ve hated heights ever since then.”

Yuuri chuckled softly. “That’s… wow. I’m scared of sharks. I grew up right by the ocean. I’ve never even seen one outside of the aquarium. Still, I’m terrified of them.”

Victor laughed. “St. Petersburg is at the ocean too. It’ll be too cold for swimming though.”

Yuuri nodded, more curious about what Victor wanted to do on the roof rather than whether or not they could go swimming in St. Petersburg.

After a few more minutes of staring through the fence, Victor spun and gripped his shoulders, quite tightly. “Yuuri!”

“Y-Yes?”

“I should have said this yesterday but… thank you. For… saving me.”

Yuuri melted a little at the sincerity in his words. “That’s… I’m glad I managed to do so. You shouldn’t… I’m glad you’re alive.” He settled on.

Victor nodded before pulling away again.

“We can go back inside in just a second.” Yuuri watched as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his gold medal. He raised his arm as if to throw it when Yuuri surged forwards and snatched it from his fingers.

“No! You can’t throw it away!”

“But Yuuuuuri, I want to! It’s mine!”

“No! If you refuse to treat it properly, I’ll hold on to it!”

Only when a sly grin spread on Victor’s face did he realise he had, in effect, been tricked. He sighed.


	26. Chapter 26

“That was SO childish!” He hissed at the older skater.

Victor shrugged. “Maybe, but it worked.”

He took the medal back and unfurled the band, gently putting it around Yuuri’s neck. It felt strange, the weight of the metal pulling on his neck. Gingerly, he picked it up to look at the engraving.

“Gold suits you.” Victor declared and Yuuri chuckled.

“That so? Well, I’ll keep hold of this until you want it back. Since you insist on being childish about it.”

Victor actually stuck his tongue out at him.

“Can we go inside now?” Thankfully, Victor nodded, and they quickly headed back to his room.

A tension he hadn’t been aware of unfurled in his stomach once the rooftop door fell closed behind them.

It was obvious that Victor didn’t want to go anywhere else, so they comfortably settled on the couch when they were back – Yuuri playing with his phone, Victor with his head on Yuuri’s lap, watching something Yuuri didn’t understand on the TV.

Yuuri’s fingers found their way back into Victor’s hair almost immediately, carding through it softly, occasionally running his trimmed nails over Victor’s scalp. He tried to keep that to a minimum – every time he did it, Victor shivered, and those shivers were… distracting.

  
Needless to say, there were lots of shivers coupled with some distaste at his own lack of self-control. Yuuri couldn’t quite bring himself to care when every now and again, Victor sighed or shifted against him, so clearly enjoying his ministrations.

The hours ticked by quickly, and only when it was time to head to the airport, did Yuuri realise his plan had left out someone important – Phichit. Victor looked up at him when his hand stilled on his head.

“What’s wrong, Yuuri?”

“I, uh, forgot to tell Phichit. He’s going to be angry.”

“Mh, just tell him I offered to help train you. He’s a skater, yes?”

Yuuri chuckled. “He is. He’s… well, he actually admires Chris more than you. He WON’T get it. Ah well.” Yuuri called his friend before he could come up with a reason not to. Phichit picked up on the second ring.

“Yuuri! Nice to hear from you! At the airport yet? Your flight should have left already?”

Yuuri cleared his throat. “No, uh, I’m still at the hotel. There’s something I need to tell you and, uh, you’re not going to like it.”

Phichit hummed. “Okay? And what is that? Are you going to be on a later flight?”

“In a manner of speaking. Listen, uhm, I’m… not coming back to Detroit for a while.”

“Eh? Why? Are you going home?”

He cleared his throat. “Well, no. I’m actually going to St. Petersburg. For training. For my nationals.”

Phichit said nothing for a long time. Eventually, he said with a slightly strained voice: “St. Petersburg like where Victor Nikiforov lives?”

“That’s the one.”

“Yuuri… you’re not stalking him now, are you?”

“What? NO!” He yelled, appalled that his friend would think so. Sure, he had lots of posters and, well, talked about him a lot, but that was still a bit much.

“Then explain?”

“Well, uh, Victor and I started talking yesterday and he offered to train with me. Our nationals are at the same time, you know?”

“I didn’t, but okay. So… how long are you staying?”

“Only a few weeks.”

“Okay. Do you need me to send you something?”

On his lap, Victor shook his head and pulled his wallet from his pocket, lightly waving it around. Yuuri squinted down at him. “Not really. I’ve got all the essentials with me anyway, and I can buy everything I need.”

Phichit laughed. “Well, yes, I suppose, but what are you going to do without your posters? Or are you going to buy new ones to hang up for your room there?”

Yuuri groaned. “No posters! There won’t be any posters whatsoever! I’m not going to hang up a poster of Victor in HIS OWN HOUSE.”

His friend giggled for a few seconds before his words sunk in. “Wait, Yuuri you’re staying in-”

“Ahhh, cab’s here, need to go, Phichit! I’ll talk to you later!” With that, he hung up and closed his eyes, embarrassed with himself – he had NOT meant to tell Phichit where he’d be staying. And now… well, he probably needed a new place to live in Detroit. Japan was looking like his only option, at the rate he was going.

“Glad you’re having fun down there!” He admonished when Victor was trying – and failing – to contain his laughter by hiding his face in Yuuri’s shirt.

“Oh you have to admit, that was brilliant. I could HEAR him realise what you just said!”

“I’m sorry I said it at all.”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind. Nothing wrong with another skater staying at my place.”

“That’s a relief. Still, though, Phichit is the WORST. He’s probably going to stuff my room with body-pillows of you or something while I’m gone...”

Victor blinked up at him. “What’s a body-pillow?”


	27. Chapter 27

Ten minutes later, when reception called to let them know that their cab had arrived, Yuuri was still trying to talk Victor out of buying himself several body-pillows. He thanked the stars that they were sitting in a cab with Mila rather than with Yakov, Yuri, or even Georgi.

The redhead found the whole thing hilarious.

Eventually, Yuuri gave in and forfeited on the pillow issue. Mila looked almost disappointed that her entertainment had ended.

Checking in and heading to the gate was infinitely more pleasant with Russia’s hero than alone, Yuuri found. Not only were there helpful employees at every stage, but they were also driven to the gate by one of those little carts Yuuri had assumed were only for the elderly. It was miles above dragging his suitcase through crowds with his body aching from skating.

Apparently, the little carts were also for national heroes and their entourages. At the gate itself, they easily found seats in the waiting area – at that point, Yuuri was a little awed, and a little worried.

Victor had slipped on his media-smile as soon as they’d left the room, and it hadn’t faltered even once. He laughed, he teased Yuri, bantered with Yakov, and flirted with flight attendants… the whole time, it seemed like nobody at all could tell he was faking it.

Well, nobody except him.

Now that he knew, that he’d seen the real smiles, the small, smirks and heart-shaped grins, he had a hard time finding the fake expressions convincing, much as he had done before. Still, Yuuri played along as well, smiling where appropriate and politely thanking the employees that helped them.

It was only when boarding came, that problems began – first class boarded first of course… and it was there that the group discovered that only two of them had first class tickets. Victor happily informed them that in order for Yuuri to get a seat, he’d had to buy a first-class ticket for him... and since he didn’t want to leave him alone, he’d upgraded his own ticket too.

Yuri and Yakov were… less than impressed. Georgi and Mila shrugged it off easily enough and Yuuri… well, he was embarrassed. He would have been MORE than happy in an economy seat, which he repeatedly told Victor even as they were led to their seats.

They were ridiculously comfy. He’d never sat in first class before, and much as he enjoyed it, it didn’t feel right.

Guilt had Yuuri walking to the economy area less than half an hour after take-off, trading his seat with Yakov. The man accepted easily enough – Yuuri understood why, sat between Mila and Yuri as the older man was.

Less than ten minutes after that, a very smug Mila traded seats with a sulking Victor, who had apparently not enjoyed Yakov’s company much. Yuri teased the older skater the rest of their four-hour flight for ending up in economy after all. By the time they were all off the plane, the entire group – save for a very refreshed-looking Mila – were a little worse for wear.

They split up at the airport, Mila and Georgi taking cabs to their own homes, Yakov taking Yuri home, and another cab for Victor and Yuuri. Yuuri had no idea in what sort of place Victor lived, of course, so he found himself looking outside every time the cab slowed down, his nerves getting the better of him rather quickly.

Eventually, they came to a stop in front of what looked to be a perfectly nice apartment building. Victor led him inside and up a flight of stairs – his apartment was one of three on his floor. Yuuri’s heart was nearly beating out of his chest when Victor unlocked the door and let Yuuri step into his home.


	28. Chapter 28

His flat was… huge. He hadn’t expected a small place, of course, but the big open-plan room that greeted them wasn’t what he had pictured either. It was… fancy. The kind of fancy one found in magazines, not the kind that someone lived in.

“What do you think?” Victor’s surprisingly tired voice asked from behind him as the door clicked shut again.

He turned in surprise – moments ago, in the cab, Victor had sounded perfectly fine. He realised when Victor wrapped his arms around his shoulders before he could so much as reply properly, face buried into Yuuri’s hair.

  
The mask had come off – Victor was _tired_. Unsure of what to do, he simply held still as Victor held him.

“It’s… nice. Where is Makkachin?”

Victor sighed. “With a sitter. She’ll be back tomorrow morning. I like to just… eat and sleep when I get home.” Yuuri nodded.

“I get it. Why don’t you go lay down and I’ll make you something to eat?”

“I… what?”

“Hm? You said you wanted to eat?”

“Well yes, but you must be tired too…”

Yuuri chuckled. “I’m fine. Stamina is like my one good quality. So, go sit down, lay down, I’ll see what I can make for us.”

The fact that Victor didn’t protest again spoke volumes of his tiredness, Yuuri realised.

He found beef mince in the freezer and thus settled for making spaghetti – after having been away for a week, Victor had absolutely no fresh groceries. Still, noodles were easy to boil and since he had ready-made sauce as well, all Yuuri had to do really was to mix things together, season it a little to make it taste less like it came out of a can and done.

Less than half an hour after he told Victor to lay down, he went in search of him to tell him dinner was ready. He was easy enough to find – still fully dressed, on top of his duvet and asleep.

“Victor!” He carefully called out, only stepping into the bedroom when the man didn’t respond. It felt… odd, to be in the bedroom of his idol, after all these years. Looking down at the beautiful man sleeping… Yuuri gulped.

Victor ignored two more calls of his name – eventually, only a gentle nudge to the shoulder woke him up. As he blearily blinked up at Yuuri, he mumbled something in Russian and very nearly fell back asleep – only the promise of spaghetti got him to get up and follow Yuuri to the kitchen.

It was almost cute how out of it the man was – in fact, it WAS cute, he decided as he watched Victor eat. The man was drowsy, eyelids drooping even as he half-heartedly complimented the food. Yuuri didn’t mind – he knew Victor needed the sleep.

Food done with, Yuuri did the dishes and changed into his pajamas before laying down on the couch. He tried to settle, uncomfortable as though the couch was. It had clearly been chosen because it looked good in the space, and not because it was comfy. Yuuri had spent many nights on his couch in Detroit, asleep after studying too long. It was a hideous thing with lots of blankets and pillows, and it was comfortable - the two pillows on Victor's couch were purely decorative.

Thanking his small frame, he managed to find a comfortable position eventually, prepared for an achy neck come morning.

That was okay - a small price to pay for being able to stay with Victor.

Smiling softly at the open bedroom door between them, he closed his eyes. He'd deal with it all tomorrow.


	29. Chapter 29

Come morning, Yuuri was woken by someone knocking on the door – he stumbled up and over before he even remembered that he wasn’t in his own home. Outside stood a woman in her late fifties, holding a leash.

Makkachin leaped for Yuuri as soon he opened the door, knocking him over and licking his face.

“Oh, hello there!”

Yuuri scrambled up off the floor. “Oh, uh, hi! Victor isn’t awake yet. Would you like to come in?”

The woman cleared her throat. “Ah, uh, no. I’m sorry young man, you are…?”

Yuuri chuckled awkwardly. “Oh, sorry. Yuuri Katsuki. I’m another skater here in St. Petersburg for training.”

The woman’s whole demeanour changed immediately, from confused distance to something friendlier. “I see! Vitya didn’t say he had a guest staying over!”

He smiled. “It was all very last minute. Are you sure you don’t want me to wake him?”

“No, not necessary. I’m just here to drop Makkachin off. She was a good girl, wasn’t she? Yes, she was.” Makkachin wagged her tail, at the woman’s tone and bounced away towards Victor’s bedroom.

“Well then, Mr. Katsuki, good luck with your training!”

“Ah, thank you!”

Closing the door, he headed for the kitchen. There wasn’t any food but there was at least coffee. Figuring out how to operate Victor’s coffee machine was easy enough, and soon he had a cup for each of them ready. Taking one with him, he carefully approached the bedroom door. Victor had left it open, but he still wasn’t entirely sure he was welcome.

The picture inside, however, made him forget his thoughts immediately. Instead of waking him up, Makkachin had crawled into bed with him, tail thumping against the duvet. Victor had curled around her already, face nuzzled into her fur.

  
Yuuri couldn’t remember ever seeing something so adorable. He set the cup down carefully on Victor’s nightstand and picked up Victor’s phone. It would be far too rude for him to take a photo on his OWN phone, but the scene definitely needed to be preserved. So, he carefully took a photo from the bottom of the bed and put the phone back to where it was before sitting on the side of the bed.

“Victor?” He asked quietly. This time, it worked – Victor woke up easily enough. Yuuri envied him for it, actually – it took him much longer to wake up. Victor greeted him with a sleepy smile that Yuuri eagerly returned.

“Good morning. There’s someone here who wants to say hello to you.” Yuuri told him, delighted by the obvious confusion on his face. He pointed at Makkachin on his far side. As soon as Victor turned towards her, the poodle clearly decided that all bets were off and launched a full-scale kiss assault on her owner. Yuuri stood back, watching with delight, how Victor ‘failed’ to dislodge Makkachin until she calmed down on her own.

“Good morning.” Victor eventually said, breath heaving from laughing at his dog’s antics.

“I made you coffee.” He pointed at the cup.

Victor sat up and happily sipped from it. “Mh, thank you! Ah… Yuuri?”

“Mhm?”

“Uh, where did you sleep last night?” Victor was staring at the second duvet on the bed – tussled up by Makka but obviously not slept in.

  
He blinked. “Uh, the couch?”

Ice blue eyes widened. “What? You didn’t have to! Why didn’t you sleep here with me?”

Yuuri blushed slightly. “Well, uhm… I didn’t want to assume? It’s your bed. Besides, the couch is fine.”

“No! You should definitely sleep here! Look, it’s a huge bed! You can easily fit in with Makka and me!”

Yuuri chuckled at the inclusion of Makkachin – he wasn’t surprised that Victor allowed her on the bed, not at all. He definitely seemed like the type to spoil his dog.

“We’ll see about it tonight, okay?” He offered instead – he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to spend three weeks sleeping next to the man he was very quickly developing – or was it re-developing? – a crush on.

Victor nodded and swung his legs out of bed, standing up with a stretch. “It’s your first day in St. Petersburg, Yuuri! Is there something you want to do?”

He shrugged. “Well, we need groceries. When does your training start again? Celestino normally has me going as soon as we get back.”

The other man hummed and headed for the kitchen with his coffee cup. Yuuri followed. “Tomorrow, probably. Yakov gives me days off after competitions. Groceries aren’t a problem, but isn’t there anything else you want to do?”

Yuuri sipped his own coffee. “Well… I… what do you normally do?”

A sardonic smirk crossed Victor’s features. “Me? I… sleep a lot. Sometimes I watch TV. I don’t… do much outside of the rink.”

“No hobbies?”

“Well, I walk Makkachin.”

Yuuri nodded. “Fair enough. We don’t have to do anything then. I’m happy staying in and keeping you company.”

Victor blushed a little at his words. “Are you sure? I don’t want to keep you…”

“Nonsense! I don’t mind. You’re nice company. Besides, I don’t know Russian. I’d rather stick with you. That’s… what I came here for, isn’t it?”

Something almost strange passes between them for a few moments until Makka’s yawning breaks the mood. They both snort into their respective cups. Half an hour and a shower each later, they were both dressed and ready to go grocery shopping – at least, that’s what Yuuri thought.


	30. Chapter 30

“Victor! This isn’t a supermarket!” He exclaimed, looking at the very expensive boutique they had stopped in front of.

“Well, of course not! First we need to get you some decent clothes to wear!”

“I HAVE clothes to wear!”

“No, you really don’t.” Huffed Victor. Yuuri chose not to reply – he WAS wearing another one of the man’s shirts.

With that, Victor practically shoved Yuuri in the door and one of the most gruelling hours of his life began. He was measured by two very friendly and polite shop assistants and then handed a glass of champagne before he could refuse and point out that it was still before noon. Soon after, he was shown a variety of clothes – dozens and dozens of shirts, trousers, suits, everything imaginable. They started blurring together in no time at all – one shirt was very much like the next to him.

He quickly figured out what they asked him and learned to respond – I like that colour, I don’t like that cut, and so on. Truthfully, he had very little opinion on it all, so he mostly went by how Victor reacted to it. A pout was a definite no, a hum a maybe and a small smile a yes.

That, at least, he could follow – not to mention he trusted Victor’s opinions far more than his own on this matter. After a seemingly never-ending show of clothes, he was dragged up a flight of stairs only to be sat down with fresh champagne and to play the same game except with ties. Here, Victor took a stronger interest – Yuuri was barely even asked for his opinion as Victor chose tie after tie for him.

How many ties did one person even need?

Just when Yuuri thought he might take one of the damn things and strangle himself with it, it ended – Victor slid his card across a counter without even seeing a bill and a few moments later, they were back out on the road. It was easily one of the most exhausting things he had ever had to do – and Victor didn’t stop his fake smile even once.

“Wasn’t that fun? They’ll deliver the things later this week.”

“Deliver? What?”

Victor grinned. “Oh, it’s all made to measure.”

Yuuri paused mid-step, gaping at his companion. “Victor… how much money did you just PAY?” If Victor had gotten him even HALF of all the things that he’d approved of… his head swam just thinking about it.

“It’s no trouble, really.” The man turned to keep walking but Yuuri stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder.

“Victor. Listen to me please.”

When the other skater nodded, Yuuri took a deep breath.

“I appreciate the… shopping, but I really don’t like it when you spend money like that on me. PLEASE don’t do that. It makes me uncomfortable.”

An oddly raw look of regret flashed through Victor’s eyes.

“I-I understand. I’m… sorry.”

Yuuri pulled back, unsure what to say - it was obvious he'd hurt Victor's feelings, yet the man seemed happy to pretend otherwise. He wanted to call him out on it, he really did, but the streets of Russia probably weren't the right place to do so - not if he wanted an honest conversation, at least.

He startled when he realised Victor had stepped away and was a few steps down the road already. Clearly he'd spaced out too long.

At the very least, their second stop of the day was an actual supermarket. It disturbed Yuuri a little that Victor looked as if he’d never stepped foot in one before. He was perfectly willing to carry the basket as Yuuri chose what they needed, helpfully reading out labels where appropriate, and also ordering at the meat counter – yet, he seemed almost unfamiliar with most of the things Yuuri grabbed. What did the man eat normally?

Still, it was almost… domestic, the whole thing. It made something in Yuuri twinge that he knew shouldn’t be there at all – he was there because Victor needed help, not… not for him to develop feelings that couldn’t and wouldn’t be returned.

They returned back to the flat, groceries in hand, just in time for lunch. Yuuri cooked, as promised – stuffed chicken breast and steamed vegetables. They both had to go back to their regular diets after all. As it was he’d have to run a few extra miles to get rid of what he’d gained over the last day or so of fast food and cake.

“Food is the one thing that makes me look forward to retirement.” Victor said as he pushed a carrot around on his plate.

“Oh?”

“Mh. I love skating. The diets… urgh.”

Yuuri chuckled. “Know what you mean. I gain weight really easily, so I ALWAYS have to be careful. There’s this bakery in Detroit, they make the most delicious cheesecake. I swear, just looking at it makes me gain weight.”

“Oh? You’ll have to show it to me sometime.”

Yuuri squinted at his request. “Sure. Maybe. In the off-season. If you have some I will too, and I REALLY can’t afford it.”

Victor chuckled. “Off-season works for me. Are you looking forward to your first session tomorrow?”

Yuuri sighed. “I suppose so. I’m a little… nervous about it, to be honest.”

“Why?”

“Well… Yakov doesn’t like me. Yuri doesn’t like me. I’m not sure about Georgi. I’m just… anxious, I guess. It’s sort of my thing.” Victor didn’t return his smile. Instead, he placed his hand over Yuuri’s and met his gaze.


	31. Chapter 31

“Don’t worry. I’ll be there with you, and nobody will so much as breathe in your direction. If they do, they have me to deal with. National hero, remember?”

Yuuri chuckled. “How could I forget?”

Victor’s fingers squeezed his.

A little while later, they were stretched out on the couch – Yuuri sitting back against the armrest, Victor mostly draped over him, a cheek pillowed on his chest. He was watching a Russian show with subtitles – Yuuri couldn’t bring himself to pay attention, not when there was Victor’s hair to play with.

Eventually, he got bored with the silence between them though.

  
“Can I… ask you something?”

Victor chuckled. “Anything, жизнь моя.”

“You… it’s about… you’re very tactile.”

Victor hummed. “Is it… too much? I can do it less.”

Yuuri shook his head. “No. I mean, it’s not normally my thing but with you, it doesn’t bother me. I just want to know… why?”

For a long while, Victor said nothing. Eventually, he sighed quite deeply. “I’m not… sure. People don’t normally come all that close to me. I’ve gotten good at keeping them out. But you… you touched me first. Well, sort of. I felt… something. At first, it was just a sensation but then eventually I realised that it feels… good to touch you.”

He turned his head, burying his face against Yuuri’s chest more. “I don’t know why I like it, but it feels like… things don’t bother me so much when I can touch you. That’s weird, isn’t it?”

Yuuri chuckled. “I don’t think so. Or maybe it is, I don’t know. I suppose it makes sense though. I’m glad it helps you either way.”

Victor nodded again, turning his face back towards the TV. “Can I ask something else, something more personal?”

Victor lifted his head and shot him an amused glance. “Something more personal than why I like touching you?”

Put that way, Yuuri did feel a little silly for asking. “Well, it feels like a more personal question for me to ask.”

“Go ahead. You can ask me anything.”

Yuuri drew a deep breath. “Well, you said you’ve never… with a man?”

“Not with anyone, if you remember.”

He could feel his cheeks colouring. “I… really? I mean, I believe you, but…”

“Women don’t interest me. Men… weren’t an option.”

“But… I mean, obviously there are more than just you even here. So couldn’t you have… found someone? Another skater even.”

Victor lifted his head again, his eyes oddly intense. “Not an option. I would have risked my career for it, either way. And with another skater… how could I be sure they were a good person? With someone else, how could I be sure they wouldn’t exploit me somehow? It never seemed… worth it. Not with my skating at risk.”

Yuuri nodded slowly. “Were you ever planning on…?”

Victor’s lip twitched into a smile. “Not particularly. I mean, I sort of… after a while, not thinking about it, it goes away. Stops being something you want, becomes more of a background hum. I figured it’d stay that way. I don’t think about it much anymore. Haven't in a long time, actually.”

Yuuri very much didn’t understand what he meant, but he nodded anyway.

“What about you? How many broken hearts has Yuuri Katsuki left behind?”

He chuckled. “Not many! Especially not if we’re being literal.”

After a pause, Victor tilted his head. “Well? Are you going to tell me?”

Yuuri blushed. “Uhm… Victor. Are you… really asking me to tell you about my dating history while laying on top of me? That’s… I’m sorry but no.” Victor looked down as if he only just realised their position.

His mouth formed an adorable little ‘o’ shape. “You’re… right. Can you at least tell me how many?”

“No!” He hissed, trying to keep his mind from going… there. Victor gave him an almost pitiful look until he sighed and gave in. “I’ve… had three relationships. Slept with five people. Kissed a few more. Happy?”

Victor pursed his lips and shrugged before laying down again. Yuuri had no idea what he was thinking… but he seemed content to drop it, and that was all he wanted at the moment.

“Did you… have fun today?” Yuuri eventually asked when the other man said nothing else. Victor hummed.

“I suppose so. Spending time with you is nice. You didn’t like me buying you clothes though.”

“No, I didn’t. I mean, I appreciate the gesture, but I don’t want you wasting your money on me. Especially if you yourself don’t even enjoy it that much. I meant to say yesterday as well…” Yuuri broke off, a little unsure how to phrase his thoughts.

  
“What about yesterday?” Victor pressed his face closer to Yuuri’s chest.

“You… were smiling constantly. I don’t think it’s good for you to pretend like that.”

The other skater sighed quietly. “You can tell the difference?”

“I think so. I’d like to think so. It’s… painful to watch.”

The man above him shuddered bodily. “Is that so? I’m sorry it makes you uncomfortable. When I’m outside though, I have to be Russia’s hero. That’s… not a choice.”

Yuuri carded his fingers through Victor’s hair. “I understand that. I suppose the best thing I can say would be… if you ever need a break, tell me? I want to help.”

Victor practically purred as he tightened his hold on Yuuri. “I wish I could just… well, there’s no point in thinking about it.” Yuuri waited for him to elaborate. When he didn’t, he lightly scraped his nails over Victor’s scalp.

“Tell me.” He requested quietly.


	32. Chapter 32

After a few more moments of silence, Victor shrugged. “It’s nothing, really. I wish I could touch you in public. Not like this, just…” He trailed off and Yuuri nodded.

“I think I get it. Say I wanted to ask. Uhm, since I’m gay… do I need to pretend as well?”

Victor froze for a few moments.

  
“I wouldn’t make you do that, but… hm, I suppose as long as you get caught watching or talking to Mila a few times, you’ll be fine. Since it’s not… allowed, people rarely consider it.”

Yuuri snorted. “Yeah but that’s YOU. I know that in the west, Japan is considered the land of the perverts.”

Victor chuckled lightly. “I suppose that’s true. Still, I wouldn’t worry too much.”

“Fair enough. Are you looking forward to training tomorrow?” Yuuri changed the topic, hoping it would lighten the mood somewhat. To his surprise, Victor only stiffened more. “Did I… did I say something bad?”

The other man huffed out a long breath. “No, you didn’t. Training tomorrow… well, you’ll see.”

“Ne, tell me about it.”

“Mh, they’ll all want to see my medal. They’ll ask me how it was. All of that.”

Yuuri nodded in understanding and carefully trailed his fingers lower to massage Victor’s neck instead of his scalp. He didn’t truly expect the touch to be rejected, but when instead, the older man practically melted, Yuuri smiled fondly.

As much as Victor’s need for contact had bothered him at first, he’d gotten used to it quickly. He… liked it even. It made him feel needed, and he hated himself for it a little. For some reason, he almost felt like he was taking advantage, even though he wasn’t, really.

“I’m sorry. If I can help, let me know.”

Victor hummed. “Don’t leave me alone, please?” Yuuri’s heart clenched painfully.

“I won’t. I’ll try my best to stay with you. As long as you’re sure that that won’t compromise you know, your… cover.” Victor’s fingers slid from the couch to Yuuri’s sides, gently brushing over his shirt.

“It won’t, I told you. I worked hard, the past few decades.”

“I can’t imagine what it must be like.” Yuuri said, softly enough that he half-hoped Victor wouldn’t hear.

He heard.

“I told you, it stops bothering you after a while. It’s just what things are like.” Yuuri shuddered softly.

“What if… I mean what do you do if...” He trailed off and gulped.

Victor raised his head slowly, the movement forcing Yuuri’s fingers to curl around his neck, almost in a position he could pull Victor higher, closer to himself, the perfect angle to… he shook off the thought as he noted the amused expression in the blue eyes staring into his own.

“Yuuuuri, I hadn’t thought you’d be so forward! Asking what I do when I get horny, huh?”

In retrospect, Yuuri wished he had acted with something resembling dignity at that moment.

Unfortunately, what he had done resembled no such thing. He squealed, a high-pitched sound, and scrambled away, off the couch and out from under Victor. Sadly, said move landed him ass-first in between the couch and Victor’s couch table, and firmly on Makkachin’s tail.

Makkachin immediately yelped and darted off of course, leaving Yuuri to sit on the floor, a little stunned, and Victor looking down at him with huge eyes. It took him probably a full minute of stuttering, shaking his head and wheezing until he could express himself properly again.

Victor just… stared at him, mouth agape.

“I-I just! I mean… I wasn’t… I didn’t ask about THAT! I was going to ask what… what you would do when you had feelings for someone!”

Victor blinked slowly, then a slow frown replaced his baffled expression. “I see. Sorry for, uh, misunderstanding?”

Yuuri shook his head and smiled awkwardly. “It’s, uh, fine. But I would never ask about something like that! That would be really rude.”

Victor tilted his head in what Yuuri assumed to be agreement. “I’m sorry for… assuming.” With an almost unfairly graceful motion, he sat up and leaned into one corner of the sofa, motioning for Yuuri to sit back down as well.

His path up was a lot more scrambling than Victor’s, but a few moments later, he was sitting at the opposite end of the sofa too. With half a foot of space between them, Yuuri felt quite self-conscious still. 

“I’m sorry for reacting like that. I didn’t mean to. I was just, uh, surprised?”

Victor huffed. “I could see that. Why exactly did the idea of it bother you so much?”

Yuuri could sense easily enough that Victor was more upset than he let on.

“It didn’t, uh, bother me but… talking about that when you’re practically laying on me… I mean, it’s not something that’s spoken about much at all, in Japan. And then out of nowhere…” He trailed off when Victor gave a terse nod.

“To answer your question, I never had feelings for anyone. Not like that.”

“Really?” Yuuri allowed himself to relax a little.

“No. There was no point in thinking about it, really.”

“I…see. Then, do you have a type?”

“A type. Something specific I find attractive? Not really. Someone… not like myself I suppose.”

“Oh?”

Victor shrugged. “I don’t think I like light hair. That’s… it, really. What about you?”


	33. Chapter 33

Yuuri flushed slightly. He couldn’t very well tell the older man that his type was sitting on the couch with him, could he? No, definitely not. “My type… I guess I’d want someone… nice? Someone kind. Someone… funny? Someone I click with. And I definitely would like someone different from me? I mean, black hair, brown eyes are just a little… boring?” He felt silly even while he said the words.

Victor’s only response was a measuring glance. For a few moments, Yuuri feared the other man might ask him if he found him attractive if he liked his looks. He didn’t think he could lie if asked a direct question like that. Thankfully, Victor… didn’t ask.

In fact, he said nothing for a long while, before standing up with a sigh. “I’m going to take a shower.” He declared before leaving.

Yuuri felt… relieved, especially when Makkachin joined him on the couch a minute later. He could tell something was off, but he had no idea what. He watched as Victor retreated to the bathroom and took a few deep breaths. Yuuri couldn’t stop thinking about it suddenly, about Victor laying on him like that, asking questions that could all be answered with ‘You were probably my first crush, Victor.’

It was inappropriate and unfair. Even if Victor was interested, he definitely had more important things to think about. Victor needed to get help… but Yuuri was terrified that if he went behind his back to get him some, Victor would shut him out too.

Yuuri had even tried googling for tips, in his desperation, and he had found absolutely nothing helpful. Nothing that didn’t require him to break Victor’s trust… or quickly getting some kind of mental health education. He cursed – surely, with his own anxiety, he should have some way of helping?

He tensed.

His therapist… He yanked out his phone and tapped his way to her contact, then froze. His therapist was in Detroit. Even ignoring the time difference, he’d have to speak to her in English, and while Victor’s flat was big, he would probably still be overheard. No, he couldn’t call, at least not then and there.

Not to mention, she might not even be able to help or give advice since Victor wasn’t her patient and she didn’t know him. He also couldn’t reveal his identity…

Still, asking his own therapist for advice was the closest he’d come to a good idea, so he swore to himself he’d call as soon as he possibly could – possibly at the rink the next day, or something like that.

He swallowed thickly and glanced at the now-closed bedroom door, the bathroom door just behind it.

  
Victor had been gone for nearly half an hour. Yuuri was worried, much as he felt stupid for it.

Victor was just taking a shower. He stood, uncertain of what to do. Going into the bedroom seemed safe enough to do, so he tiptoed there and to the bathroom door. He could hear the rhythmic noise of the water running easily enough. That was… something at the very least.

He sat on the bed, forcing himself to keep still, to wait. Even IF Victor was taking an unusually long shower, it was none of his business. He could wait.

He would wait.

That strange anxiety pooling in his gut was… probably nothing.

… Right?


	34. Chapter 34

Makkachin scratching at the bathroom door was what pushed him over the edge. She knew Victor, and Yuuri had not seen her act like that before – something was off. Taking a deep breath, he tried the door-handle, relieved when he found that it opened easily.

Yuuri stumbled straight inside, eyes already trained on the shower. Victor was sitting in it, arms wrapped around his knees, the water raining down on him from above. He didn’t even react to Yuuri’s presence.

Cursing in Japanese, Yuuri lurched for the shower controls and turned off the water. It was absolutely freezing. When Victor still didn’t react, he blindly grabbed the nearest towel and wrapped it around the man. At his touch, Victor looked up.

“Yuuri?” His voice sounded so… fragile.

“Victor! What are you doing? You’ll get sick! Come on, get out of the shower! Now!”

Slowly, as if moving through cotton candy, Victor obeyed his command and stood, his limbs shaking as he did so. Yuuri wrapped the towel around him more tightly and half-steered, half-led him back to the bedroom.

Victor followed easily enough. He let himself be sat down on the side of the bed, let Yuuri push him down and cover him with the duvet, seemingly uncaring that he was dripping wet. Instead, he silently watched Yuuri, his eyes trained on him with an intensity that made Yuuri uncomfortable.

When Victor was tucked in, Yuuri hovered by his side.

“Victor… what were you doing?”

The other man sighed. “I was… showering.”

“You were in there for nearly an hour! Your skin is freezing!”

“Then warm me up?”

He groaned. “Well, obviously!” He hissed and pushed more blanket towards Victor.

Makka, in the meantime was laying in a corner, quietly whining. She hadn’t approached Victor at all, not since he’d come out of the shower.

“What were you thinking Victor?” He asked again, hoping for an actual answer this time around.

Victor’s eyes fluttered closed and he sighed. “I don’t know. I was just... I don’t know. Sorry I worried you. Lay with me?”

Yuuri hesitated, though not for long. Victor was... freezing. It was scary that he wasn’t even really shaking now – he knew he still had to be cold. So, carefully he laid down next to the other man, scooting as close as he could on top of the covers.

Victor watched him, his gaze unnerving.

“Are you cold?” He asked the other, not really expecting a decent answer.

“Of course not, I’m Russian.” Victor replied, fake smile well in place. Yuuri sighed and laid an arm and one of his legs across Victor’s body. The Russian squirmed a little to get more comfortable but didn’t otherwise react.

He had no idea how long they stayed like that, but after a while, Yuuri’s arm was falling asleep – he was awkwardly laying on it in order to allow him to reach across Victor. Groaning a little, he rolled away and sat up, gingerly shaking his arm to get some feeling back in it.

He didn’t get very far – as soon as he faced away, Victor surged forwards and wrapped his arms around his middle, face pressed against his back. It was quite a vicious hold – uncomfortable and tight. His heart skipped a beat.

“Relax, I’m not leaving.” He mumbled to the other man who did not, in fact, relax. At all.

If anything, his hold tightened.

Yuuri stayed put, unsure what to do. After a little while, it seemed like the Russian had calmed down somewhat, and he could turn to look at him. Victor looked a little more like he had before – more open. No more fake smile.

“I’m sorry, Yuuri. I don’t know what I was thinking.” He quietly offered.

Yuuri nodded.

“It’s... okay? Just please don’t do it again.”

“Yeah. I should get dressed.”

Yuuri nodded and watched quietly as Victor awkwardly shuffled away. It occurred to him at the last moment that he probably shouldn’t WATCH the other man dress – he snapped around and stared at the wall before him.

He could hear Victor putting on clothes behind him, relieved that whatever... episode the other man had had was over.

It didn’t take long until a tentative hand settled on his shoulder.

“I’m done.”

‘Done’ turned out to be an oversized, fairly ratty t-shirt and very baggy sweatpants – certainly nothing he’d have expected the other man to own or wear. He swallowed down his comment and forced a smile.

“Are you feeling warmer?”


	35. Chapter 35

“Mh, a little.”

Yuuri sighed softly. His nerves were still raw from what he’d witnessed.

They needed to talk about it. ‘I don’t know’ wasn’t a good enough answer. So, he sat back down, against the headboard of the bed and lifted the blankets in an invitation for Victor. There was a little hesitation before he crawled underneath and closer to Yuuri.

The other man suddenly seemed hesitant to get too close, to touch Yuuri of his own volition. He decided that maybe it was his turn to reach out, maybe, and awkwardly shuffled underneath the blankets as well. He tentatively reached for Victor and pulled him closer.

There was no resistance – the Russian eagerly slid closer, until his face was buried against Yuuri’s chest, his arms wrapped around him again. He instinctively curled against him, his own arms behind Victor’s shoulders.

He wasn’t sure who was holding on to whom more – not that it really mattered.

After a while, he broke the silence again.

“Victor…”

The Russian cursed quietly in his native language.

“Please, you need to tell me. What… what happened. I thought it was… going okay?”

The other man shivered and tightened his hold.

“I’m sorry Yuuri. I really don’t know exactly what it was. It was just… I felt so overwhelmed all of a sudden.”

“Was it me?”

A soft chuckle tickled his chest. “No. It’s not like that. I guess I was overthinking. It’s not like me.”

Yuuri grimaced – that was really more his own strength, really.

“Overthought…”

“This. You. I just… You know you can leave if you want, right?”

He froze for a second – the last thing he’d expected to hear.

“Leave? I don’t want to leave.”

Victor sobbed quietly, but he when he pulled back a moment later, there were no tears.

“But Yuuri... I’m broken. Maybe for good. I don’t… I don’t know!”

He could feel his own tears slowly rolling down his cheeks as Victor spoke. He sounded small – lost. Yuuri HATED it. He’d never wanted anything more in life than he wanted for Victor NOT to sound like that ever again.

Resolutely, he scooted down lower on the bed until they were eye-to-eye. Victor just watched him move.

“Listen to me, Victor. You’re not broken. You’re just… a little unwell. And I’m here because I WANT to be. Okay. Don’t doubt that, even for a second.”

He saw the Russian gulp and flush slightly – then those blue eyes fluttered closed.

“… Okay. I’m sorry for freaking out.”

“It’s fine. But next time… maybe if it happens again, you can tell me? And we can get through it together? Instead of… the shower thing?”

To his surprise Victor’s lips twitched into what he could only describe as a sleazy grin.

“Yuuuuri… are you offering to shower with me?”

He squealed and tried to squirm backwards, but Victor’s arms didn’t let him.

“N-No! I just! I meant that I’d help you with… what you were feeling!”

Victor chuckled. “I know what you meant. I was only teasing. I think… the more I think about it, the more I think I just wanted to… feel something? Something physical. That’s… easier than the emotional stuff. I’m an athlete, I understand things hurting and aching.”

Yuuri nodded slowly – his words made sense. A little, at least.

Unsure what to say he shuffled away a little and smiled softly. Victor was visibly confused until he whistled – a moment later, Makkachin landed on the bed between them, tail thumping and tongue licking everywhere.

It had the desired effect – although she kicked Yuuri in the side, she got Victor to laugh again. He didn’t miss the way Victor hid a tear in her fur – nor did he pull away when Victor tangled the hand he wasn’t using to pet Makka with his own.

There were worse things than laying in bed with a beautiful man and his dog, after all.


	36. Chapter 36

‘Worse things’ proved to be not far off at all. The next morning, Victor woke up… tense. He still seemed a little off from the night before, so Yuuri did his best to initiate as many hugs as he could before they headed to the rink.

Once there… well, the other man had been right.

Everyone asked to see the medal, congratulated Victor… and he himself was met with polite but slightly distant greetings. Yuri Plisetsky was outright hostile, but that wasn’t surprising. Mila was the only one who immediately smiled at him when she saw him.

He was grateful for it – although he kept his promise and stuck close to Victor, having another friendly face at the unfamiliar rink was… good.

Half-way through the practice he realised that despite his god-awful attitude, his namesake was looking out for him too. When Mila had excused herself, the younger skater had immediately approached and started to berate him about his triple axel combo.

Yuuri KNEW he had it down – an excuse, he realised, to keep him company.

He felt irrationally grateful for it, actually.

Keeping an eye on Victor proved easy enough as well – the other man was the centre of attention and was generally wherever Yakov’s booming voice echoed from.

It was around lunchtime that the other skater disappeared – and Yuuri had no idea where to. Mila noticed his sudden change in attitude and pointed him towards the changing room, where he just caught a glance at silver hair.

He hastily followed, practically sprinting over as soon as he had his skate guards on.

They were alone in the changing room, but he could tell even from looking at Victor’s back that something wasn’t right.

“Victor…?” He asked, hesitant to reach out to the other all of a sudden.

Victor spun around, studied him for a moment, and then allowed himself to relax. A bone-deep look of exhaustion settled on his face and he allowed himself to drop onto the bench in front of the lockers.

“Victor? What’s wrong?” He asked again.

  
Tentative arms reached out and wrapped around his middle. Awkwardly patting Victor’s head, he waited for the other man to recover some.

“Yakov… Yakov is being strict. It’s tough. He says I’m slacking off.”

Yuuri scoffed – he’d watched Victor all day, and the man was skating perfectly.

“Is that why you came here?”

  
“Yes. I needed a break, just a moment to myself. I didn’t want to bother you.”

He carded his hands through Victor’s silver hair. “Please bother me, okay? I want to help. You’re not alone.”

Yuuri stumbled when at his last sentence, Victor reared back, shock obvious on his face. He wasn’t sure why – it wasn’t really anything he hadn’t said before… right?

“Victor?”

“It’s nothing, жизнь моя.” Victor stood and ran a hand through his hair – it looked more beautiful than it had any right to do. When a moment later he found himself wrapped in another hug, he returned it eagerly.

He wasn’t sure he really understood, but that was ok – as long as he could help.

With him in his skates and Victor barefoot, he was almost taller – at the very least, the same height. It was an odd position, and when Victor drew back just a little, he gulped at the… unbidden thoughts the change in height brought. Chuckling, Victor placed his hands on Yuuri’s hips, the long digits feeling too-warm even through his shirt.

“We should probably go back. Yakov is probably mad.”

It wasn’t what Yuuri had wanted to hear – but then, he realised with a start that what he HAD wanted to hear was entirely inappropriate. Shaking it off, he smiled.

“Sure you don’t want another hug first?”

Victor chuckled and leaned closer again, his face tucked into Yuuri’s shoulder. He mumbled something – in Russian.

“Huh?”

“Mh, sorry. I was just saying that it’s nice when you’re this tall.”

Blushing faintly, Yuuri cleared his throat. He’d had similar thoughts after all – just a little less… polite ones. “Mh. You should probably put your skates back on though.”

Victor sighed.

“Probably. Think Yakov will believe me if I say I lost one?”

Yuuri snickered.

“No… he might just make you skate in rentals.”

They shivered in shared distaste – no professional skater liked rentals.

After one last squeeze of Yuuri’s hand, Victor turned back towards the door. Yuuri was proud of him when he only hesitated a little before pressing down the handle and striding back to the rink.


	37. Chapter 37

The rest of the week passed… well, not much better.

Yuuri followed Victor’s training schedule – it wasn’t too different from his own, except it featured less ice time. That wasn’t a problem – he compensated with higher intensity workouts. Most of them ended with Victor completely out of breath, moaning about how Yuuri could keep going as long as he did.

Nationals were creeping closer – as Ciao Ciao reminded him nearly every day. They’d set up a schedule of Yuuri calling him once a day to discuss his progress. He still wasn’t pleased with Yuuri’s decision not to come back, but he was professional enough to let it go.

Yuuri was grateful – he didn’t need even more pressure.

Since his coach didn’t have anything to complain about as far as his skating went when he sent him a video, he figured it was all fine.

What WASN’T fine was Victor – it was obvious the man was pushing himself too much. Where the first day he’d only gone to hide in the changing room once, Yuuri found himself following him there several times during their sessions soon. It was always much the same – as soon as they were alone, Victor would hug him, apologise and just… take a few moments.

  
Yuuri didn’t know what to do – he knew that, at least, Mila had noticed they wandered off together. She didn’t say a word though – he was more than grateful. By the time the weekend rolled around, he knew that… well, that something had to give.

He approached Victor carefully.

“Have you… have you thought about asking Yakov to go a little easy on you?” He asked after stretching out under the blanket next to Victor. They shared every night now, and the Russian had just lifted his own blanket to lay down.

“Yakov? Have you met him?”

“Well… I mean if you tell him that the pressure is getting to you…”

Victor smiled softly.

“I appreciate the thought but Yakov isn’t the sort to understand that. Besides, he’s been with me for almost my entire life. I know him, and he knows me. His generation… they don’t really ‘get’ my kind of struggle.”

Yuuri nodded slowly – he knew that he was incredibly lucky that Celestino DID understand and was more than willing to accommodate his anxiety. Yuuri didn’t think Yakov was as unsympathetic as Victor thought – the older coach was certainly intimidating but he’d actually been nothing but polite and helpful to Yuuri during their few direct interactions.

He’d even apologised for how he’d treated him in Victor’s hotel – and complimented his spins.

It wasn’t much, but it was better than the alternative.

Victor stretched out next to him, drawing him out of his thoughts.

“Why are you asking, all of a sudden?” Yuuri studied the frown on Victor’s face as he asked.

“Well, it just seems like… throughout the week, you’ve been struggling more?”

“A little. But it’s the weekend now. So, I can recover a little.” He sighed and stretched, back arching, blanket slipping down his toned body.

Yuuri automatically pulled it back up.

“… Okay. Is there something you want to do this weekend then?” He felt like he should maybe argue, maybe insist that Victor at least ask Yakov, but decided against it. He’d rather focus on helping him get better anyway.

Victor’s expression turned in a moment – gone was the tension, back was the heart-shaped smile he loved so much. NO, he corrected himself – Liked. Not loved. Anything more than ‘like’ was out of the question.

“Have you ever ridden a boat, Yuuri?”


	38. Chapter 38

Victor’s idea of a ‘boat’ turned out to be a luxury dinner cruise just outside of St. Petersburg. Well, dinner cruise – Victor hadn’t actually called it luxury, but he was smart enough to figure out that part for himself. Thankfully, Victor was kind enough not to blindside him with this – he had a few hours warning at least.

Saturday morning, Victor woke him by noisily digging through some bags and boxes – the clothes he’d bought for Yuuri had been delivered… apparently.

Still bleary-eyed, he crawled out of bed only to nearly trip over a pair of dress shoes there. They hadn’t even LOOKED at shoes in the store. He sighed. A moment later, a shirt landed on his head – it felt incredibly soft and was a lovely shade of off-white and lilac with matte white buttons.

“Try that on!” Victor exclaimed, far too awake and… chipper for Yuuri’s liking. He’d been chattering for a bit about their plans for the day – he hadn’t listened much.

Groaning, he obeyed though – he wasn’t awake enough for anything else. Squinting, he spotted that Victor was already holding a pair of dress pants to go with his shirt and sighed. Stripping out of the sweatpants and shirt he’d slept in, he pulled on the dress shirt and started to button it. He got about half-way before a choked-off wheezing sound interrupted him, followed by a coughing fit.

“Victor? Something wrong?” He asked, suddenly worried, and immediately went looking for his glasses. Putting them on, he could finally see Victor clearly – the man was dressed in what Yuuri liked to think of his ‘expensive casual’ clothes – light linen pants and a loose but well-fitting pale turquoise shirt.

Studying Victor’s clothes made Yuuri realise what HE was wearing… and had he really just taken his clothes off in front of Victor? He gulped, suddenly beyond embarrassed. He was standing in front of Victor… in his black briefs and an expensive, half-buttoned shirt.

Almost automatically, his fingers released the button he’d been about to do up. Victor was still frozen, and Yuuri took a moment to appreciate the expression on his face – pure, unaltered shock and a pink blush that seemed to spread all the way down his throat. Victor’s eyes didn’t meet his though – they were glued to the fourth button of the shirt that he’d just closed.

Fingers shaking, he reached for the next one, and just like that, Victor’s trance seemed broken. He straightened, holding the dress pants that presumably went with his shirt. Slowly closing the rest of his buttons, he held his hand out for the pants.

“Victor?” He asked again, when he realised Victor never answered… and hadn’t made a sound at all, actually.

The Russian cleared his throat. “Yes, uh, here.” He finally handed over the pants and Yuuri put them on as quickly as he could without making it obvious that he was embarrassed.

He probably had no reason to be – after all, he’d seen Victor entirely naked once. He just hoped the Russian didn’t mind and wasn’t offended. His reaction had certainly been… odd.

Turning his attention back to the clothes he’d been given, he looked at himself – from what he could see, they fit well – they certainly felt nice.

“How do I look?” He eventually asked his oddly silent companion.

Victor said something in rapid Russian – too fast for him to pick up, not that the few phrases he had picked up over the week were likely to help him understand either way. “You look good. Is it comfortable?” Victor’s voice sounded a little more accented than usual – the sound sent a shiver down Yuuri’s back.

“Mhm. Thank you for all this.”

Victor nodded and folded up another shirt he’d been holding.

“Did you want me to try that one on too?” Yuuri surprised himself by asking. To his surprise, Victor shook his head quite vigorously.

“No! No, this is more than enough for today. How about some breakfast?”

Food sounded good – Yuuri liked food.

“Please.”

Maybe once they ate, the tension and awkwardness between them would be gone.

He needn’t have worried – after another glance at his getup, Victor brightened up and led him to the kitchen, where a fresh batch of coffee was already waiting.


	39. Chapter 39

They spent the day… well, not doing much. Other than walking Makka, at least. Victor lead them to a nice park where they sat for a while, despite the cold weather. Makka wasn’t bothered. She had a little coat that looked suspiciously like it had some Chanel branding on it – not that that was all that surprising.

Yuuri felt overdressed in his dress slacks and shirt, but then the warm coat Victor had covered him almost to his knees, so he tried to ignore the feeling. Watching Makka race through the snow in the park was certainly enough to distract him.

A few other dogs came over to play, but not too many were out in the late morning – so they spent it on a bench, chatting about nothing in particular.

Of course, Yuuri was all too aware that their plans later that night were a little less… common. A dinner cruise, Victor had said – dinner on a boat. He’d certainly never done that. He was looking forward to it, for the most part.

Heading back to the flat, they shared a quick lunch meal before Victor suggested they head to the pier – apparently, there was some sight-seeing before the dinner part of their cruise. Yuuri was all too happy to do so – being in the flat again reminded him of… well, that morning.

Shaking off the memory, he followed Victor to the door. After at LEAST five minutes of saying goodbye to Makka, Victor hailed a cab for them. It wasn’t a long ride at all – maybe twenty minutes until they were standing near the entrance of a marina. The smell of the ocean was achingly familiar – it was less prevalent near Victor’s flat, so Yuuri allowed himself a few deep breaths, nostalgia washing over him.

“You alright?” Victor asked.

“Yes, I’m fine. I was just… thinking of home. My family’s onsen is right by the beach. It’s a whole different ocean, but the smell… it’s the same. Always reminds me of home.”

Victor chuckled fondly.

“I see. Shall we go and see if we can board yet?”

Yuuri nodded and followed Victor. To his pleasant surprise, he’d seen less of that fake smile so far – not that he was surprised when it returned as soon as he approached what turned out to be the captain of their cruise. He was more than effusive in his greeting of Victor and all too happy to switch to English for Yuuri’s convenience.

“Pleasure to meet you Mr. Katsuki! Thank you for joining us on our trip today! If you’d like, you can make yourself comfortable on the upper deck already. We’ll be serving drinks once the rest of our guests have boarded.” The captain said, his voice heavy with Russian accent.

Up on said upper deck, Yuuri quickly found a series of tables decked for two or more – one of them no doubt for them. He gently nudged Victor who was looking out over the pier.

“Isn’t this… isn’t this for couples?”

Victor chuckled. “I guess. I called the cruise organiser and said I was trying to show my competitor a good time – they said this cruise was a popular choice for groups of tourists.”

Yuuri nodded. “Good. I wouldn’t want anyone to think… Well, I don’t want to cause any problems for you.”

To his surprise, Victor leaned close to him, pressing their sides together for a moment. It didn’t last, but it was reassuring enough – Victor wasn’t worried, so he didn’t need to be either. He allowed himself to relax and look around too – it really was a lovely ship.


	40. Chapter 40

The captain had told the truth – within a few minutes, a young waiter had stopped by to offer them champagne, and not long after, the upper deck filled with people in evening clothes. Victor had been right – there were all sorts of groups. Certainly couples, but also a group of about five women that seemed to speak Italian, as well as some other, bigger mixed groups.

Victor kept up his polite smile, of course, but it didn’t feel as… forced as it normally did.

Being early, Victor had reserved them a good spot for viewing, so when the ship slowly pulled away, he eagerly pointed out this sight or that to Yuuri, all with the kind of commentary only a local could provide. They were both leaning on the railing, close together since it was the only way Yuuri could really hear him speak.

He didn’t think dinner could hold a candle to that part of their evening, not when Victor’s soft voice kept drowning out the sounds around them, and the warmth of his arm radiated through his coat and shirt.

When an announcement sounded maybe a half hour later, asking everyone to take to their tables, he was almost disappointed… even if he was hungry already.

Their table proved to be quite close to the edge of the deck – it had a great view. He hadn’t noticed at first, but there were sliding dividers that protected the tables from the chilly eventing air. Once everyone had taken their seats, a group of waiters closed them – within moments, it was several degrees warmer and he slipped off his coat.

Victor did the same, across from him. He looked like he fit right in – comfortable in the fancy environment. It suited him.

He was startled out of his thoughts when a waiter placed a menu before him – it indicated multiple courses with two options each… but it was written in Russian. Before he could so much as point this out to Victor, a blushing waitress had already grabbed it and replaced it with one in English.

“Thanks.” He mumbled and studied it again.

“Do you know what you’d like?” Victor asked after a few minutes.

“Well… honestly… I don’t really know?” He certainly knew most of the ingredients listed, but he had absolutely no idea what in the world they were actually supposed to be. Stuttering a little, he said as much to Victor.

Thankfully, the other man didn’t laugh at him or anything – he simply snatched up Yuuri’s menu and started explaining what each of the eight overall dishes were.

Yuuri settled on a scallion and cucumber salad, followed by an oven-baked flounder fillet with broccoli florets on the side, then a chicken salad dish, and finally a slice of cinnamon cheesecake for dessert.

Victor chose similarly – he picked the braised beef short ribs with cabernet sauvignon sauce for his entrée though. He was nice enough to relay their choices to the waitress when she returned, before studying him with a small smile.

“Hm?”

“Are you having fun?”

The question caught Yuuri off guard – he wasn’t sure what to say.

“I’m having a good time. How about you?”

“Mhm. Would you like some wine?” Yuuri nodded, and just a few moments later, a bottle of red appeared at their table. They toasted quietly, each taking a sip.

“It’s good.”

Victor sighed. “I’m glad. I wasn’t sure… if you’d like this.”

“Well, I’ve never done it before. But it’s fun. I wonder how the food is.”

The Russian chuckled. “According to the reviews, quite good. Was there something else you’d have rather done?”

He shook his head. “No. I would have been just as happy staying home.”

“Hm, I didn’t want you to get bored.”

The words made him look up – Victor had had an odd inflection.

“I won’t. I wouldn’t. I promise. I’m happy to just… be at home.” He tried to show Victor that he meant it, tried to put as much feeling as he could into his gaze. It seemed to work – Victor blushed slightly and nodded.


	41. Chapter 41

They had their meal in relative silence – other than a few comments about the food itself, neither seemed to want to disturb the comfortable silence between them. It wasn’t awkward – more that they both followed their own thoughts.

While Yuuri would have loved to know Victor’s, he was equally happy to just observe. He’d never get tired of watching the beautiful man – not when he was so expressive when it came to their food. It was probably the most… real Yuuri had seen him in public.

Well, relative public – nobody was really paying their table much attention. That suited Yuuri just fine – he liked it better when Victor didn’t have to pretend. Dinner ended almost too soon, and they found themselves back at the pier, his legs a little shaky. He wasn’t sure if it was the transition from boat to ground or the three glasses of wine he’d had – but either way, he found himself leaning a little on Victor as they made their way back to the flat.

The cab ride seemed shorter than before – by the time the door closed behind them and Makka greeted them, Yuuri was extremely tired. More so than expected – he yawned as soon as he took his shoes off.

“Mind if I have a shower and go straight to bed?” He asked his host, who barely seemed to hear him over his coos over Makkachin.

He ambled into the bathroom, one of the more casual shirts Victor had bought him with him. The shower was wonderful – the cold wind had stiffened his muscles up more than a bit, and the hot water worked out quite a few of the kinks there.

He also found himself thinking of Victor again – though, when didn’t he?

Shaking off the particular… venue his thoughts were trying to go down proved to be – well, it was more difficult than he’d expected. Then again it HAD been a while for him… but he couldn’t, not in Victor’s bathroom.

Sighing, he turned the temperature to cold, counted to ten, and turned the water off. It had certainly done the trick, even if it had been an unpleasant end to his shower. Towelling off quickly, he slipped on his fresh clothes and ambled back to the bedroom. Victor was already in bed – sitting up against the headboard, playing on his phone.

He greeted him with a smile Yuuri was familiar with – not the kind he ever showed in public.

Yuuri was… very fond of it. Smiling back, he slipped under his own blanket and yawned again. Victor wasted no time in plastering himself to his side – while they had initially started the night apart, come morning they were always touching in some way.

  
Sometime during the week Victor had given up the pretense, and so Yuuri often found himself with Victor’s head pillowed on his shoulder, or their legs entwined. It was a kind of casual intimacy he wasn’t used to – yet he didn’t think anything had ever felt more natural when he thought about it.

This time it seemed Victor was determined to wrap himself around him completely – an arm and a leg thrown over him, he also felt the older man’s cheek settle on his shoulder. Shuffling to get more comfortable, he couldn’t help the contented sigh that escaped him when he found the right position.


	42. Chapter 42

“So, did you enjoy the dinner?” Victor asked quietly, his mouth close to Yuuri’s ear.

“Mhm. The food was delicious. You’ve already asked me, remember?”

The Russian hummed. “I just wanted to make sure. I had a good time too. It’s been a long time since I’ve actually looked at St. Petersburg. Does that make sense?”

Yuuri shrugged. “I guess if you live somewhere it just becomes… habit. You don’t notice anymore.”

“Exactly. Could I… ask you a favour?”

“Of course.” He didn’t bother asking what it was before he agreed – it really didn’t matter.

“Would you hold me? Just for a little while.”

Yuuri blushed, glad that it was hidden in the darkness of the room. For all that they were often touching or hugging, they rarely addressed this – the fact that Victor asked so plainly was… well, it was unusual.

He rolled over, completing their embrace as best as he could. Victor’s hold on him tightened immediately, until it was almost painful. Yuuri wasn’t sure why his friend needed it so suddenly, but he wasn’t about to argue – not when he was enjoying it too.

“Thank you.” Victor mumbled into his shoulder.

Without thinking about it, he pressed a quick kiss to the top of Victor’s head.

The man tensed immediately, just about every muscle in his body tense. Yuuri held his breath as well – he had NOT meant to do that, had been tired and not thinking… and now he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do or say.

Victor wasn’t breathing either – not for a long moment, anyway. Then the tension left him with a whoosh and he cuddled up even closer if that was possible. Yuuri allowed himself to breathe as well – Victor didn’t seem to mind.

Still, he swore himself, that was the first and last time he’d allow something like that to happen.

It wasn’t like that between them. It couldn’t be, not when Victor was struggling so much he needed hugs every few hours. It wasn’t right of him to take advantage of Victor, not when he wasn't... well, he'd said it himself - he wasn't interested in a relationship, nor in anything else.

He was the last person who wanted to endanger Victor's career, no matter how much he was crushing on the other man... and that would still be the case if it WASN'T for Victor's depression. That was, at the very least, a reason of its own to NOT even consider what he caught himself thinking about sometimes. It was easy, he had to admit - they were closer than he had ever been to anyone, and, well, it was Victor.

It had ALWAYS been Victor.

He fell asleep still scolding himself mentally.


	43. Chapter 43

Yuuri woke up more comfortable than he’d ever been. It took him a moment to figure out why – and where he was. It felt more like a dream than reality. Victor was still asleep, firmly wrapped around him from behind. Their legs were gently tangled, Victor’s face pressed against his neck. Makka was curled up near his knees, and the first rays of sunshine tickled his nose.

He had no idea what time it was, but he was struck with the sudden thought that he wanted to wake up that way the rest of his life – and that if he never had to move ever again, that was fine too. Gently placing his hand on the arm wrapped around his middle, he reassured himself that it was real – of course it was.

Sighing softly, he also acknowledged how… dangerous it was to let himself feel that way. Victor wouldn’t be there forever – in fact, they had only a few more weeks together. And then… well, he had no idea what would happen, really. He just knew that he had to do his best to not get too attached – the last thing he needed was to get his heart broken by a man he was only supposed to help fight his demons.

He had enough of his own without adding a broken heart to that.

His fingers must have clenched down on Victor’s hand without him noticing, because the other man woke with a start when he released his hold on him. Like usual, Victor woke up better than him – he didn’t seem to be half as drowsy as Yuuri felt.

“Did you sleep well?” The Russian asked, his voice rough from sleep.

“Very. You?”

“Mhm. Hangover?”

He blinked at the question.

“No. I didn’t have that much.”

Victor nodded against him and then pulled away – he didn’t stop him, even if his back now felt… cold.

The other man had to take out Makka, he knew – and he needed the bathroom. Mentally mourning the end of their embrace, he stumbled his way into the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face.

He was much more awake once he was done – Victor was already sitting on the couch, half-empty cup of coffee in his hands.

Yuuri got his own from where it was sitting on the counter and joined him there. Their knees brushed and they shared a quiet smile over their cups.

His heart clenched in a now familiar way.

“Yuuri?”

“Mh?”

“Do you want to go to the rink?”

He blinked in surprise.

“Today?”

“Yeah. It’s closed. It would be just us. Yakov doesn’t open it on Sundays unless it’s the day before a competition for someone.”

Yuuri smiled.

“I’d love to.”

Skating with Victor and without the pressure of watchful eyes? It sounded like heaven.


	44. Chapter 44

Victor, as it turned out, was as strict a coach as he’d seen Yakov be. The man was relentless in his critique of Yuuri’s skating – still, he couldn’t find it in himself to be mad, not when the man’s sharp criticisms were also… well, right.

To his astonishment he saw actual improvements in his routine for nationals as he obeyed Victor’s orders. It also felt good to just… skate. He didn’t often have a rink all to himself, so just making use of the entire space for himself felt wonderful.

Chasing Victor when the other encouraged him to play tag felt even better.

He couldn’t remember the last time he was out of breath just from laughing – actually, that wasn’t true. He COULD remember… and he’d been with Victor then too.

Naturally, he had no hope of catching him. Not when the older skater had longer legs, and a head start. Even his increased stamina wasn’t quite enough to get him to win – so he decided to change the game.

He stopped in the middle of the ice, letting Victor skate all the way to the edge of the rink, where he turned to see why he wasn’t chasing him anymore. It took a surprising amount of willpower to raise his hand and extend it out to the other man.

There was no hesitation before Victor pushed off and skated towards him, gloved hand in his own. Yuuri didn’t hesitate either, too worried he’d lose his nerve. He spun, pulling Victor with him, a hand on his hip.

Ice dancing wasn’t exactly his strength, but he could manage a few moves. Victor caught on quickly, eagerly leaning into his motions, that heart-shaped smile bright on his face. It was the happiest he’d ever seen Victor look.

When the other man winked at him and wrapped his fingers around his waist, he didn’t even think about hesitating – he allowed the other to lift him, to hold him up. The landing could have been a little gentler, but there wasn’t much for him to complain about, all in all.

It reminded him of when they’d danced in Victor’s hotel room. He separated from the other, putting a bit of distance between them – then he jumped. An easy jump – a double flip, just to see if Victor got it.

Of course he did – it was Victor Nikiforov. He spun, jumped again – a triple axel. He heard the sound of Victor’s skate hitting the ice almost at the same time as his own.

Perfect.

Before he could think of another move though, hands settled on his hips and manipulated his form – into a spread eagle. He leaned into it, his hair just lightly brushing against Victor’s chest. When Victor let go, he caught hold of his right hand again and pulled them together again. This time they skated chest to chest, Victor backwards, him forwards. He knew it took a lot of trust from the other man to allow this – yet when he looked into his eyes, all he could see was happiness and affection.

No doubt his own weren’t much different.

He gulped and reached forward, his hand clasping around Victor’s neck. For a moment he was tempted… so tempted…

Then he closed his eyes and pulled them into a spin, before pulling away with a small laugh that was more disappointment that he hadn’t leaned in than anything else.

He turned away quickly, suddenly eager to hide his face. Their pair skate devolved into something simpler – circles around the rink, before eventually, Yuuri slowed down and came to a stop by the gate.

He was out of breath – so was Victor. It was no wonder – they’d spent quite some time skating together.

Yuuri’s smile when Victor handed him his skate guard was forced – the one when the other man threw him his shoes a minute later wasn’t.

Yuuri Katsuki was a determined man – and he was determined to stay in his lane.

Well, whatever that was.


	45. Chapter 45

Monday morning came quickly, and it hit hard.

Back at training, Yuuri had expected Victor to be… better. He’d expected the other man to have recovered. He’d hoped it, at least… but it was quickly apparent that this was not the case. Even his practiced polite smile wasn’t at full wattage – more than that, the man was visibly tired from the minute he stepped on the ice.

Yakov was relentless. He’d heard Victor tell some story about going out drinking the day before – he didn’t know if Yakov bought it, but he was certainly even stricter with Victor than ever before. It wasn’t just Yuuri that looked on incredulously at he pushed Victor, harder and harder.

Then something happened that Yuuri had never expected – he watched Victor fall. Not just fumble a jump, but full on wipe out on the ice. He slid a few feet out of his failed quad before getting back up and wiping himself off.

Yakov never gave him a break, ordered him to get straight to it. Yuuri could easily see the clouds of anger that were forming on Victor’s face, but the man obeyed – at least, at first. Their eyes met across the rink, and Yuuri saw the flash of pain there, moments before Victor pushed off the ice again.

Yuuri knew he’d fall before he’d fully taken off.

He was moving a split-second later. By the time Victor hit the ice, Yuuri was already there, putting himself physically between Yakov and Victor. He was furious with the coach – he had to know he was pushing too hard.

When Victor looked up, he was evidently surprised that Yuuri was there – and he didn’t seem to be able to hide it, not really.

Yuuri’s decision was made before Victor even made a move to get up.

Since he’d made sure that Victor was okay, he shot around and faced the much taller Yakov. He didn’t care – he wasn’t intimidated by the other, he was ANGRY at him.

“What are you DOING? Can’t you see you’re pushing him too hard? You’re his COACH!”

His anger was readily mirrored in Yakov’s face, but it didn’t deter him.

“And you? What are YOU doing? You are a GUEST at my rink. Now you think you know better than me how to train my skaters?”

“I’m a skater too! I at least know NOT to risk someone getting hurt.”

“Vitya knows what he’s doing!” Yakov snarled back. “He did before you came, and he will again once you’re gone.”

He didn’t miss the subtle hint there – not that he could credit what the man was implying – or think about why he was doing so.

“Yuuri-” Victor began, as a hand settled gently on Yuuri’s shoulder. He didn’t shrug it off, but it was a close thing.

“Mr. Feltsman, I am well aware of your reputation as a great coach, so I’m sure you’ll agree with me that Victor is in NO shape to skate today.” He snarled at the taller man, angrier than he could ever recall being before.

The coach looked past him, at Victor who was standing behind him. Yuuri had no idea what he saw in the man’s face, but Yakov barked a harsh laugh, before shaking his head.

“That, Mr. Katsuki, might be the first smart thing you’ve said today. Go, take him with you. Eat pizza, watch a movie or whatever you do on your days off, and then come back when you’ve got yourself sorted.”

In absolute silence, Victor and Yuuri skated to the exit and put their skate guards on. Yuuri was aware that every person in the place was staring at them, but for once, he didn’t care. His anger fuelled him to practically stalk to the changing room.

He heard Yakov call out something to Victor in Russian, but he paid it no mind.

As soon as the door closed behind them, though, his anger evaporated.


	46. Chapter 46

Arms closed around him like a vice, and a moment later, a head dropped onto his shoulder from behind. Before he could even open his mouth, quiet sobs filled the silence of the changing room. He could feel Victor shaking as he held onto him. After a few more moments, he quietly called out to the other man.

No response.

He tried again.

“Victor…?”

This time, the other man gave a start, as if he hadn’t expected anyone to speak at all. His hold loosened and Yuuri spun around, not at all sure what he’d see – he wasn’t expecting the huge tears that were streaming down Victor’s cheeks.

He was a beautiful cryer, but… but he shouldn’t be crying at all. The pit that settled in his stomach was heavy – was this… his fault? He’d been trying to help, not make it worse for the other.

“Victor, please talk to me.” He requested.

“Y-Yuuri… I…” He broke off, his voice choked off a bit.

He waited.

“C-Can we go home? Please?”

Nodding, he motioned the crying skater to sit on the bench. He knew where Victor’s locker was and readily opened it. When he made no move to get his things, Yuuri handed him his shoes, then his jacket. Victor’s tears had mostly dried by the time they were ready to leave – there wasn’t any expression at all, anymore.

It was terrifying Yuuri.

Instead of walking the relatively short distance, Yuuri hailed them a cab.

Victor didn’t say a word, not until they were home. Makka took one look at them when they came in, and, with a whine, rolled up in a corner of the room. Yuuri navigated Victor to the couch and sat him down there.

Not knowing what to do, Yuuri made them both a cup of tea – it was all he could think of to calm his own nerves.

Victor accepted the cup when handed it but made no motion to drink it.

Yuuri sat down next to him, fear welling up when no reaction came… again. Ultimately, he took Victor’s cup from him and set it down on the table, before grabbing his shoulders and turning him over. Victor looked at him like he’d never seen him before – after a few moments, he seemed to shake some of…well, of whatever it was that was going on in his head.

“Yuuri?”

“Yes? Are you… no you’re not okay, how are you feeling? What… what happened?”

It was the wrong question to ask, apparently. Victor seemed to shut down even more, pain flashing across his features.

“You saw what happened. I fell.”

“No, not that. With… with Yakov. Why was he so… so…?”

Victor shivered.

“I don’t know. He’s never been like this. Not… not since I was a teenager. I really meant it when I said that he’s… a good man. I don’t… I don’t know.”

The pit in his stomach grew even heavier – the confusion in Victor’s features was almost as bad as the pain there – especially since he was fairly certain that he was the cause for Yakov’s behaviour.

Then, as if he’d flipped the page in a book, Victor’s expression cleared, and he seemed to be looking at Yuuri properly for the first time since his fall.

“You… you stood up for me. To Yakov.”

He gulped.

“Yes.”

“You’re scared of him.”

Blushing a little, he shrugged. “A bit.”

“Yet you stood up to him, like a momma bear defending its cub.”

He gaped at the other man. “I! No! Not like that. I just... you WEREN’T pushing back, and I didn’t want you hurt.”

“I never push back. Not with things like that. It’s just… it’s easier to just follow the instructions.” Victor looked… almost ashamed, Yuuri thought.

“Well, this time I fought back for you.”

Victor surged forwards, quite suddenly, wrapping Yuuri in another crushing embrace.

“Nobody ever has. I… _Thank you_.”

He returned the hug, gently rocking them both on the couch until Victor’s grip slackened on him. To his surprise, when he pulled back, Victor was… asleep. He gently manipulated him until his head was pillowed in his lap.

He allowed himself to study his features – beautiful, as always, but even asleep there was pain visible in his face. Had he not been sleeping well? Was that why he had fallen? Yuuri gulped. He could feel it within himself – the very beginnings of a panic attack.

Fumbling, he reached for his phone. He fumbled for the contact for his therapist but missed – he ended up on the button for his mother. Despite the fact that it was late at night, she picked up before he could hang up and dial the right number.

“Yuu-chan? What’s wrong? You never call this late!”


	47. Chapter 47

He took a shaky breath.

“H-Hi ma! I-I kinda just…” He broke off, his breath coming faster and faster.

To his amazement, she seemed to understand, somehow.

“Oh honey, deep breaths. Deep breaths. Just focus on your breathing. It will pass. It always passes.”

She repeated the same thing a few more times, and soon, he really felt himself calm down a little. He forced a few more breaths, then allowed himself to relax a bit.

“Thanks, ma. I’m… sorry about that.”

“Oh hush you, you don’t have to say sorry. What… what happened? Are you… not happy in Russia?”

He groaned tonelessly.

“N-No, it’s not that. I mean, not really. It’s just… ma, I don’t know what to do. I was just… I came here to… to help someone, and I’m only making it worse.”

“What’s wrong with your Victor, is he sick? Injured?” His mother’s tone was completely free of judgement, even if her perceptiveness unnerved him. He hadn’t told her a word about why he’d gone – he’d told her the same thing he’d told everyone else. Then again, she had always understood him better than anyone.

“He’s… he’s… I really shouldn’t say. He trusts me not to.”

His mother hummed in response. “Well, okay then. You don’t have to tell me. But… why do you think you’re making it worse?”

“I just… I can see it, that it’s getting… harder for him.”

His mother took a few seconds to respond.

“Have you considered… maybe it’s not you? Maybe it’s everything else?”

“What do you mean?”

“Yuuri, he’s one of the best skaters in the world-”

“THE Best!” He interrupted her, blushing even as she chuckled.

“Fine, the best. That’s a lot of pressure. Maybe this has been building for a while and… you just happen to be there to see it? It could have nothing to with you. I’m CERTAIN it’s not your fault.”

“How can you be so sure?”

She sighed in that ‘I-know-more-than-you’ motherly tone he’d heard all his life.

“Because I know you, and you wouldn’t do that. Maybe… maybe he needs to leave? It helped your anxiety when you went to America. Not at first, but then you got that nice therapist, and you were doing better. Maybe Victor could-”

“He doesn’t want to. I’ve asked. And besides, in Russia, he couldn’t- Just… he couldn’t.”

His mother sighed again – this time more in concern.

“Well then… maybe he needs to… not be in Russia?”

He was about to respond, when he looked down – and icy blue eyes looked back up at him. Victor had woken up.

“M-Ma, I’m sorry, I have to go.”

“That’s okay my dear. But think about it, okay? Ask that boy to run away with you.”

Victor tentatively reached out and grabbed Yuuri’s free hand with his own.

“But Ma, I can’t just – what about the skating?”

“What about it? You can skate anywhere.”

Choking up a little, he stared down into Victor’s eyes. He was speaking Japanese, he knew Victor couldn’t understand.

“He’d never agree to come.”

His mother chuckled softly.

“Are you sure? Just ask. You might be surprised.”

“But… where would we go?”

His mother didn’t reply for a few seconds – long enough that he was wondering if she’d heard his question. Then she sighed again.

“Well, you haven’t been home in a long time. And we always have a spare bedroom if you bring a guest.”

He gasped weakly – he hadn’t even considered… no, he couldn’t. They couldn’t.

“At least think about it. Bye Yuuri!” She added, a few moments later. He mumbled his goodbyes as well, still staring down at Victor.


	48. Chapter 48

“Who was that?” The Russian eventually asked, breaking the silence.

“I… my mum.”

“Ah. Is everything okay?”

“Yes. She… I just… wanted to talk to her.”

Victor nodded, before leaning up with a wince.

“Are you in pain?”

“Mh, my shoulder is a little sore from falling. Nothing too serious. I’m sorry… for making such a scene.”

Yuuri shook his head so hard he nearly dropped his phone.

“N-No! Don’t worry about it. It’s fine. You didn’t. I’m just – I’m sorry for the role I played. Yakov probably wouldn’t be so mad if I wasn’t here.”

To his surprise, confusion warred with determination in Victor’s face for a moment – determination won.

“Yuuri… if you weren’t here, I probably wouldn’t be either. Don’t think for a moment that this is your fault.”

He gulped, his anxiety oddly eased by Victor’s words.

“I… I wanted to ask… what is it that Yakov said to you before we left?”

Victor blinked at him in surprise, before laughing weakly.

“Nothing worth repeating.” With that, he’d stood from the couch to pick up his now-cold cup of tea.

Yuuri snatched his wrist and stopped him from walking to the kitchen.

“I’d… still like to know. Please.” They stared at each other silently for a few moments, before Victor sighed and sat back down.

“He said ‘The next time you step foot into this rink, you better know what it’s going to be.’.”

“W-What does that mean?” He asked, trying to decipher what Victor’s coach had been talking about.

“Hm, it means that Yakov wants me to… commit to skating. Fully. No distractions.”

Yuuri reared back.

“Is… is that what I am? A distraction?”

Victor snorted. “In his eyes, maybe. But don’t mind that. He’s… he doesn’t understand. I don’t blame him because I also never tried to explain, but… still. Nothing about this is your fault. At all.”

“T-There are only a few more weeks until nationals.” Yuuri pointed out, disappointed when Victor’s expression only soured.

“I know. You don’t have to remind me. I just… I can’t go back today. Maybe… maybe tomorrow.”

He spoke in a tone that made it clear to Yuuri that the topic was done with – he didn’t mind. He wasn’t going to push, not on this. Wordlessly, he followed Victor into the kitchen and washed their mugs.

In silent agreement, they walked back to the couch and sat, Victor leaning against him, head on his shoulder. Yuuri’s arm was wrapped around the older skater’s shoulders, and they each followed their own thoughts, quietly.

Yuuri’s kept darting back to what his mother had said.

‘Ask that boy to run away with you.’

It was ridiculous… right?

There was no way he could expect Victor to leave his rink, his coach, so close to a competition. Unlike Yuuri, Victor fully expected to win, ad he’d already missed a fair bit of training.

But… but could he? Could they? Pack up and just… go?

Would Victor do better elsewhere? Maybe… maybe with his family?

His grip tightened involuntarily, and Victor gave a contented sigh.

Was it really that… easy?

Looking down at the silver hair of his companion, he smiled softly.

Nothing was ever _easy_ for him.

“Are you… thinking of going back home?” Victor asked, after a while. He flinched – the question was closer to what he’d been thinking about than he cared to admit.

“I – well… she always asks me. I haven’t been home in a few years, and… I don’t know. I’m… not going to leave you though, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

If the way he relaxed against his side was anything to go by, it had been.

“Do you mind if we… could we go lay down? I’m exhausted.”

“Of course…” He mumbled and released the older man. He followed him to the bedroom and turned off the light even as Victor more collapsed than he laid down. Makka was by his side in seconds, snuggling against him. Yuuri laid on the other side – Victor was asleep in moments.

That left him… thinking.

Which, all things considered, wasn’t always the best idea.

He pulled out his phone and opened a booking app, just to look at what flights to Japan would cost.

Just… just in case.

He nearly choked when he saw the prices – worse than they were from Detroit, even allowing for the exchange rate. He closed the app quickly. Clearly, there was no point in even CONSIDERING what he was considering.

A warm hand settled on his chest – even in his sleep, Victor had reached out to him. With a sigh, he curled up too – his fingers firmly linked with Victor’s.


	49. Chapter 49

Waking up well-rested in the middle of the night was always unsettling – especially, when he had no idea what had woken him up. It only took him a moment to figure it out though – Victor. Victor, who was thrashing around next to him, obviously having a nightmare.

He hestitated for a moment, before gently reaching out and shaking the other man’s shoulder. Well, at least that had been his intention. He didn’t get that far though – as soon as his fingers touched his shoulder, his eyes snapped open and met his own.

“Y-Yuuri?” He was a little out of breath, even.

“Sh… you had a nightmare.”

“And… I woke you up?”

“Don’t worry about it. What… were you dreaming about?”

The Russian groaned something in his native tongue. “Ah, don’t worry about it. I don’t… quite remember. Thank you for waking me.”

Yuuri could sense he wasn’t being honest – but he also wasn’t about to pry.

“Do you… want to sleep some more?”

Victor rubbed a hand over his face.

“I… no. I feel much better. What time is it?”

Yuuri checked his phone. “Almost 11pm.”

“Well… that much for our sleep schedule.” Victor sighed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep so late.”

“Don’t worry about it. You needed it.”

Victor nodded in the almost-darkness of the room.

“Speaking of needing things… could I ask a favour? I can feel my shoulder aching – would you help apply some ointment to it? I can’t reach.”

Yuuri blinked in surprise.

“Yes… of course. Where is it? I’ll get it for you.”

“Bathroom cabinet. It’s a silver tube with red and white writing.”

He located the ointment in question and returned to the bedroom – only to nearly have a heart attack. Victor had stripped of his shirt and was sitting on the edge of the bed with a soft smile… shirtless.

He gulped.

This… was going to be more difficult than anticipated. He crawled across the bed to the edge where Victor sat and shuffled up behind him.

“Turn around and face the window?”

The Russian obeyed easily, and Yuuri squeezed some of the clear gel onto his fingers. It felt cold – he rubbed it between his fingers for a few moments to warm it up.

“Your right, shoulder, isn’t it?”

Victor nodded, gasping slightly as Yuuri’s fingers first made contact with his skin. He was careful not to be too rough, unsure how much discomfort the other man was in. Eventually, when no protest came, he ran his fingers across the defined muscles more firmly, tackling a few tender spots as he came across them.

Squeezing more ointment into his hand, he moved along further towards the man’s neck – he had plenty sore spots there too. Victor melted like butter under his hands, relaxing and sighing whenever he touched a new spot.

It was… well, it was a lot more exciting than it had any right to be. Eventually though, he ran out of excuses – that is to say, new places to apply the ointment to – and he drew back.

“Was there… anywhere else you hurt?” He asked, unsure if he hoped the man would say yes or no.

Victor shuddered visibly, goosebumps travelling up his slick back. Yuuri gulped.

“No… that’s it. I can – the only other place is my hip, and I can reach that myself.” With a clear of his throat, Victor stood and snatched the tube from Yuuri before disappearing into the bathroom.

Staring after him, he tried to fight down the disappointment he was feeling – what HAD he expected, after all?

Cursing quietly, he laid back down and waited for the other man to come back. It didn’t take long – maybe a few minutes later, the man returned, shirt back on. Yuuri hadn’t even noticed him take it.

“Sorry for the wait.”

He smiled up at the other. “No problem. So what… what do we do now?”

Victor huffed.

“Well, this isn’t the sort of area where you can just go for a midnight stroll, really. I’m not in the mood to go clubbing… I don’t know.”

Yuuri wrinkled his nose at the idea of clubbing – he was fairly sure he had never in his LIFE felt like going clubbing. With no real plan, Victor settled by his side again.

“Yuuri?”

“Hm?”

  
“If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer it?”

He chuckled.

“What’s the question?”

“No, you have to promise first!”

Amused by his antics, he nodded. “Alright, fine.”

Victor paused for a moment and rolled over so they could look at each other more easily, even in the dark.

“What… when did you meet your first boyfriend?”

The question was so far out of left field, he was left speechless for a moment. Of all the things Victor could have made him promise to answer, THAT was his question? Then again, Yuuri had reacted somewhat badly on the few other occasions his history had come up.

He took a deep breath.

“Well… I was 18. Fresh off to university in Detroit. A boy a year above me approached me and asked me out. I was flattered and we went out a few times. We dated for maybe… six months?”

Victor nodded, shifting a little closer.

“And he was the first one you slept with?”

Glad that the darkness was hiding his flaming cheeks, he slowly shook his head.

“No, actually. The second. There was a boy, in high school. He and I… well, I think we just tried it because we were the only ones interested in other boys. It wasn’t bad or anything, but we didn’t stay in touch. It was just experimentation.”

“Oh.” Mumbled the Russian, clearly deep in thought.

“And after those two?”

Yuuri groaned again.

“Why are you so curious all of a sudden?”

Instead of giving an answer, Victor shrugged. When it became obvious that there wouldn’t BE an answer, Yuuri thought back.

“A classmate in uni. We dated for… almost my entire second year, then he decided to quit school. After that, I met a boy at a party, didn’t get his number though… oh and then there was the teacher’s aide. An older student. We got along well, but he didn’t like how much time I spent skating. I tried it briefly with a hockey player, but we didn’t make it past the second date.”

Victor nodded along as he spoke.

“Thank you for telling me.”

“Why did you ask?”

Victor hummed quietly. “I’ve been curious ever since you told me… how many. It’s not something I can speak to many people about, you know.”

Suddenly he felt a bit bad for being so suspicious of the other’s motives – it was normal to be curious. He probably would be as well.

“I-I never really got to ask you my question last time either.” He offered, a few moments later.

“Ask away.”

“Have you really never… had feelings for anyone? Been interested?”

Victor shook his head.

“No. Like I said, I pretty much… forgot all about all of that. Relationships, sex, I spent years without thinking about it at all.”

It sounded bizarre to Yuuri – for all that he was hardly a nymphomaniac, he still looked when he saw a good-looking man walk by. And he certainly had his urges…

“S-Since it’s illegal in Russia… are there other things?”

“Things?”

“L-Like porn? Gay porn? Magazines…”

Victor snorted, and Yuuri felt a bit like an idiot.

“I suppose there probably are, but I’ve never bothered with them. Wat would be the point?”

“Mh, I don’t really like them either. I know a lot of men do, but I always found them really embarrassing.”

“You said you kept those magazines your sister got you.”

Yuuri was surprised he remembered – it had just been a throwaway comment he’d made.

  
“I… well, yes, but that’s different. It’s not like those were anything… more than PG-13.”

Victor chuckled. “Fair enough. Any celebrity crushes?”

Now THAT was a question Yuuri would not answer honestly. ‘Yes, you’ wasn’t exactly something one could say to the person one was sharing a bed with.

“None since I was a teenager, and even then… nothing much.”

Victor nodded again.

“Do you… does your family know?”

“Mhm. They all were fine with it. My sister teased me, but… nobody minded. How… about yours?”

Victor laughed derisively.

“I’m sorry.”

“Mh, don’t be. It’s ancient history. I’m… glad your family is more accepting, though.”

Yuuri nodded, smiling fondly. “I know that I’m very lucky. They’ve never been anything but supportive of me. That’s why… well, when I left for university, I promised myself I would come back with some kind of gold medal and my degree.”

Victor chuckled.

“So what stopped you?”

He huffed. “Well, until last year, my lack of a degree, and currently, my lack of gold medals.”

Victor snuggled closer to him.

“Really? I have it on good authority you have one in your suitcase.”

“Well, that’s not MINE.”

“You never specified.”

Yuuri groaned in mock-annoyance, pleased when Victor chuckled with genuine amusement. Holding each other in the dark, trading quips and old memories… that sickeningly sweet domestic feeling that accompanied so many of their interactions was back with a vengeance.


	50. Chapter 50

Tuesday morning, Yuuri woke to clattering in the kitchen. Clearly, Victor had awoken before him and decided to make breakfast. Smiling to himself, he got up and got dressed. Helpfully enough, Victor had sorted the clothes he bought him by purpose – a lot of it was formal, or relatively formal at least – the rest were comfortable shirts not unlike his own – except in colours that Yuuri liked.

He didn’t get further than the bedroom door before his good mood evaporated into hot air though – that was when he spotted the other man in the kitchen. He was noisily putting away some cutlery it seemed, mostly facing away from Yuuri.

Victor looked… harrowed. Tired, even though they slept almost an entire day. Upset, distraught… whatever word Yuuri could think of, it _fit_ somehow. Swallowing, he clenched his hands on his sweater and stepped into the kitchen.

He was almost glad when Victor didn’t bother with a fake smile when he saw him. He mutely accepted the cup of coffee the skater had made him and joined him at the breakfast table, where small sandwiches with salmon waited for them. He forced himself to eat two of them and watched Victor do the same.

Then… well, the plan was obvious – the rink.

It physically hurt Yuuri to watch Victor plaster on that fake smile yet again. Several times, during the walk to the rink, he nearly blurted out something stupid. Something like ‘let’s call in sick’, or ‘let’s skip the day’. They couldn’t.

They had responsibilities. They were athletes. Yuuri understood the pressure. Probably felt it more keenly than Victor usually did, but as the approached the building… well, Victor’s mask started to crack even before they reached the building.

He noticed that they slowed their walk but said nothing – Victor didn’t seem particularly aware of it, at the very least… and the man was deep in thought either way.

Yuuri’s heart clenched every time he caught sight of the fake smile Victor wore. Something was different that morning – he just didn’t know what. When Victor paused in front of the entrance to the rink and turned to look at Yuuri, he found himself thinking about his mother’s words again.

Maybe… maybe it really wasn’t him that had caused this. Maybe… it had been a long time coming.

Maybe…

“Victor?”

“Hm?” The man paused, his hand on the handle to the door. He’d turned around almost too fast, eager to take even a little step back. It hadn’t been… that bad, the day before, not even close. He didn’t know what had changed, but… but… it was all wrong. It wasn’t supposed to be like that.

Yuuri’s heart skipped a beat, but his anxiety was late to the party – he’d already made his decision.

“What is it, Yuuri?” Victor asked a moment later.

Yuuri took a deep breath and stretched his hand out towards the other man.

“Run away with me.”

Victor’s bag slipped from his fingers and hit the floor with a thud. Yuuri would have looked, had it not been for the beautiful series of emotions that played across Victor’s suddenly so open face.

Shock.

Surprise.

Excitement.

Pure joy.

Something… something he couldn’t name.

A heartbeat later, Victor took his hand and pulled him against himself in a desperate hug. He clung to him as much as the Russian held on to him – potential on-lookers be damned. It took him a moment to realise that Victor was speaking – the same thing, over and over.

“Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes!” He heard whispered against his shoulder.

For one horrible second, he allowed himself to think about what would have happened… if he hadn’t asked. What if he’d let Victor walk in there? He shook off the thought.

“D-Don’t you want to know where to?”

“Doesn’t matter. Can we… can we go now? Right now?” Victor released him and he saw the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes.

There was only one answer.

“Of course. Let’s go.”


	51. Chapter 51

Going back to Victor’s flat to grab their things and Makka didn’t take as long as he’d expected. His suitcase was mostly packed – it hadn’t been full, so his new clothes fit, for the most part. What didn’t joined one of Victor’s.

He threw an assortment of his own clothes into his luggage and packed up a few other things as well – toiletries, two books, his laptop. Yuuri watched from the sideline, amused when Makka got her own case and he packed her outfits and food as well. In less time than he’d expected, they were sitting in a large cab to the airport.

Victor hadn’t asked him a single question about their destination. Yuuri wasn’t sure he’d have had an answer. His mother had invited them, yes, but was maybe America the better choice? He didn’t know.

In fact, he didn’t make his decision until they got to the airport and sat down at a café for some coffee. That was when he spotted what Victor had on his phone – a translation app. Japanese – English, English – Japanese. It was in the middle of downloading.

He smiled softly at the man who was obliviously petting Makka.

Hasetsu it was.

Organising them seats went smoothly – Victor’s fame eased the way considerably. He was able to bypass pretty much all the quarantine requirements for Makka just by beaming at the airport vet about what a good girl she was and making her dance on command.

Yuuri was just as much affected by the adorable display of course.

He didn’t manage to talk Victor out of the first-class seats, nor out of letting him pay – not that he could have. In no time at all, they were sitting in their first class mini lounge on the way to Tokyo. They had been lucky – a flight had been delayed, allowing them to get on it.

Yuuri saw the appeal of the first-class accommodation once Victor slid a little compartment closed and turned their two seats into what amounted to a little room. In other words: privacy. Yuuri found himself wrapped up in a crushing hug – it grounded him.

They managed to squeeze into one of the over-sized seats together, a blanket spread over them both as they got ready for what was a VERY long flight. Eleven hours in the air – then several more hours on the train.

But still… he was going home.

And he was bringing Victor Nikiforov with him.

Victor Nikiforov, who hadn’t hesitated for a second to abandon his responsibilities in order to follow him, Yuuri Katsuki, to an unknown place.

Hiding his smile in the crown of Victor’s hair, he allowed himself to fully revel in what he felt for the other man – just for a few moments.


	52. Chapter 52

The flight passed in no time at all.

With the do not disturb sign on and the blinds down, they slept through most of it. Yuuri had a fair idea of why Victor was sleeping so much – for himself, he wasn’t quite so sure. He wasn’t as emotionally exhausted – at least, he didn’t think he was.

Or maybe he just hadn’t noticed – either way, they slept through almost the entire trip.

Yuuri awoke well-rested but anxious just a few minutes before the fasten your seatbelt lights came on. Waking up Victor was difficult – for once, the older man seemed anything but willing to wake up. Eventually he managed to pry his eyes open long enough to understand that he was supposed to go back to his seat and did so. Yuuri stared out the window the entire descent, partly to see his home country again… and partly to hide his blush, because Victor never once stopped holding his hand.

It all passed in a blur. A passport check, picking up Makka and their luggage, buying them train tickets and finding an empty compartment in one of the train carriages. It was over a two-hour trip, Yuuri knew, but Victor seemed to be enjoying every minute.

He was eagerly snapping photos of everything, excitedly babbling away – Yuuri knew he’d been in Japan before, of course, but Victor was acting like he’d never seen a single thing when he’d been there before.

Knowing what he did about the other man… there was every chance he hadn’t. Victor slept a lot… and he skated. Outside of that… well, he had no trouble believing that it was his first time seeing anything at all in the country.

  
Smiling softly while pretending to check his messages, he watched as Victor convinced a flustered ticket inspector to take a selfie with him. He’d have to ask the other to not harass the onsen guests… or maybe not. The ticket inspector at least was blushing wildly behind her large-framed glasses as she posed for the picture.

Selfie taken, Victor went right back to babbling about what they saw out the window of the train.

The train ride passed in no time at all.

Which… actually presented a bit of a problem, because as he found himself standing at the exit of the Hasetsu train station, he realised he hadn’t told anyone they were coming.

That, however, took a backseat as soon as Victor spotted what Yuuri immediately dubbed ‘the wall of shame’ – an entire wall just PLASTERED in photos of him. It certainly hadn’t been that way last time.

To his growing horror, Victor took photos with EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. Even the ones so high up he had to jump to get himself in the frame together with them.

Leaning against a pillar a few steps away, he idly wondered if there was enough space in their luggage for him to crawl in there and hide, just until they got home.

Home.

He was… going home. Finally.

By the time Victor was finally happy with his collection of Yuuri-poster selfies, Yuuri had mostly lived it down.

So what if VICTOR NIKIFOROV was acting like a fanboy? So what if he didn’t even deserve the posters? So what if there were now dozens of photos of the four time world champ with HIS posters on the man’s phone?

So what if he was a little jealous of his posters?

“Victor… shall we go? It’s a bit of a walk.”

“Yes! But can’t we take a cab?”

“There… aren’t really any? It’s a small town. Sorry…”

“No, that’s fine. Lead the way. I’m excited to see where you grew up.”

Smiling softly, he grabbed as much of their luggage as he could and led Victor towards the bridge that made up the largest part of their walk.

Halfway across, Victor whistled.

“Wow! You were right… the air smells just like in St. Petersburg.”

He chuckled. “I know. It’s… I don’t know, I’m just glad I’m here again. I hope my family won’t be too disappointed in me.”

“Disappointed? In what? A world-class skater and graduate who’s coming home to prepare for a national competition?”

Yuuri opened his mouth to debate… well, all of it really, but looking at Victor’s determined expression, he decided not to bother. Instead, he smiled weakly.

His anxiety rose the closer they got to the sign that noted his family’s onsen – and so did his anticipation. When Victor linked their hands just a few steps away from the entrance… Yuuri was more grateful than he could express.

He settled for squeezing Victor’s fingers and taking a deep breath before sliding open the entrance door.

“Ma? Dad? I’m home!”


	53. Chapter 53

The inside was achingly familiar – pretty much nothing at all had changed since the last time he’d been there. He hadn’t really expected anyone to hear him, had said the greeting purely out of habit… but his mother was standing just a few feet from the entrance.

She dropped the thankfully empty tray she’d been holding with a gasp, and a moment later, he found himself wrapped in a warm hug, fighting tears as he held on to his mother.

“Hiroko? Did you drop something? Is everyth-” He could hear his father mumble from behind the separating door – then he too was racing over and hugging him.

“Hi Dad! I’m home…”

“OH Yuu-chan! We missed you! It’s so good that you came!” His mother whispered, tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. When they finally released him, he remembered that he’d temporarily forgotten something important – Victor.

Switching to English, he cleared his throat.

“Ma? Dad? This… this is Victor Nikiforov and Makkachin. They… is it okay if they stay with us for a while?”

His mother gave him a knowing smile before turning to Victor.

“Vicchan is it? Come in! You’re welcome to stay for as long as you need to.”

The Russian seemed relieved – then, to Yuuri’s amazement, he bowed lightly and stuttered his way through a ‘nice to meet you’ in Japanese.

His parents, naturally, were delighted.

He couldn’t even keep up as his father immediately dragged Victor off to show him the onsen, leaving him, his mother and their luggage by the door.

He stared after them when a quiet chuckle drew his attention back to his mother.

“Didn’t I tell you he’d come with you if you asked?”

Blushing slightly, he shrugged. “How did you know?”

“Oh Yuuri… you’ve admired him since you were a kid. You changed your plans to go to Russia with him… you wouldn’t do that for just anyone.”

“Well… but how did you know he’d… feel the same way?”

His mother gave him a long-suffering look that he simply didn’t understand.

“Come and help me make some katsudon, will you? You and Victor must be hungry.”

Obediently following his mother to the kitchen, he helped her prep the ingredients the way he’d been doing since he had been a child. It wasn’t until he was breading the pork cutlets that the tears came.

Wiping his hands, he took a step back – right into the arms of his mother.

“M-Ma? I-I’m sorry that I blew it.” He sobbed into her hug. Lightly patting his back, she held him.

“Don’t be silly. You did fine. You know we’re proud of you. We always will be… and besides, it was just one competition. There will be others. Everyone has a bad day.”

He hadn’t expected her words to make such a difference, but they really did. Wiping off his tears, he just managed a shaky smile when Victor popped his head into the kitchen to ask if he could help them. He could see that his mother was about to accept his help… but Yuuri had seen his cooking.


	54. Chapter 54

“N-No thanks, Victor, we’re almost ready!” He lied through his teeth, lightly elbowing his mother.

“Oh don’t be silly, there is still stuff to do! Come on in Vicchan, wash your hands, I’ll show you how to make katsudon. It’s Yuuri’s favourite!”

Yuuri was fully prepared for things to go wrong as soon as Victor picked up a knife, but under his mother’s careful instructions, Victor was… doing fine.

Clearly his mother was a miracle worker.

He was still smiling to himself, quietly breading the rest of the pork when another familiar face poked her way into the kitchen – Mari.

He hadn’t expected his sister to be home – she usually wasn’t that time of day.

“Yuuri? Dad told me you’re back…” She started before spotting Victor who politely waved at her.

Snickering when she did a double-take at their guest, he waved at her as well.

  
“Hi Mari. This is Victor. He’s… he’ll be staying with us for a bit.” Praying he wasn’t blushing under his sister’s knowing gaze, he watched them greet each other. Mari’s English was better than his parents – not that Victor had seemed to mind.

“Well, looks like you lucked out, little squirt. Should I go and remove the you-know-whats from you-know-where?”

He blanked completely for a moment, before he figured out what she meant and utter panic engulfed him.

The posters. He’d forgotten about the posters.

Oh god.

“Y-Yes please! Thank you!” He stuttered, now definitely bright red.

With a snicker, Mari ducked back out of the kitchen, hopefully on her way to rid her room of any and all Victor-merch.


	55. Chapter 55

Victor LOVED katsudon, it turned out. He tried not to be jealous that the other man hadn’t reacted the same way to his own cooking, but truthfully, he couldn’t blame him – not when he himself was practically shovelling the food into his mouth.

The meal over and done with, his mother led him to what had been a previously unused banquet hall – previously. Clearly, his mother had had some idea he was coming, because a bed, wardrobe and small desk had appeared in the perfectly clean space… and he doubted they had set it all up while they had cooked and eaten.

Struck once again by how lucky he was to have his family, he sat on the edge of the bed.

“Yuuri? Are you okay?” Victor asked, his hand lightly trailing up Yuuri’s arm. He looked up at the Russian, suddenly quite emotionally exhausted.

“I… yes, I’m fine. It’s just been a long day.”

Victor nodded. “Are you happy to be back home?”

“I am. Are you… do you like it?”

With a chuckle, Victor sat next to him, and, after a moment, leaned into him.

“Very. Your parents are… so bright. And they didn’t seem to mind me being here.”

“N-No. They’re amazing. I guess I didn’t give them enough credit when I doubted that they would be happy to see me.”

“Clearly.” Victor agreed, petting Makka with he arm not currently wrapped around Yuuri’s waist.

He sighed contentedly.

“So… do you want to see my room?” He half-jokingly asked the Russian after a few minutes of silence.

Victor’s smile lit up the whole room.

“Of course!”

Getting up, he led Victor up the stairs to said room – after peeking inside cautiously, he was glad to discover that his myriad of posters was, in fact, gone. Mentally thanking his sister, he invited Victor in too – the man quickly glanced around before kneeling next to the bed and lifting the bedding up.

He huffed in disappointment a moment later.

  
“Uh… Victor? What are you doing?”

“Oh, I was looking for the magazines. Remember? You said you kept them…” His next spot to search was the bottom drawers of Yuuri’s cupboard.

“Victor! I don’t have those anymore!”

The man seemed quite disappointed as he gave up his search and simply sat on the bed, leaning against the wall.

It was… well, teenage him would have probably had a nosebleed, all things considered.

His adult self was only barely faring better. He had fantasized about Victor in that room… well, a lot. Not that he’d say so.

He was torn from his thoughts when Victor looked at him with an oddly serious expression and patted the bed next to him.

He sat, of course.

“Is it… really okay for me to stay here?” Victor asked, after a few moments of silence.

“Of course. You’re welcome here. And for what it’s worth… well, with my family, you don’t have to… hide, either.”

“Hide?” Victor’s confusion was written all over his face.

“That… you’re gay. They would never tell anyone, and I know they don’t mind.”

Victor cleared his throat.

“That’s… that’s great but, I, uh…”

Yuuri patiently waited for him to finish his sentence.

“I don’t really know… how? I’ve been… pretending for so long. I don’t know… what should I change, Yuuri?”

His heart clenched at how lost Victor looked. Gently taking his hand, he tried to phrase his thoughts as well as he could.

“Victor… just be yourself. You don’t have to change here or hide. Just do what feels natural. Nobody here will judge you. I promise. So you just be yourself.”

Victor squeezed his hand.

“What it… what if I don’t… know? Myself, I mean.”

“Then I’ll help you find yourself, okay. Whatever it is, I know you can… get through it.”

Victor shuffled until he was stretched out on the small bed.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because… because you’ve already gotten a little better at not hiding, isn’t that right?”

“Huh?”

“Well.. when we met, when I… on the rooftop? You were so closed off and secretive. And since then… well, you’ve opened up. You’ve made decisions about what you want for yourself.”

“But Yuuri that’s just… you. That was all you.”

Huffing, he shook his head at the man’s assertion. “Nonsense, Victor. That was YOU. Don’t even try to argue with me. Trust me, I have YEARS of experience in arguing about how amazing Victor Nikiforov is.”

After a long pause, he turned to find Victor looking at him with quite a smug expression.

“Is that why there were a dozen posters of me in this room earlier?”


	56. Chapter 56

He shot off his bed with a screech, face ruby-red as he stumbled back. Victor knew? How could… how could he know? He was about to stumble out that exact question when Victor took mercy on him.

“Your dad showed me your room when he showed me around earlier. He was actually very excited to show just how much you idolised me when you were younger.”

“Excuse me while I hide in a hole…” He mumbled and headed for the door to run away to… well, anywhere else.

He didn’t get far.

“Oh Yuuri! Don’t be silly!” Victor laughed as he embraced him from behind and held him in place. “I don’t mind, I promise. I don’t… you didn’t save me because you knew who I was, right?”

He shook his head. “No. I told you, I didn’t know until… after.”

“So, it’s okay. You didn’t… you saved me because you wanted to save ME, not because of some idol fantasy you had.”

Victor released him, his back immediately feeling cold due to the lack of contact with the other.

“N-No, of course I didn’t.”

“Well, even if you had, you’d be thoroughly disenchanted with me by now, I’m sure.” Victor chirped, his happy tone masking the frankly awful thing he’d just said for a moment.

Just like Victor had stopped him a moment ago, now it was Yuuri stopping Victor from leaving the room by pulling him back by the wrist. Unfortunately, he was far less graceful and so ended up slamming Victor back-first into the wall, only barely catching himself on the wall so he didn’t crash into the other.

Victor stared at him with huge eyes.

Deciding to use the opportunity, such as it was, he grasped Victor’s wrist more firmly with his hand. “Victor… don’t say that. You could never disappoint me, okay? It’s not about you being a skater, it’s about you… as a person.”

It took him a remarkably long time to work out why Victor was blushing more and more with every second that passed between them. When he did, he reconsidered their position – he was pressing Victor against the wall, trapped by Yuuri’s arm and desk, and he was definitely leaning too close.

That was… blushing himself, he immediately backed up and turned away to clear his thoughts.

Behind him, Victor seemed to do the same.

Desperate for a new topic, he said the first thing that came to mind.

“Victor, do you want to take a bath together?”


	57. Chapter 57

His answer was a choked off wheeze, followed by Victor clearing his throat and mumbling something like a curse in Russian. Eventually, he gave a small ‘Yes’. Yuuri decided to take it and run with it, and immediately headed to the bathing area.

His hopes that his face would return to its normal colour by the time they got there were dashed the second he caught sight of himself in a mirror.

Still, it was too late to back out now, so he led Victor into the changing room and handed him some robes and towels.

The other man had been rather unusually silent, not having said a word since Yuuri’s outburst earlier.

“Do you… have you ever been to an onsen?” He asked, hoping the answer would be a yes. He wasn’t so lucky.

Still, he was familiar with this – he’d explained the rules to foreign guests a lot when he had been younger. He went through it all absent-mindedly, glad that he didn’t have to… well, think too much. He really wasn’t doing too good on that front at the moment.

When he ran out of explanations, he motioned for Victor to take his clothes off, choosing to take his own off on the other side of the row of shelves that obscured their more shy guests from view. He was used to seeing other men bathe, didn’t mind being seen either… but this was Victor.

Normal rules didn’t apply to him, and he was absolutely not going to embarrass himself by, well, reacting to the other man’s presence while naked save for a towel. That just wasn’t an option.

No matter how beautiful the other man’s body was – not that this was a surprise, he’d seen him before… but he’d never really allowed himself to… look.

Not that he did this time – it just so happened that he was done sooner than Victor and peeked around the corner to check if the other man was ready.

Really, that was all it was. When he was, towel wrapped around his hips, Yuuri stepped around the divider and motioned for him to follow.

Victor did so, just a step behind Yuuri. He showed him how to use the buckets and soaps in the shower area and sat on the stool next to him, just slightly at an angle so he could see if Victor needed help.

At the very least he didn’t have to worry about getting an erection – not only where they not alone, but his anxiety was running in overdrive. That, at least, alleviated one of his problems.

Dumping a bucket of water over his head, he quickly scrubbed himself down with practiced motions. When he glanced over again, a dripping wet Victor was holding out a sponge.

“Would you… wash my back for me?” He requested, his voice a little rough.

Yuuri gulped. It wasn’t too unusual – friends often helped each other out that way. Right…?

He grabbed the sponge. “Turn around.”

Pleased when Victor did so readily, he focused on quickly and efficiently washing the broad back – and on NOT watching his muscles ripple as he relaxed under his hands.

Naturally, he was quite disappointed when he was done.

“Thanks! Shall I do yours too?” Victor offered, beaming at Yuuri a moment later.

Oh god.

Well, it would have taken a stronger man than him to turn him down. So, instead he faced away, praying that he wouldn’t make a fool of himself in front of Victor. To his surprise, the man’s movements weren’t as confident as his offer had been.

He barely exerted any pressure, and his movements were slow and precise.

Shy, even, if Yuuri had to say. It was… reassuring, in a strange way. Then he realised why – Victor… didn’t touch. Had probably never touched a naked man at all. His heart clenched painfully and he twisted around to look back.

Victor wasn’t looking at him directly. He decided against saying anything to the man, out of fear he’d embarrass him. Instead, he put up with the gentle torture that was Victor rubbing his back, all the while wondering how he’d ended up there anyway.


	58. Chapter 58

Sinking into the hot water half a foot from Victor was… surreal. He’d led them to a spot that was a little less popular with guests and therefore mostly empty – he figured Victor might be more comfortable there.

The other man seemed alright – Yuuri suspected he was more affected than the other man. The Russian certainly looked… unphased.

He gulped.

“How do you like the water?” He eventually asked, breaking the silence.

“It’s great. My muscles were still tense from… when I fell.”

“Are you in any pain?” His nervousness immediately took a backseat to his concern for Victor’s well-being.

“No, not really. I’ve been skating for a long time, you know. It’s just some slight bruises.”

“That’s… good. I was really worried the second time you fell.”

Victor cleared his throat – he didn’t seem to enjoy the subject much.

“Yes well… can we talk about something else?”

“Of course.”

Victor’s expression changed to a slow grin.

“So how many boys have you brought home to your parents then?”

Yuuri squeaked in shock.

“N-None! All of my… relationships were in university, so I never… they didn’t meet anyone.”

Victor whistled. “Really? So you’ve never… here?”

He blinked twice trying to figure out what Victor meant. When he did, he rather wished he hadn’t.

“N-No! Uh… why?”

“Mh, sorry, was that too personal?”

“Just a little. Why are you so… curious, anyway?”

Victor shrugged. “I want to… know you. About you. Everything.”

“So you ask about… sex?”

Victor flushed slightly more than the hot water warranted.

“It’s just… I’m curious. You… Chris is always very open about his private life.”

Too open, Yuuri mentally added. He knew the other skater just enough to steer clear, for the most part. Chris was nice, but… no, he wouldn’t go there, not ever.

“Chris doesn’t know either?”

  
“Of course not. In fact hearing about him always made me… slightly queasy? It’s different with you.”

“Oh.” He mumbled, unsure what to say that.

“I don’t know why. I’m sorry, Yuuri.”

Victor looked at him with such open trust – Yuuri couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if he… if he let Victor closer. If he stopped holding himself back as much as he was. Didn’t Victor deserve that? After all, he was always open with Yuuri, wasn’t he?

He gulped.

“It’s okay. I don’t… mind? I like that you’re not… that you’re curious about me.”

“So… I can ask?”

He sighed softly.

“Anything you want, Victor.”


	59. Chapter 59

But Victor didn’t ask – not until later, when Yuuri accompanied him back to his room, and turned to go to his own. Victor stopped him. He’d never even considered sleeping anywhere other than his own bed – but Victor… he didn’t want to leave him alone. Not when it was so… easy to stay.

He stretched out next to Victor, smiling weakly at their matching outfits – they were both wearing borrowed robes from the onsen. Victor’s olive with brown trim, his own dark red with lighter red edging.

They laid just far enough apart that they weren’t touching, but Yuuri could feel Victor’s breath on his skin.

“So… about before…” Victor began, his voice quiet.

“Mh?”

“I can ask you?”

His breath hitching a little, Yuuri nodded. “Sure. Ask me anything you’d like.”

Victor reached out, a little awkwardly and tugged on Yuuri’s belt, just enough to make him shift closer.

“How does it… work? Between men?”

Yuuri was floored momentarily. Did Victor not know? How could he not know? How could any gay man… He frowned. In Russia. Victor had been in Russia, had never… it made sense, actually.

“Well… there are several ways, really. Some things are the same as with hetero couples. There are… handjobs. Blowjobs. That sort of thing.”

“Oh.” Victor was so quiet he was pretty much just whispering. “I didn’t know that gay men… did that too. Have you?”

Blushing even harder, Yuuri nodded.

“There are other things as well. You can… with some lube, one partner can slide their dick between the other person’s thighs. And then there is… well, anal.”

He watched as, up close, Victor’s nose crinkled in apparent distaste.

“Do people really enjoy that?”

“Well, some do. Others, not so much. It depends on the person.”

“R-Right.” Victor’s voice had changed again. It was a little breathless now, his tone shaky. “A-And you?”

“I… well, I’ve done it. It’s… not my favourite thing but it can be fun. With… the right partner.” He offered, pleased when his voice actually lasted him through the sentence. It was true – he didn’t really care for it much, but he also wasn’t about to tell Victor… well, his first boyfriend hadn’t been all that gentle.

He tried to chase away the unpleasant memory by focusing on something else – thankfully it was easy enough to find something to do the trick. Victor looked… flustered. Beautiful of course, but his eyes were wide open, pupils blown wide.

Was he thinking about…

Yuuri’s eyes reflexively snapped down, he couldn’t help himself.

A moment later they snapped back up, just in time to see Victor’s snap shut in… embarrassment?

“S-Sorry Yuuri…” The other man whispered, a hand reaching up to hide his face from view.

He gulped – what was he supposed to say? What could he say… to reassure the other?

“It’s okay. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” Yuuri put on his best reassuring smile, hoping that Victor wouldn’t… that they wouldn’t lose their easy closeness over something like this. Besides… it wasn’t like Victor being hard was… outrageous, exactly, They had been discussing sex.

After a long moment of silence, Victor moved his hand and peeked out at Yuuri again, his cheeks still flushed.

He had no right to look that attractive, Yuuri thought. Had it not been for his own nerves and anxiety, he would have probably had the same issue Victor did. As it was, it wouldn’t take much, he was sure. Gulping, he took a deep breath.

“Do you want me to leave? Give you some space? I can just go sleep in my room if you want to… uh, deal with that?” He asked, only to mentally kick himself – had he really just ASKED Victor if he wanted to get himself off?

Who did that?

Him apparently.


	60. Chapter 60

“W-What do you mean, deal with that? And… and please don’t… go?”

Yuuri’s breath whooshed out of his lungs quite suddenly. Not knowing about gay sex was one thing but surely… surely any man…?

“Well, I mean, do you want me to go so that you can do what you… usually do, when that happens?” He asked, too embarrassed to even use the words.

“D-Do… I don’t understand. It… doesn’t, usually? Not in a long time, anyway.”

He… hadn’t expected that. After a moment, he shook off his surprise – given Victor’s depression, was that really such a surprise?

He looked at the other man.

No… it wasn’t.

Yuuri sighed.

“You… know what to do, right?”

“I used to… when I was younger? Sometimes?”

“Okay. Then… just… I’ll just go, okay?” He scrambled off the bed, eager to run to his room and never come back out, probably.

He didn’t get very far.

A hand grabbed his wrist – gently, ever so gently. He could have shaken it off easily, could have probably just walked away and Victor wouldn’t have stopped him.

He froze in his tracks as if Victor had put a shackle on him.

Heart racing, he turned back. Victor was… Victor looked like he’d fallen straight out of one of Yuuri’s wet dreams. His robe had slid open a little and he was sitting up, holding on to him, pupils still blown, his breath coming in short puffs.

Yuuri could see that his flush extended past his collarbones, even in the relative darkness of the room.

“Yuuri… I…”

“W-What?”

“C-Could you do me a favour?” Victor asked, his grip on Yuuri’s wrist tightening.

Fantasy going haywire, his mind bombarded him with dozens of ‘favours’ Victor might ask for, each filthier than the last, each more appealing. He cleared his throat.

“Favour…”

“I… I’ve never been kissed. Would you… kiss me? Just this once?”

His brain froze completely.

He hadn’t expected that – hadn’t expected something so… innocent. He’d been all but prepared to turn down a request for whatever type of sex Victor was thinking of, but he’d had no defence for that, hadn’t seen it coming.

When he didn’t respond, Victor’s fingers slipped off his wrist and he pulled back in obvious embarrassment.

That… wouldn’t do.

“Victor…Look at me.” He all but ordered, pleased when those blue eyes snapped back to meet his own.

Victor wanted to be kissed. Yuuri knew he had to say no. For all that he WANTED to, of course, he knew that he couldn’t just… go back to before. Those touches, those hugs, they would inevitably… then again, he thought, as he reached out and touched Victor’s cheek, was his heart not already involved?

He was pretty much guaranteed to have it broken sometime soon, however unintentionally.

Victor leaned into his touch, his cheek warm as his hair fluttered along Yuuri’s wrist.

If… if he was going to get hurt anyway, would this really make it worse?

Yuuri sank onto his knees on the mattress next to Victor, bringing them to almost eye-level. He was leaning over the other just a little. A breathless laugh escaped the Russian and Yuuri knew he was done for.

He tilted his head sideways to lean in, his heart racing. Victor did the same.

Yuuri corrected their angle at the last moment, wanting to get it just right.

Their lips met and for the first time in his life, Yuuri understood what people meant when they said they felt butterflies in their stomach.

He pressed their lips together for a few seconds, but when Victor made no move to pull back, he did. Just enough to separate them, but close enough to feel Victor’s breaths on his lip. The man parted his lips, a moment later, probably to say something, but Yuuri had a better idea.

Victor wanted a kiss… and a kiss he would get.

Determination fighting his fear of rejection, he wrapped his hand around Victor’s nape and pulled him forwards again, their open mouths meeting again, just a little firmer this time. Victor moved with him, giving the smallest whimper when this time, Yuuri moved his lips against Victor’s.

A few moments later, the other man did the same, hesitantly at first, then copying him more confidently. Yuuri couldn’t resist the urge to poke his tongue out, just a little, to see what sort of reaction he’d get.

He hadn’t expected the small moan that escaped the Russian, not the shiver that ran down his back. A moment later, Victor’s tongue met his, just as both the Russian’s hands wound into his hair. He leaned closer, using his own hand in Victor’s hair to keep their lips together while they moved against each other, not the least bit slow and measured, the way it had started out.

He hadn’t expected the pure fire he felt, how powerful when the Russian was so obviously enjoying it as much as he was.

It was only when Victor moaned again, louder this time, that Yuuri… came to his senses again.

He couldn’t, wasn’t supposed to do this. It wasn’t fair – not to Victor, and not to his own poor heart.

So, he did one of the hardest things he’d ever done in his life – he broke the kiss, and stepped back, putting a few feet between himself and Victor.


	61. Chapter 61

Any less and he wouldn’t have had the self-control to really stop.

He very nearly didn’t anyway.

Victor looked… wrecked. Hair mussed, lips swollen, his robe slipped down one shoulder. The way he was looking at Yuuri… he looked hungry. Starving, in fact, and he was looking at Yuuri as if he was a juicy steak.

It was incredibly flattering, at least until he reminded himself that it was just hormones, repressed feelings surfacing for the first time ever. It wasn’t personal.

Not for Victor.

He took another step back.

“I… I should go now. Goodnight, Victor.”

“Y-Yuuri?”

He forced himself to go, ignoring the lost tone in Victor’s voice. It wasn’t… if he stayed, he wouldn’t find the courage to go again.

So, he didn’t go, he ran. Straight to his room, slamming the door shut and diving under his duvet.

He didn’t even TRY to stop the panic attack that he’d felt coming since he’d heard Victor call out to him in that forlorn voice.

It wouldn’t have helped, anyway.

He had no idea how long it took him until he managed to calm down, until it felt like the vice around his chest eased and he could breathe again.

He gently checked – his nails had left angry red half-moon marks on his palms, and two of them were bleeding, just a little. Wiping the tears he hadn’t even felt himself cry from his cheeks, he cautiously got up to stretch – his episodes, when they were that severe were… exhausting.

Remembering the tools his therapist had taught him, he cautiously stretched his tense muscles and did his best to keep his mind clear. Shaking out his bedding quickly, he changed into an old set of pajamas he kept in his cupboard.

That done, he quickly tiptoed to the kitchen for a midnight drink before heading right back to his room – he hadn’t much hope that he’d be able to sleep, but he had to try.

It… didn’t go well.

By the time the sun rose and the normal noises of the house sounded around him, he hadn’t slept a wink. He’d spent the entire night staring out of his window, desperately trying, and failing NOT to think about what… had happened.

When near seven in the morning, someone knocked on his door, he didn’t have to open to know who it was. Nobody in his family would wake him so early – well, had he been sleeping, anyway.

He ignored Victor quietly calling his name through the door, childishly covering his ears with his hands, hoping not to hear the faint sound. If he didn’t hear it, then he wouldn’t have to think about how… forlorn it sounded.

No, not at all.

A few hours later, he received a text – from Mari.

Just ‘??’ she’d texted him – no doubt, worried. He texted back some nonsense about feeling under the weather and could she leave him some food in the hallway.

A thumbs up emoji was her only answer – well, it was good enough. Indeed, after a single knock on the door, a tray had appeared there – a bowl of soup and some lightly fried fish. He loved his mother’s cooking, but this time he wolfed it down quickly, setting the tray back out.

He just… needed time.

A lot of it.

Victor stopped by several more times. The hairs on his arm stood on end every time the subdued voice called for him. The Russian came to invite him to have lunch together, then dinner. Then a bath, and finally he asked if he wanted to walk Makka with him.

Yuuri ignored all of it, the panic too recent and too real for him to come out of his room just yet.

Of course, he knew he’d HAVE to, eventually, but… but…

He wasn’t ready.

Unfortunately – or maybe fortunately – Victor didn’t care if he was ready or not. Sometime near midnight, his door simply unceremoniously slammed open, and Victor stepped inside.


	62. Chapter 62

He sat up from his bed in shock, not at all prepared for the determination in Victor’s face – or his presence at all.

“Yuuri. We need to talk.” The Russian began, shattering his hopes that maybe, he would leave and Yuuri could keep hiding.

“P-Please, have a seat.” Yuuri said, struggling for a way to… delay the inevitable. Not that he knew what that was, all in all.

Victor sat on the edge of his bed, a fair bit of distance between them, his arms crossed defensively.

They stared at each other for maybe a minute, neither moving even a muscle when Victor’s mask fell – the man almost visibly deflated, his arms falling to his sides and his face twisting up in an expression of… pain, Yuuri realised.

Before he could say anything, Victor had shifted forwards and let himself fall, his head landing squarely in Yuuri’s lap. He hadn’t been prepared for the way Victor pressed his face against his stomach, nor for the way the taller man curled around him silently.

Frozen, because he didn’t know what was happening, he simply… waited.

When Victor started to tremble, he realised that it was up to him to… well, to do something.

Victor had made his move, it was his turn.

His hand settled tentatively on Victor’s shoulder. The man gave a full-body flinch, only to curl around him even more. Moments later, he could hear faint whispering – in Russian, not in English. Victor knew he couldn’t understand – whatever the man was saying… it didn’t seem to be aimed at him, particularly.

After a few more moments, he gently moved his hand from Victor’s shoulder down his arm, hoping the other man would… look at him. Speak. Something.

He got both.

Victor looked up at him with tear-stained cheeks and switched to English.

“Please don’t make me leave.” Were the first words out of his mouth, and they chilled Yuuri down to his soul. How could the other man even think… but then, he realised abruptly, it had to have taken a lot of courage for Victor to come to him… to approach him like he had.

Yuuri was an absolute idiot.

“I-I would never.” He choked out quietly, tears stinging in his eyes as well. He refused to let them fall. They needed to talk.

“I’m sorry, Yuuri.”

“Y-YOU’re sorry?” He asked, hardly able to believe what he was hearing.

“Yes. I didn’t mean to… drive you away. I didn’t expect… I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”

Fingers absentmindedly trailing up and down Victor’s arm, he shook his head.

“No… I… you don’t need to apologise. I’m the one who ran away and hid.”

Victor gulped.

“But I’m the one… who… Yuuri, when I asked you for that kiss, I didn’t expect… I thought it would just be a quick kiss. The way… the way you did before? On my head? I wouldn’t have asked for more.”

Yuuri tilted his head back, mentally kicking himself. What had he been thinking?

“P-Please don’t think that I didn’t like it. Obviously, I did. I just… I didn’t know what to do. Yuuri, I don’t have any experience with any of this.”

That was… painfully obvious. Unfortunately, Yuuri was out of his depth too.

“I’m sorry I did more than you wanted.” He eventually bit out, trying to keep his voice from revealing how angry he was at himself – he didn’t want Victor to think that he was mad at him.

Said man shuddered.

“No, no, you really didn’t. I didn’t know that kisses… could be like that. In movies, whenever couples kiss… it always looks quite gross? But with you, it… wasn’t. I’m sorry if I did something wrong and made you run away.”


	63. Chapter 63

“I’m sorry, WHAT?” He hissed, his train of thought interrupted by what he’d just heard.

Victor thought… he’d done something wrong?

“I don’t know exactly what it is that I did to chase you away, but I’m sorry. If you… if you’re willing to give me another chance, I promise I’ll do better. I know it couldn’t have been very good, but…”

Victor clumsily sat up on his knees, his worries clearly visible on his face.

“W-Whatever it is, I can get better, I promise.”

“You… you think I left because you did something wrong?”

Victor tilted his head. “Didn’t you? I mean, I don’t… why else would you have left? I’ve been trying to apologise to you all day, but I guess I just lost my patience. I figured if you were mad, you’d at least tell me why.”

“Victor… I’m not… mad. And you didn’t do anything wrong. I promise. It was me.”

“W-What do you mean?”

“I ran away, because…” He broke off, suddenly not knowing why either. It had seemed so clear before, but now…

“I didn’t… You’re sure it wasn’t my behaviour?” Victor repeated and Yuuri automatically shook his head.

He watched as Victor took a deep breath.

“Then… then as long as… you don’t hate me, as long as you’re not mad, I don’t care why you left.”

Yuuri threw himself into Victor’s arms before he had even finished speaking.

They landed rather harshly on the small bed, Yuuri’s elbow colliding with the wall, his knee with Victor’s thigh, but it didn’t matter – his arms wrapped around Victor’s waist and for the first time in a whole day, he felt like he could breathe again.

Victor held onto him as desperately as he to him.

When he felt like he could speak again, he carefully pulled back and looked up at Victor. The older skater was looking down at him with an unreadable expression.

“It was… my anxiety, I think. I was overwhelmed. I didn’t expect… any of it.” He eventually offered. Victor nodded.

“I understand. Yuuri, you have no idea how worried I was that you’d… that I’d driven you away.”

“No, I promise. You didn’t. If… if you want, we can forget all about it and just… move on.”

Going by his expression, that… wasn’t what Victor wanted. At all. Which begged the question… what other options did they have?

“Yuuuuri… do you really think I want to forget my first kiss?”

He blushed.

“Well, I mean…” Suddenly flustered again, he shuffled higher on the bed so they were laying side by side, rather than Victor being above him. It was starting to hurt his neck to have to look up.

Victor cleared his throat.

“If you don’t want to… forget about it, then what do you want?” Yuuri asked, hoping the other man would have an answer when he didn’t.

Victor gave him an incredulous look.

“I thought I made that clear when I asked you to kiss me.”

Yuuri gulped.

“That’s…”

“Yuuri… I’m not stupid.”

He blinked in confusion at the sudden change in topic – of course Victor wasn’t stupid.

“I know?”

The Russian huffed.

“Right. Then don’t treat me like I am. I KNOW that you have feelings for me.”

If they hadn’t already been in his room, Yuuri would have bolted again.


	64. Chapter 64

Victor huffed when Yuuri didn’t reply. He didn’t know what to say though – Victor was RIGHT of course, but… but where was this going? Clearly, the other man didn’t want to… leave, if a few minutes ago was anything to go by. So… what?

“You may have started out saving me just because you thought you had to, but I KNOW that you like me. You wouldn’t have… I’m sure of it.”

Yuuri felt even more dumbfounded than he had been a moment ago. Sure, he liked Victor? But the feelings he’d been concerned with were a lot… deeper. Still, he was determined to hear Victor out.

“So, I know that whatever it is that made you run away, it wasn’t because you… hate me.”

“I could NEVER hate you!” He practically yelled at the other, scandalised at the very suggestion. A small, fond smile played around Victor’s mouth, one that eased Yuuri’s anxiety more than he’d thought possible.

“That’s… good. It’s a start.” Victor assured him, only adding to his confusion.

“A start to… what?”

Victor studied him for a moment.

Yuuri felt floored – it seemed that Victor had been wrong. He didn’t know how Yuuri felt. He wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or hurt – while he’d been terrified of what Victor might say, part of him had also been leaping for a chance to just… tell the other man.

“A start for what…” He asked again, instinctively leaning closer to Victor. The other man mirrored his move and their legs brushed together.

“I want… Yuuri, I don’t want this to just be you hanging around with me until I get back on my feet again.”

“Okay?”

“I want… I want you to always be around. I’ve never felt so… not-alone as I have with you Yuuri. And like I said… I know you like me. I know I’m not just… a burden.”

He gulped at the sudden vulnerability, his concerns about his own feelings forgotten for a moment. Victor thought he was…?

“You’ve never been a burden.” He insisted, running a soothing hand down Victor’s arm.

“Haven’t I? I overthrew your plans, dragged you to Russia, interrupted your training schedule and so on.”

“Not. A. Burden.” He insisted, squinting at the Russian. “Besides, what about me? I interrupted your schedule far more, I made Yakov mad, I practically kidnapped you so close to a competition…”

Victor waved him off.

“You didn’t do anything I didn’t want. So, have you thought about it?”

“About…?”

The Russian sighed. “About what I said. About… staying in my life? Will you?”

Part of him felt almost cheated of his chance to finally have his real feelings out in the open. The rest of him was relieved – Victor had enough on his plate as it was… right?

“Just try to get rid of me.” He instead offered, pleased when it earned him one of those heart-shaped smiles he loved so much.

When a moment later he found himself pulled against a solid chest, he eagerly relaxed into the hold. He’d MISSED Victor.

“So, then… we’ve established you like me. What… what do you want me to be to you?”

“Huh?” Evidently, he wasn’t quite out of the woods with this conversation yet.

“I mean… what do you want from me? We’re close, obviously, but do you want me to be-”

His hand quickly covered Victor’s mouth mid-sentence. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to hear the other man’s suggestion of what they could be to each other. His mind provided him with enough material in that regard.

“Victor… I just want you to be yourself. That’s all I want. Everything else… will fall into place.”

He felt more than he heard Victor’s soft ‘oh’ against his palm.


	65. Chapter 65

They stayed wrapped in each other for quite a while. It gave Yuuri time to think – real thinking, not the anxiety-fuelled mess his mind had put him through the last day.

He’d been _positive_ that Victor hadn’t meant ‘like’ when he’d said he knew Yuuri had feelings for him. Sure, it could have just been his nerves, but… he didn’t think so.

Glancing up, he studied what he could of Victor’s face. The other man was staring above his head. His expression was… he thought of it as something like annoyance. With him? Or… himself?

Yuuri had clearly… missed something. Something…

He took a deep breath.

“Victor?”

“Hm? What is it, жизнь моя?” The Russian asked, his voice soft.

“I wanted to ask? About something you said before?”

  
“Anything.”

“You… you said, when you thought that I ran because you did something wrong?”

Pink covered Victor’s cheeks but he nodded for Yuuri to go on. He was already starting to regret opening his mouth.

“Well, it’s just… you said you wanted to try again?”

Victor’s breath whooshed out of him in a shocked gasp. A moment later, Yuuri realised how his words must have sounded.

Like a request for action rather than an explanation.

Still, Victor didn’t seem upset – more contemplative.

“I… I liked kissing you. Obviously. You’re very good at it. And… I felt? I don’t know, alive? When you were kissing me? It was almost too much. So yes, I was going to ask… if you’d be willing to do it again.”

Somehow, the man he’d idolised since he was a kid managed to make it sound like Yuuri would be doing HIM a favour.

Absolutely ridiculous.

Like before, he was well aware that he should have refused outright. It had ended badly last time, and that was BEFORE he stopped denying his feelings, at least in the privacy of his mind.

He knew he couldn’t just keep kissing Victor and feel nothing. It wasn’t in his nature, and with him it was just impossible.

His sense of self-protection warred with his desire to help the man.

He’d never heard Victor saying he felt alive before, but he did recall their conversations in the hotel. He’d asked Victor to search out things that felt, to get away from that numbness.

He gulped.

“You felt… alive?” He repeated, hoping both that Victor would confirm it, and that he’d laugh it off as a joke.

“Yes. I don’t… nothing else would have to change. I don’t expect anything else of you, I promise. I just… really want to feel that again?”

Victor’s eyes fluttered shut, and for just a moment, Yuuri wondered if Victor was manipulating him. He had to know that Yuuri couldn’t well turn him down when he put it like that, right? So was he using his mental illness to take advantage of his kindness?

He thought about it for a few moments, staring into the face of the man he was holding.

With a sigh, he shook his head.


	66. Chapter 66

Whether Victor was manipulating him or not, it didn’t matter. He’d agree either way. There was no winning for him here, Victor had seen to that. Maybe not intentionally, but, nevertheless. So, he’d give the other man what he wanted.

At the very least he had the comfort of knowing that Victor wasn’t just using him to throw him away later. The man had said he wanted him to stick around. That, at least, was something Yuuri’s heart completely approved of.

As for the rest… well, it wasn’t like kissing him would be a hardship, exactly.

His fingers trailed up, brushing along Victor’s jawline.

Victor wanted to be kissed, but he wanted nothing else from Yuuri? He grinned weakly. Well, what else could the man want anyway? He already had everything, whether he knew it or not.

Shaking off his doubts, he stretched a little, just enough to close the gap between them.

Pressing their lips together again felt like coming home.

He kept his lips closed, focused on the feeling of Victor’s lips pressing back, of the soft sigh the other man gave before fingers gently carded through his hair.

Victor didn’t expect anything else from him? What was that beautiful, infuriating man even talking about? What else was there?

He broke the kiss a few moments later, pulling back enough to be able to see Victor clearly. The other man was smiling, his eyes open just a little, expression soft.

He’d never looked more beautiful, in Yuuri’s biased opinion.

“ _Thank you_.” The Russian whispered, sending goosebumps down Yuuri’s back. He nodded, his cheeks flushing a little.

“Victor… when you said you expected nothing else, what did you-”

The man loudly cleared his throat before he could finish, and just like that, their sleepy lassitude came to an end. Victor scrambled back and sat up on the edge of the bed, his smile just a little fake.

“I’m really tired Yuuri… can we talk about this some other time, maybe?”

His tone made it more than clear he didn’t want to talk about it at all – and Yuuri couldn’t for the life of him work out why. That didn’t stop him from shrugging though, and from following Victor to his bedroom to lay down with him there.

Truthfully, he was exhausted as well.

A good night’s sleep was probably what he needed to think more clearly anyway.

So, he let himself be wrapped up in Victor’s arms and let sleep overtake his mind, his questions be damned.


	67. Chapter 67

Waking up next to Victor the next morning felt like pure heaven. The other man was laying behind him, his arms wrapped around his middle, not unlike how he’d woken up several times before. What made it different was that he could tell that the other man was awake – clearly content to stay put, but awake nonetheless.

Yawning, he stretched a little, pleased when Victor’s arms tightened around him.

“How did you sleep, жизнь моя?” The Russian practically purred into Yuuri’s eyes.

“Good. What time is it?”

“Mh, just before noon. You slept a long time.”

“And… you?”

“I’ve been awake for a while. I don’t mind, though.”

Yuuri wriggled around until they were laying face to face, just a few inches between them.

A few inches that… he was free to cross now.

He did so without hesitation, gently pressing their lips together again. Victor hummed his approval and practically melted against him, hands rubbing up and down his back. It would have been incredibly arousing if he hadn’t still been so emotionally raw from the day before.

As it was, he kept the kiss for a few more seconds before pulling back again.

Victor’s smile was so bright it nearly hurt.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Mh, I wasn’t quite ready to start the day without you.” Victor said, shrugging.

It hit him a moment later – he’d ignored the man the entirety of the last day. And now… now he didn’t want to be alone. Yuuri really had been an ass to him. He gulped.

“Shall we go get some breakfast?”

“Yes!”

Victor happily shuffled after him to the dining area, where his mother was already waiting with food – he had no idea how she always knew, but she did. With a bowl of rice in front of them each, they dug in.

“I see you boys made up, then?” His mother asked, thankfully in Japanese.

He nearly choked on his rice.

“Well, we…” He began, unsure how to explain.

His mother smiled softly and patted his head.

“It’s okay. Couples fight sometimes. It’s normal. You should have seen Vicchan though. He was so upset all day!”

Guilt laced through him… followed by him shaking his head.

“N-No! We’re not a couple!”

His mother gave him a knowing look.

“You know it’s fine, right? We’re happy if you’re happy.”

As if on cue, Victor looked up from his bowl.

“It’s not like that though. In Russia, things aren’t so easy.”

His mother settled at the table next to him.

“Yes, I know. I kept your Vicchan company yesterday and he told me all about how he had to hide.”

He gaped at his mother. “…Really?”

Turning to Victor, he asked in English. “You… spoke to my mother about how it is in Russia?”

The skater nodded. “Mhm. You said I could talk to your family openly. Your mother is a good listener.”

He nodded, not having expected the other man to open up so… easily. He was glad though – no doubt, his mother was a great person for Victor to talk to. She’d helped him manage his anxiety for years.

“That she is. Was she… what did you talk about?”

Victor beamed. “Nothing much. She told me how it was for you growing up.”

He nearly choked on his rice.

“You… talked about… me?”

The Russian beamed. “Of course we did!”


	68. Chapter 68

After breakfast, they headed to the beach for a walk. Yuuri knew they had to head to the rink later – they’d skipped far too many trainings, all in all. He was itching to get on the ice again – no doubt, Victor felt the same.

They hadn’t even _discussed_ their respective nationals and what they’d do about them.

He was torn from his thoughts when Victor’s hand slid into his.

The man didn’t say anything, just held his hand as they walked along the beach.

Yuuri’s hart had absolutely no defense for it.

“Can we talk about yesterday now?” He waned to kick himself as soon as he spoke – he hadn’t even meant to say anything! Watching Victor’s smile drain from his face as the other man understood what he meant was painful.

“If you want.” Victor replied, his voice deceptively light.

Eager to have a _real_ conversation, Yuuri’s grip on his hand tightened and he stopped in his tracks. Victor had to stop as well, and spun to face Yuuri.

His face clearly showed he didn’t want to, but he also didn’t seem like he’d try to get away again.

“Well, what did you want to say?” The Russian eventually asked.

What indeed.

Yuuri gathered up his courage. “You said you wouldn’t expect anything else from me. What exactly did you mean?”

“Wow, Yuuri! So bold!” Victor chuckled, before sobering a little. “I just meant that I didn’t expect you to do… more than kiss me. I know you aren’t after that. I wanted to let you know that I don’t expect it.”

“Right…” he mumbled, unsure what to reply. It wasn’t what he’d expected to hear from the other man, all things considered… but then of course he wasn’t sure what he WOULD have expected.

Studying the Russian, his hair swaying in the wind a little, he gulped.

He should probably just let it go. There was no way asking further questions would end well for him.

Definitely not.

He leaned up on his tiptoes and wrapped his arms around Victor’s shoulders. The other man readily held him closer and tilted his head down, just far enough that Yuuri could close the gap if he wanted to.

Of course he did.

Their kiss was as gentle and sweet as it always was.

When he released the other man, Victor was smiling again.

“Did you want more than kissing?” Yuuri blurted out. 


	69. Chapter 69

Yuuri desperately hoped that a pit would open up and swallow him whole. That was preferable to accepting that he had just actually said that.

Out loud.

What was WRONG with him.

When he managed to tear his attention away from his anxiety for a moment, he realised the way Victor was looking at him. It was an expression so familiar it struck him as odd – until he figured out why. It was usually found on his own face, not Victor’s.

A mix of flat out panic, embarrassment and that nameless something he sometimes saw in the other man.

Wasn’t that a change?

“Victor?” He asked, his voice steadier than he felt when the other man didn’t say anything.

The Russian was blushing, a shade of red he hadn’t seen on the other man before – it suited him well… and it gave him a bit of his confidence back.

Clearly, he had at least some effect on the other man. That was… reassuring.

“Well, Yuuri, asking me that is a little…”

Gulping, he decided that he might as well see it through – in for a penny, in for a pound.

“You asked me to kiss you more. You said that if… I thought you did something wrong you could do better. You were the one who asked for a kiss in the first place. You said… you want me in your life. That’s… it doesn’t sound like what you want is just a friend, Victor.”

He was proud of himself for managing to stutter his way through the whole thing, even if Victor was looking progressively more nervous.

This was a conversation they needed to have.

He’d worry about everything else later.

“Yuuri… I…” Victor began, only to break off again a moment later. “I don’t have the answer that you’re looking for. I mean… you _know_ that I’m attracted to you, obviously. You also know that I… I never allowed myself to even think about it. This isn’t easy for me.”

Compassion gripped his heart – no, of course, it couldn’t be easy for the other man.

A moment later, Yuuri found himself swept up in another hug – Victor’s face pressed against his neck. He could feel how emotionally fragile the other man was.

“Yuuri, I’ve never been allowed to be attracted to anyone. I wasn’t… planning on changing that. Really. I didn’t think it was all that bad. I told you, it goes away. But with you… Yuuri, I can’t help how I feel around you. And that’s not easy to deal with.”

He gulped, gently returning Victor’s hug. He knew what the other man was saying was the truth – and he was so, so relieved to finally hear it.

“Have you considered just… letting it happen? You don’t have to force yourself.” He gently prodded.

“But I don’t- Yuuri… what about you?”

“What about me what?” He quipped.

Victor pulled back and gave him a slightly annoyed look.

“This isn’t… just about me. What about you? You haven’t told me how you feel either.”

There it was again – a chance for him to show his hand to the other man.

If he so chose.

Yuuri stared up into icy blue eyes.


	70. Chapter 70

“Haven’t I?” He asked quietly.

“Hm?”

“Victor, you know me. Do you think I would have done what I did for just anyone?”

He could feel the man shake his head at his question.

“And, do you think I would have just… kissed anyone?” He asked, his voice wavering.

Another headshake, softer this time.

“Well then. You’ve seen the posters. What I feel… you already know, right? All I want… Victor, whatever YOU want is fine. I just need to know where we stand. If you want to take this beyond friendship, I’m willing to try. If not, that’s fine too.”

He took a deep breath before continuing. “I just can’t take this not-knowing, the neither here nor there of it. I don’t… expect you to be ready to just jump into something. You have enough on your plate. But I really need to know if you want to try.”

He pulled back from the other man.

“I think… I think I’ll head back first, okay? You and Makka stay here for a bit and think about what you want, yeah? I’m sorry Victor, but I really need… to know.” He finally finished, giving Victor a small smile.

Then he turned and walked away, all too well aware that the other man was staring at him. He felt like he could still feel his gaze on his back long after he got back to the onsen.

He knew it would… take Victor some time to make up his mind, to think it through. He’d given the man a lot to think about… but that didn’t help his nerves any. He spent a good ten minutes fidgeting around the common room before his sister grabbed him to help her move some boxes.

He didn’t normally like physical labour, but carrying cardboard boxes while his sister chattered on about her favourite band was oddly… relaxing.

Of course, eventually they ran out of boxes, and that meant going back inside, just in time for lunch.

Thankfully, nobody in his family actually commented on the fact that Victor hadn’t come back with him or wasn’t around. He was sure they were curious… but his mother simply served him his bowl of fried noodles with seafood and patted him on the back.

The food… well, he wolfed it down but he tasted very little of it.

When just before he finished, he heard the sound of the door sliding open, he nearly dropped his chopsticks. He didn’t know how, but he knew… that Victor was back. More likely than not, with an answer.

When Makka plonked down by his side a moment later, he absentmindedly petted her, all too aware of the shuffling behind him. He knew that whatever it was, Victor wouldn’t bring it up in front of his family.

In other words, there was no reason to be so nervous.

When a hand settled tentatively on his left shoulder, he nearly jumped out of his seat.


	71. Chapter 71

Victor’s touch was so light it was barely there. He still turned to look up at the other man. When he was met with a soft but unsure smile, he knew that whatever Victor had decided, they would be okay.

A moment later, he received the shock of a lifetime. After a brief hesitation, Victor pressed down harder on his shoulder and leaned down, pressing their lips together for a moment, then sitting by his side.

“I’m back!” He greeted the others and snatched up the rest of Yuuri’s food without so much as looking at anyone else’s reaction.

To their credit, none of his family so much as batted an eye. His mother gave him a small smile – and returned to eating her food.

Meanwhile, he couldn’t stop himself from staring at Victor – had that been his answer? Something of a public declaration… of sorts? It was about as public as he could ever be, given his career and all.

He gulped.

Was he really willing to attempt a relationship with someone who could never be open or public about it?

Victor’s free hand snuck over and gently brushed against his fingers before linking them together.

What a dumb question.

It was Victor, of course he would.

“So, are you boys heading to the rink later?” His father asked cheerily, evidently completely unaware of the emotional moment Yuuri was having. He chuckled softly.

“Yes, I was planning on it. What do you think, Victor? Want me to show you the rink?”

The man nodded quickly while still shovelling food down his throat. There wasn’t much left in his – well, Yuuri’s bowl – even though his mother had topped it up once, so he got up.

He really was quite keen to be alone with Victor.

“I’ll get our skate bags then.”

His sister gave him a knowing little wink when he passed her – he was all too happy that she couldn’t see his blush as he walked past. He hurried upstairs to grab their things. His own bag was still packed and ready to go, but he knew Victor’s wasn’t.

  
Still, it only took him a minute to grab everything they would need and to pack it into the familiar Team Russia duffel bag. Then, he went straight back down, where Victor was waiting, his coat already on and saying goodbye to Makka.

His heart nearly melted.

“Are you ready?” He eventually asked when it seemed like Victor was just going to keep petting his dog.

He looked up, his expression suddenly serious.

“Yes, I’m ready.”


	72. Chapter 72

They only made it about a dozen steps out of the onsen before Victor linked their arms together as they walked.

It felt a little as if the other man was leaning on him for support. Tightening his grip, he tried to reassure him as best as he could.

“I thought about what you said.” He eventually said, his hold on Yuuri tightening.

“You… were gone quite a while.” He replied, unwilling to push the man for an answer.

“Mh. It’s not… an easy decision to make.”

Yuuri didn’t say anything, waiting for Victor to tell him what he so badly wanted to hear – even though the kiss had eased his worries, he still… needed to hear the words.

Victor sighed.

“That’s not true. Actually it was incredibly easy. It wasn’t even really a decision. What took me a while was realising that I’d already my decision before you even asked. I just… I didn’t know what to do with that.”

“So the kiss was…”

Victor stopped, forcing Yuuri to do the same – just near the middle of the bridge, not a soul in sight.

“It was… me trying to prove to you that I’m _serious_ when I say that I want to try. I want to try everything with you. I… don’t know what exactly that means, but I want it anyway.”

Yuuri struggled to breathe in as he stared into Victor’s eyes.

He had expected hesitancy, that same shy quality the man had shown before. This wasn’t like that – it was like Victor on the ice. Passion, fire and so much certainty he wanted to swoon.

“Then we’ll find out together, okay?” He whispered.

Victor’s smile beamed back at him. “Yes! I love that!”

Yuuri barely got a moment to enjoy the warm feeling in his chest before Victor was dragging him along, towards the rink. Eagerly keeping his pace, Yuuri allowed himself a matching smile.

He felt like he did after he’d just won a competition – not something he’d felt in a while… and something he wanted to feel again.

Which, unfortunately, meant that he had a LOT to do before he was ready for his nationals, and with just under two weeks to go, he didn’t have much time to do it either.


	73. Chapter 73

Victor proved to be just as strict in his criticisms and comments on Yuuri’s skating in Japan as he had been in Russia. He spared him nothing, eagerly pointed out flaws and areas that needed improvement, all the while only occasionally skating his own programs.

Yuuri watched, excitedly, every time he did, but he couldn’t help but notice that there was something… missing from the performances. They were flawlessly executed, of course, but the emotional component… was lacking.

He wanted to ask, but all things considered, he’d already pushed the man far enough, emotionally for one day.

So, he did what came naturally: Praise Victor’s performances all the way back to the inn.

Out of habit, he headed straight for the onsen’s bath entrance – Victor followed, until he realised where Yuuri had led them.

Hovering near the door, he cleared his throat.

“Yuuri…?”

“Hm?”

“Are we… is it still appropriate for us to bathe together?”

He hadn’t expected the question.

“We don’t have to. There are some small private baths around if you want to use one of those.”

“I don’t, it’s just…” Victor flushed slightly.

“It’s fine. The hot water is amazing after training. You’ll see.”

Like before, they changed clothes on opposite sides of the wall, and with towels wrapped around their waists, headed to the shower area. He didn’t offer to wash Victor’s back this time, but he kept a watchful eye on the other man – he seemed… off.

Just a little.

Leading him to a quiet spot in the mostly empty onsen, he allowed himself to relax deeply into the hot water for a few moments before checking on Victor again. The man was sitting by his side, but he didn’t seem to relax like Yuuri did.

“Is something wrong?” He asked, sitting up a little more.

Victor shook his head. “No. I just feel… tired.”

Yuuri sat up further, studying Victor more closely. He definitely looked exhausted – maybe more so than he had a moment ago.

Stretching once, he gave the other a friendly smile.

“Let’s go to bed, then.”

“Yuuri? We can stay a while longer.”

He appreciated the offer.

“No, it’s fine. Let’s go.”

Victor didn’t argue again, and just a few minutes later, they were in bed – Victor was quite literally asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Shooing Makka away, he gathered the taller man into his arms the way Victor normally did to him and let himself drift off as well.


	74. Chapter 74

Waking up with Victor in his arms rather than the other way around presented a unique challenge – namely finding the will to move. He woke slowly, immediately aware that Victor was still deeply asleep. Makka was draped over both their legs, with only a few rays of sunshine to tell him it was time to get up.

Therein lay the problem – he REALLY didn’t want to.

If it hadn’t been for nationals, he probably wouldn’t have.

So, very carefully he freed himself first from Makka, then from Victor. Sneaking out quietly, he headed to his room to get his things – he wanted to get an early skating session in.

He was painfully aware that his stamina exceeded Victor’s, and that he needed the additional training more than the four-time world champ did.

Since it was just before the regular opening hours of the rink, he actually ran into Yuuko – to his shame, he hadn’t so much as told her that he was back in the country. Since he had his own key, he hadn’t needed to, and with Victor being, well, there, it had slipped his mind.

Catching up with his old friend was almost as fun as the punishing training he put himself through. By the time he tired, a good three hours had passed. He hurried home, took a quick shower and returned to Victor’s room… only to find the other man still asleep.

Happier than he probably should be, he snuck back under the duvet and pulled Victor against him again.

A low groan alerted him to the fact that he’d woken the other.

Indeed, a few seconds later, Victor turned in his arms and wrapped his own around his waist.

“Good morning.” He greeted the Russian.

“Mhhh… morning.” Came the mumbled reply.

Keen to wake the other man a little more, he pressed a kiss to the other man’s mouth. Victor responded eagerly, the contact just as electric as it had been the first time. He pulled back after a few seconds, pleased when Victor seemed a lot more awake.

“Have you been up long?” He asked Yuuri.

“Just a bit. Did you sleep well?”

“Very. Can I… could we…” He began, before breaking off with a frown.

“What is it?”

“I’m being silly, that’s all. This is… difficult. Would you mind if I… kissed you again?”

Blushing at the direct question, he nodded.

“You don’t need to ask. Anywhere, anytime is fine with me.” The last few words were whispered between them, because Victor was already leaning in again.

Yuuri was flattered by how eager Victor was, how insistent the man’s mouth moved against his own. It wasn’t until Victor gave an annoyed whine that he understood the other man wanted… more.

Sighing, he parted his lips – Victor didn’t hesitate for a second before he deepened the kiss, all the while squirming ever closer, until they were pressed together almost completely.

When Victor gave a particularly sweet moan, Yuuri eagerly flipped them so that he was laying on top of Victor, pressing him into the mattress. For a moment he worried he might have overstepped, but the way the other eagerly pulled on his shirt reassured him.

In fact, when he broke the kiss again a few minutes later, it was Victor who gave a disappointed mewl that went straight to Yuuri’s cock. Not surprisingly, it had taken a keen interest in the proceedings – though he had made sure to keep himself away from Victor, worried it might, well, overwhelm him.

Victor himself didn’t seem all that bothered as Yuuri was kneeling between his legs. His erection was clearly visible through the thin jinbei he’d fallen asleep in.

Yuuri wanted to snap a picture.


	75. Chapter 75

Instead, he focused on the man himself – Victor looked absolutely ravished, even though all they’d done was kiss.

“Y-Yuuri…” The Russian groaned, his hips shifting on the mattress.

“Hm?”

“That felt… really good.”

He pressed a light kiss to Victor’s jawbone. The man shuddered underneath him, his hands clutching Yuuri’s shoulders… but he didn’t miss the tension there either.

Yuuri pulled back, giving Victor some space.

“Mh, why did you stop?” The Russian complained after a few moments.

“I didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

Victor’s face had the softest, fond expression on his face as he leaned over and pressed a kiss to Yuuri’s cheek.

“Does that mean you want to stop?” The pout on his face made his question seem oddly… petulant.

“We don’t have to stop if you don’t want to.”

Victor licked his slightly swollen lips.

“I want more, only I’m not sure…”

Yuuri swallowed.

“We can wait. We have time.”

“You don’t mind?” Victor asked, frowning.

“No. No pressure.” He assured the other before pressing another chaste kiss to his lips.

“Okay… okay.”

Yuuri sat up with a sigh, willing his erection down. Victor across from him was still visibly hard – the other man would really be the death of him.

“Yuuri?” Victor asked after a few moments.

“Yes?”

  
“Is it okay that I’m sort of… turned on?”

He had to swallow the first (and second) answer that came to mind before settling on his most confident smile.

“Of course. I’m flattered. Should I… go get us some breakfast while you… get ready?” Really, he just wanted to put a bit of distance between them, give himself some time to… think. With his head. Something else currently had dibs on most of his blood supply.

Victor gasped quietly.

“Y-You want me to… touch myself?”

He had no idea where Victor had gotten the idea that that was what he meant, but…

Before he could answer, Victor snatched his wrist, as if to stop him from leaving – not that he had been all that keen in the first place.

“I… I didn’t, last time. When you left. I was too… confused? Will you… stay? With me? Please, Yuuri…”

He closed his eyes and pinched his nose briefly.

Victor Nikiforov was begging him to stay while he touched himself. Surely it had to be some kind of wet dream?

But no, he decided, looking at the man’s conflicted expression – the man before him had very little in common with the fantasies he’d had over the years.

“If you want, I’ll stay.”


	76. Chapter 76

Victor sighed in relief.

“Okay. Then how…”

An idea struck him before Victor could finish his question, and he stretched out on the bed again, patting the mattress in front of him. “Here, lay with your back to me.”

The Russian instantly obeyed, and practically moulded himself against Yuuri’s front. He gently shuffled until they were pressed together completely, one arm wrapped around Victor’s chest, the other resting on his own hip.

“Okay…” He mumbled into Victor’s ear, his heart racing so loudly he wondered if he could hear that too. “Go ahead.”

Hesitantly at first, then with a little more confidence, Victor’s hand slid down his body and disappeared under the trousers of his jinbei. He shivered against Yuuri, his breath coming in short pants as his hand started to move rhythmically.

He’d never experienced anything like it – not with any of his exes, not even in a fantasy – but it was rapidly becoming a favourite of his. He pressed a kiss to Victor’s neck, enjoying the small moan it got him.

He pressed himself against the other more tightly – moments later, Victor’s free hand scrambled back, reaching for his own. Victor linked their fingers together, squeezing them as his other hand sped up.

Yuuri’s breath was embarrassingly erratic given his passive role in what was happening… but there was no helping it.

Victor was grunting quietly, the rhythm of his hand changing ever so often. Experimenting, Yuuri realised – trying to figure out what felt good for him. He gulped, almost awed that he was privy to such a private moment.

The other skater’s grip on his hand tightened a little more and a small mewl escaped him, just as he pressed against Yuuri even harder.

It was only then that he realised that he’d subconsciously been rubbing his own erection against Victor’s ass – he hadn’t even noticed. He awkwardly shifted back just enough to break content, surprised when Victor’s hand stopped moving as well.

“W-Why did you stop?” The other man asked, his accent heavier than usual in his voice.

Yuuri cleared his throat.

“I wasn’t… sure if you minded. I wasn’t doing it on purpose.”

Victor shot him an impatient glance over his shoulder and tugged on the hand he was still holding.

“The only thing I mind is that you stopped.”

Oh.

Wow.


	77. Chapter 77

His hips snapped forwards almost of their own volition, pressing himself against the other man again. Victor gave the slightest moan and pressed back, his grip on Yuuri’s hand almost painfully tight for a moment.

Then, he started moving his other hand again, in a steady rhythm. He seemed to have found something that was working for him – Yuuri’s breath hitched.

He was embarrassingly close, despite not having touched himself at all. Victor was pressing back against him, shifting his hips just so and it was affecting him more than he’d expected. His own grip on Victor’s hand tightened a little when the man’s occasional moans turned into a steady stream of gasps.

His hand was speeding up more until the man stiffened, and, with a quiet “Yuuri!” spilled into his hand.

He stopped his own movements once Victor had shuddered his way through his orgasm, listening to the older man’s breathing. His own need was reminding him of its presence with a rather persistent throbbing, but there wasn’t much he could do about it.

A moment later, Victor rolled over until he lay facing Yuuri, his flushed face against his chest.

Well-aware of how… sticky the other man had to be, Yuuri quickly leaned back and grabbed a tissue from the box sitting on the bedside table and gave it to the other man. A few quick wipes later, the tissue sailed across the room and Victor was fully pressed against him.

“Was that… okay?” He eventually asked when Victor gave no indication of how he felt about what had just happened between them.

The Russian responded with a soft laugh.

“If you want to wake me up like that every morning, I’d be a very happy man.”

To his relief, a moment later, Victor looked up at him and gave him a playful wink. An unexpected wave of relief surged through him – he’d worried that the other man might… regret what had happened.

“That was… I didn’t know it could be like that. I never really bothered…” Victor waved his hand, expecting Yuuri to understand – he did.

He held Victor in silence for a few minutes, before a rather burning question occurred to him.

“Victor… how long have you been… depressed?”

The other man huffed, evidently displeased with the change in topic.

“I don’t know. Maybe… since my senior debut? A little after? I’m not sure.”

He sucked in a sharp breath.

“That’s… a long time.”

“Maybe. It’s… why so suddenly?”

He… didn’t have a good answer to that.

“Curiosity. Are you…” He cleared his throat. “Are you hungry? Do you want to get some breakfast?”

Victor sighed quietly – he realised he probably wasn’t supposed to hear it.

“Why not?”


	78. Chapter 78

Their rather late breakfast was delicious – of course, how could it not be. His mother had made them fresh miso soup, which they both ate with gusto before heading to the rink – in Yuuri’s case for the second time that day.

Things went… well, not much different from the day before. He improved some on his own skating, Victor’s was still perfect, still devoid of what normally made it so special. He had no idea how to bring it up – how to mention anything on the topic.

He was once again painfully reminded of the fact that he was in over his head when it came to Victor’s mental health. Sure, he could take the man to somewhere he felt… safer, but that didn’t fix whatever demons had driven him to that rooftop.

Outside of the rink, it was deceptively easy to assume nothing was wrong at all. He hadn’t seen that fake smile he’d worn in Russia in some time, and while he was more reserved around guests and strangers, Victor didn’t behave all that different from when they were alone together.

Well, with the notable exception of the touching – Victor was almost always touching him in some way or another when they were alone, while around his family, he restricted himself to the occasional brush of their hands or shoulders.

Frankly, it was every domestic fantasy Yuuri had ever had and more.

But, he also knew that it wasn’t… right, not when Victor’s skating still showed that something was wrong.

He said nothing for almost an entire week.

When there were only five more days until their respective nationals and Victor had made no move to book himself flights… well, Yuuri knew that he had to say something, somehow.

He waited until they were alone together, after dinner, sat on the porch with a small bottle of sake between them to mention it.

“Victor… it’s almost time for your nationals. I’ve arranged transportation to Tokyo for me, but you… you’ll need to fly to Moscow.”

The Russian tossed back the rest of his nearly full cup of sake in one go and set it down a little too forcefully.

“I know. I’ll have to get in touch with Yakov, I suppose. He won’t be pleased.”

“Have you… been in contact with him?” He hadn’t noticed Victor calling his coach, but then he didn’t exactly keep watch over him all day.

“Not directly, I’ve been messaging Mila every now and then.” His tone made it clear that that was just enough contact for him.

“You should… call him. It’s only late afternoon in St. Petersburg and you still need to book everything.”

The Russian huffed. “I’m well aware. This isn’t my first national competition.”

Yuuri flinched. “No, I know. It’d be your, what, sixth gold?”

“You think gold is a foregone conclusion?” Victor’s tone wasn’t exactly... pleased.

“Well, if you skate like you usually do, yes. There isn’t anybody at your level.”

Victor snorted. “Oh there is. But, I have it on good authority he’ll be at his own nationals when I skate mine.”

It took him a moment to realise Victor meant him. “M-Me? I’m no-not at your level!”

Victor shot him a disbelieving look.

“Of course you are. Yuuri, you learned a new quad in the last three and a half weeks. It takes most people months.”

He blushed, pleased that Victor was impressed – he had indeed spent a fair amount of time training the quad loop, and he could land it somewhat consistently now. Still…

“Well, either way… there is something I wanted to ask?” He forced himself back on topic.

Victor refilled his cup. “Go ahead.”

“Whenever you skate your routine… there’s… something off about it.”

“That’s not a question.” Victor remarked frostily, sipping more sake.

“The question is… why? And can I help?”

To his surprise, Victor stretched out on the porch, shifting until his head landed in Yuuri’s lap, his arm covering his face.

  
“The short answer is… no, you can’t help.”

He gulped. “And the long answer?”

“Nothing you don’t already know. It’s… going back. To Russia I mean. Seeing Yakov again… I feel like he’ll know. About us. And then… the competition itself.”

Yuuri took a deep breath.

“The… competition?”

To his surprise, Victor sat up and looked at him with an unusually calculating look.

“What if I told you that I don’t want to skate in my nationals?”


	79. Chapter 79

Yuuri gulped.

“Well… you wouldn’t get to skate at world’s?”

“I am aware.”

Yuuri tilted his head, not quite understanding what Victor was saying. Victor was clearly waiting for him to say… something. He didn’t know what though, so he settled for a confused shrug.

Victor huffed. “Right. Well, don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine at the competition. You’ll get to watch me win that _precious_ gold medal.” He spat the word precious like it was an insult, and Yuuri flinched.

Before he could so much as ask about it, Victor had stood and disappeared into the house again, leaving him to stare after him dumb founded.

When he came to his senses again, he followed, just in time to see Victor slam the bedroom door shut between them. He stood, a little lost, in front of the closed door. He knew they had to talk about whatever had happened, but… but clearly Victor wanted some space.

His heart heavy, he turned and went to sleep in his own bed.

The next morning, he was woken by his mother, who informed him that Victor had already gone to the rink before him. He practically sprinted the entire way there, eager to get to see him as soon as possible.

Stumbling into his skate and to the edge of the rink, he was pleased when he immediately spotted the Russian at the far side of the rink, brushing the ice of his skate blades. The man was visibly exhausted… and visibly frustrated.

He watched, rooted to the spot, as Victor pushed off, launching into a complicated and fast step sequence before jumping into a quad-double sequence. It wasn’t part of his routine – Yuuri knew them by heart.

Victor came to a stop again, leaning on the rink barrier. He looked so… tired. How long had he been training alone here?

Slipping his skate guards off, he quietly skated over to the other. He knew he had to have heard the scrapes his skates made on the ice, but he still flinched when Yuuri reached out for his arm. He didn’t hesitate to draw the taller man into his embrace, noting the physical shudder he gave when his arms wrapped around him.

Why had he walked away from the bedroom the night before again? He could practically taste the loneliness Victor had to have felt. Had he really thought the other man didn’t want him around? He’d probably wanted for Yuuri to come to him again, to be there for him.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered to Victor in his arms.


	80. Chapter 80

“No, don’t be. I’m the one who acted unreasonably.” Victor said, his tone far too stiff and distant for Yuuri’s liking.

He grabbed Victor’s shoulders and pushed him far enough back that he could look at him properly.

“Can we talk about yesterday? Please?” He begged, displeased when Victor’s expression immediately soured.

“Fine. I’m not sure what there is to talk about, though. I’ll call Yakov later today and arrange everything. You don’t have to remind me.”

He sighed and released the other man.

“I didn’t mean to remind you. I wanted to ask about what you said. About… not skating nationals?”

Victor huffed, skating backwards to put a little more distance between them.

“Don’t worry about that. It was just a silly thought. Forget about it.”

Yuuri knew better than to believe him when Victor skated past him, seemingly determined to keep practicing.

Like hell.

He chased after the other man, all too aware that Victor was… dodging him.

While practicing his step sequences.

If he hadn’t been so pissed off, he’d been impressed. He hated it when Victor was so childish and, frankly, petty.

Still, two could play that game. He knew Victor’s steps almost as well as his own – it wasn’t too difficult to wait for a section he recognised, and to predict where the other would end up.

Yuuri rather forcefully pulled the other man out of his steps by the hips, pressing them together, almost like when they were ice dancing together. Pretty much immediately, Victor leaned into him, nearly enough to throw off his balance.

He almost missed the way the man stumbled a little when he released him to be able to talk to him properly.

“Victor, please! Can we… not do this? Just talk to me.”

The Russian shot him a frosty glare but stopped, obediently enough and faced him.

“There’s no reason to talk about it, Yuuri. You’ve made it clear that you expect me to skate in my nationals. I’ll bring you another gold medal, don’t worry.”

Something like understanding slowly crept into his mind. It was something so far-fetched he’d not even considered it an option. After all, the other man was Victor Nikiforov, the Living Legend.

Which was… a public image. One even he had fallen for, because… why wouldn’t he?

Panic started crawling its way into his mind as he realised what he’d done, what he had been doing to Victor – the exact thing that had hurt him so much in the first place. He’d assumed that Victor was… happy skating. Wanted to skate, and to compete.

But what if… what if he didn’t, anymore?

What if he hadn’t, for a while?

Yuuri stared at Victor, his anxiety slowly closing up his throat.

A moment later, he dashed off, off the ice and into the changing room, where he found himself on a bench, his head between his legs, hyperventilating, trying to fight off his panic attack before it could really take hold of him.

Another pair of skates entered his field of vision a few moments later, and then an arm settled softly around his shoulders. Victor was whispering something to him, in Russian – a long stream of quiet words he couldn’t understand. It helped though, somehow, gave him something to focus on, something to centre him and keep him calm.

It still took him a few minutes until he could breathe normally again, until the tremble in his fingers subsided, but when he did, he allowed himself a sigh before looking up at Victor. The Russian was standing above him, at what had to be an uncomfortable angle for him, and was just hugging him.

He stood, a little shaky.


	81. Chapter 81

“I’m sorry, Victor. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to run away.” He forced out, his throat raspy.

Victor stepped away and reached for his duffelbag. “Don’t worry about it. That was… a panic attack, right?”

“Mh, sort of. Not a bad one. Thank you for… helping me. You made it better.”

He was greeted with a kind smile as Victor handed him a water bottle. He took a sip, hoping it would ease his throat.

“Did I? That’s great.”

“Yes... What? What were you saying? In Russian?”

The other man shrugged. “I was just trying to reassure you. You don’t have to be… scared, Yuuri. I’ll compete in nationals, okay? I'll win gold for you, yeah? It’s fine.”

He shook his head, so hard he nearly dropped the bottle.

“N-No!”

Stumbling forwards on his skates, he grabbed Victor by the shoulders and pressed him against the lockers behind him, overeager in his desire to reassure the other man. The Russian didn’t fight him, just let it happen.

“…No?” He echoed, and Yuuri shook his head again.

“Victor! I don’t want you to force yourself to skate. I never did. I thought you WANTED to skate and to compete! I didn’t… you don’t, do you?”

Victor seemed to look straight through him as he let himself sink down on the bench.

“Yuuri…” He gulped. "I don’t know what I want anymore. It used to be… so easy. I skated. It was expected. There _was_ nothing else. But now… now there is? There is you.”

Victor reached out for him, blindly, and Yuuri took his hand, his own heart breaking in his chest.

He’d assumed Victor was the same as him, loved skating as much as he did. But… it made sense, a frightening amount. Victor hadn’t wanted to go back to training when they’d arrived in Russia. He hadn’t wanted to go to the rink in Japan either.

Every time the nationals were mentioned, he closed off. The closer the competition came, the worse it got. He’d misunderstood, had assumed it was… just the separation. This made more sense.

Holding Victor’s hand, he watched as grief, fear, and desperation crossed Victor’s face.

“I’m so, so sorry I missed this, Victor. I genuinely thought… I thought you _wanted_ to skate.”

Those beautiful blue eyes fluttered open and looked up at him.

Something wordless passed between them before Victor looked down again, staring at his hand… or maybe his skates.

The Russian whispered something, too quiet for him to make out.

Awkwardly kneeling between his legs – not an easy feat on his skates – he gently tilted Victor’s face up so the other was looking at him again.

“What did you say?” He asked, his voice as soft as he could manage it.

“Would you… would you still want me if… I don’t skate?”


	82. Chapter 82

His breath whooshed out of him in a weak laugh.

That was what Victor was worried about?

“Victor… Oh Victor.” He whispered, leaning his head against Victor’s knee.

The Russian was looking through him again, his suffering etched into his beautiful face.

“Please look at me.”

A moment later, those blue eyes focused on him again, properly this time.

“Victor Nikiforov, I don’t care if you never set foot on the ice again in your entire life. I don’t care if you skate or if you work in an office, or if you work at all. You hear me? I don’t care about your medals, I care about _YOU_.”

He paused for a second, studying the other man’s reaction. It didn’t seem like he quite… believed him just yet.

Well that just wouldn’t do.

“I want you to be happy, okay? Whatever that means. If it means… you don’t skate, then that’s fine. I didn’t introduce you to my parents _for your skating_ , okay?”

The other man’s lips twitched into something like a smile.

“Yakov… will be angry. So will Yuri.” Victor half-whispered.

Standing up, he pulled Victor up with him.

“ _Then let them._ ” He responded, empathetically.

A breathless laugh was his only answer – then, tentative arms settled around his shoulders. It was perhaps the most tentative hug Victor had ever initiated.

He wasn’t half as gentle, holding the other man close as he could without hurting him.

“Is it… really okay if I stop?” He whispered into the crook of Yuuri’s neck.

“I promise. I’ll still be here if you do. No matter what, okay? I’ll be here as long as you want me.” And probably long after, he mentally added. This wasn’t a short-term thing for him or his heart – and he prayed the same was true for Victor.

“I’m… not sure what I want.” He eventually rasped out, tightening his hold on Yuuri. “I just know that I _don’t_ want to skate in nationals.”

“Okay. Then you won’t. Do you… want to come to Japanese nationals with me?”

When Victor drew back, tears were streaking down his cheeks, but he had the most beautiful if shaky smile on his features.

“Yes! I’d love nothing more!”


	83. Chapter 83

Training at the rink without Victor was… odd. After their emotional talk, they’d stood in silence for a while – he didn’t know for how long.

He’d have spent the whole day there if it wasn’t for Victor sniffling and declaring that while _he_ might not, Yuuri DID need to practice. Before he could really react, Victor had all but shoved him back to the rink and onto the ice.

He’d had his phone out and dialled his sister before he was really aware of it.

He watched as Victor took his skates off in sight of the rink, relieved when his sister picked up after the second rink.

“Hey Mari… I need a favour.” He began, in Japanese.

“Sure squirt, what’s up?”

“Could you take… Victor shopping?”

“I’m sorry could I WHAT?” His sister shrieked into the phone, loud enough that Victor looked up from what he was doing for a moment.

Their eyes met across the ice and he forced himself to smile as best as he could.

“Shopping, I want you to take him shopping.”

His sister groaned.

“Is this one of those depression things?”

“Well… I suppose so? I’ll explain it later, okay?”

“The things I do for you. I’ll be at the rink in a few minutes.”

The call cut off and Yuuri smiled. She had to have put her shoes on as soon as he’d called for her to be at the rink so quickly. He really was lucky to have family like her.

Indeed, not even five minutes later, Mari sauntered into the rink and approached Victor, who had just been sitting by the rink entrance. He couldn’t make out what she said to him from the far side of the rink, exactly, but Victor quickly got up and followed her out, after waving goodbye to him with a small smile.

With them gone, he did his best to focus on his own training.

It went better than expected. Being at his home rink… helped. So did knowing that Victor was being looked after by his sister. No doubt she was telling him all sorts of things about Yuuri he didn't want the other man to know - a risk he had to accept if he wanted her help, and he definitely did.

He didn’t make as much progress as he might have with Victor’s snarky commentary, but that… was okay. Slow progress was progress too.


	84. Chapter 84

Coming home, the first thing Yuuri saw in their bedroom was… bags.

Enough that he briefly considered having walked into the wrong room. Surely that had to be it?

Makka lying on the bed, rolling over two such bags confirmed that it wasn’t. Since Victor wasn’t in the room, he instead went off in search of Mari. She was easier to find – she was laying down in the family room, a beer in her hand.

“Mari?” He asked, unsure why she looked so exhausted.

She grunted in acknowledgement but made no move to get up.

“What… uh, what are all the bags? In the bedroom?”

That got him a reaction – a death glare from his sister.

“You said to take him shopping.” She declared frostily.

“Yes? Where did you take him shopping TO?” He asked – the number of bags probably exceeded the number of shops in all of Hasetsu.

“Fukuoka.” She groaned, and suddenly Yuuri understood – the town was less than an hour’s drive away… and he had been training for several hours himself. Plenty of time for them to drive there and for Victor to probably spend an unreasonable amount of money. He understood his sister’s exhaustion, all of a sudden.

“Was it bad?” He asked, remembering his solitary shopping experience with the other man. He wore the things he bought him nearly daily.

“He bought me a DRESS, Yuuri.” She hissed before taking a swig of her beer.

“O-Oh?” He asked – he’d never seen her in a dress… ever.

“Yes! He convinced me to try it on and before I could say no he’d already paid for it.”

“Yeah… he does that.”

Quite suddenly, she sat up and narrowed her eyes at him.

“You know the worst thing?”

“Hm?”

“It’s _lovely_.” She snarled as if the word was something offensive. He couldn’t hide his grin.

“He has good taste.” Yuuri said diplomatically. “Thank you for taking him.”

“Sure. He… talked to me a little, while we drove. So, I got the gist of what’s going on.” She said, a lot more seriously than before.

“Oh. He told you? I’m… glad.” That meant he didn’t have to.

“Yeah. I was… surprised. I thought he was as crazy about skating as you are.”

He cast his eyes down. “Yeah, so did I.”

“Think he’ll want to skate again some day?” She took another sip of her beer.

“I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t care, either. I just… want him to be happy.”

Mari gave a dramatic sigh.

“My little brother the romantic. Why don’t you go check on your Juliet, or Romeo?”

Blushing slightly, he nodded. “Where… uh, is he?”

“Bath.”

“Thanks again.”

Finding Victor proved to be easy – he was sitting in the same spot they’d sat before when they’d used the bath. He looked quite… relaxed, leaning back against the rocks, his eyes closed.

Having hurried through changing and showering, Yuuri took his time sitting down next to him, eager not to startle the other.

He needn’t have worried. Victor’s eyes fluttered open as soon as he sat.

“Hi…” The Russian greeted him, his voice as relaxed as he seemed to be. It was a good look on him.

“Hey you. So, I, uhm, saw the bedroom.” He started, unsure what to say.

“Oh, yes. Too much? Sorry, I got so excited, I’ve never been shopping in Japan before.”

He smiled fondly. “No, it’s fine. I was just… surprised. I didn’t know Mari took you to Fukuoka.”

“Mhm. It was her suggestion, actually. I’m guessing the whole trip was your idea though?”

Blushing, he fumbled for an answer when Victor waved him off.

“It’s okay. I appreciate it.” He sat up, smiling impishly. “Which is why I bought you some things too.”

“Victor… no!”


	85. Chapter 85

‘Some things’ turned out to be an entire pile of bags, as he discovered once they came back in from the bath. Victor wasted no time in sorting the bags by recipient – there were some for his whole family. He knew about Mari’s dress – though he was keen to see it – but there was more. His father had gotten a t-shirt from his favourite football team, for his mother he’d bought two lovely aprons and a brooch that practically screamed expensive – he knew his mother would appreciate all of it.

Yuuri’s own pile of bags was a lot more… varied.

There was a new jinbei, in a beautiful blue and silver trimmed fabric – because the colour suited him, Victor had said with a slight flush. Two pairs of sneakers – clearly, Victor had noticed that his own had seen better days. Naturally, they fit perfectly.

There were two new shirts – the casual kind, but warmer than what he owned. Next to that were a few ties – though he’d brought one or two from Russia, apparently Victor thought he needed a bigger selection.

Victor’s own purchases varied even more. He’d gotten himself some swimming trunks for example – clearly, he was overly optimistic regarding the likelihood of bathing weather in December... or maybe, he allowed himself to think, he was planning on still being around in summer.

There was a new coat, a few scarves, well-fitting slacks, two pairs of sunglasses, and a whole selection of beauty and hair products. He’d seen that Victor had had a whole bunch of skin creams and the like at home, but he’d never seen him use any of them.

The man had bought an assortment of dog treats – and really, was there a shop he HADN’T dragged his sister to? – and even a new collar for her. Apparently, if they got new outfits, she needed one too.

Well, he wasn’t about to argue.

In fact, for the most part, he just sat, smiled and nodded where appropriate as Victor paraded his shopping past him. He was glad the man had enjoyed his trip… though he was equally glad when Victor eventually fell into bed next to him.

He laid on his back for a few seconds and Yuuri almost thought he might have passed out already, when he rolled over and tentatively placed his hand on Yuuri’s hip.

He immediately shifted closer, pleased by the man seeking out contact. After another few moments of silent cuddling, Victor glanced up at him from where he laid nestled against Yuuri’s shoulder.

“Hm?”

“Is it really true?” Victor asked in a subdued voice. “Would you… still care about me if I stopped skating?”

Yuuri rolled over, wrapping his free arm around Victor and squeezing him.

“Always. No matter what. I promise.” He assured the other man – and he meant it.

“So… I’ll have to withdraw from nationals.” The other man quietly mused. “And you said I can come to yours?”

“Of course. I’ll need you there to wish me luck.”

His answer seemed to please Victor if his smile was anything to go by – it was one of those heart-shaped smiles he loved.

“Are you… tired?” Victor asked after a few moments.

Truthfully, he was, but he was also relatively certain Victor was asking for a reason.

“Why?” He asked instead, his heart skipping a beat when, instead of an answer, Victor pressed a tentative kiss to his exposed collarbone. It took him a moment. They hadn’t… well, they hadn’t done anything beyond chaste kisses since that one morning.

Apparently… he gulped. He hoped he wasn’t misreading Victor.

Partly to check and partly because he _could_ , he lifted Victor’s chin, raising his face up until he could kiss the other man easily.

The sigh Victor gave confirmed that his suspicion had been right.

Wow.


	86. Chapter 86

Before he could do much more than savour Victor’s interest, he found himself flipped onto his back, with a relatively heavy weight settling low on his stomach.

Victor Nikiforov was sitting on him.

He was sure he looked at as stupefied as he felt. Victor on the other hand looked… hesitant.

He reached out to take the other man’s hand to reassure him, pressing a gentle kiss to his palm. Victor blushed a lovely shade of pink above him and seemed to find his nerve again. He leaned down to kiss Yuuri properly, most of his weight still resting on Yuuri.

This time it was Victor that pushed to deepen the kiss, that begged for entrance to Yuuri’s mouth, not that he put up the slightest resistance, of course.

After a seemingly endless kiss that left them both breathless, Victor sat back up and reached for the belt of the jinbei top he’d once again worn to bed. It wasn’t the nice one Victor had gotten him, but just one of the ones the onsen had.

With only the barest hesitation, the man undid the belt and brushed the sides of the top off his chest.

They’d seen each other, at the very least topless, multiple times… but not more than that. He was fairly sure that he’d caught Victor looking before – why, he wasn’t sure, not when his own body was so much more attractive, but then he wasn’t going to let his mind go down that route.

Not when Victor so obviously liked what he saw.

“Can I…” Victor began, then broke off with a frown.

“You can do whatever you like.” Yuuri assured him.

A hand settled on his right pec, then the other joined. Victor spent several minutes running his fingers up and down Yuuri’s chest and stomach, seemingly keen to learn him by touch.

Allowing himself to relax under the gentle touch, he gasped when Victor leaned forward and started pressing kisses down his throat, past his collarbone and to where his heart was. With a shuddering sigh, Victor leaned his forehead against him, before continuing, his kisses trailing lower and lower, until he had to shuffle further down his legs to be able to continue.

Yuuri gulped. The other man seemed determined to… well, he wasn’t quite sure what he was going for exactly, but it seemed to be a hell of a lot more than they did last time.

When warm fingers settled around the hem of his pants and slipped just underneath, he gasped. He wasn’t wearing underwear – he’d forgot to bring a fresh pair, had figured the jinbei bottoms were fine on their own.

Which meant… if Victor continued…

His breath hitched when Victor lightly tugged them lower. He was flushed, biting his lip as he pulled them another bit further down, exposing the top of his pubic hair. He kept it trimmed, but he knew the black hair made for a stark contrast to his light skin.

Victor’s breath hitched, apparently as he discovered he wasn’t wearing anything else.

“Sorry, I forgot to put underwear on.” He explained, a little more breathless than he would have liked.

The Russian gulped.

“That’s… fine? Can you take these off?”

“Are you sure?”

The other man cursed quietly, then nodded.

Keeping an eye on Victor the whole time, he carefully shuffled out of his pants, well aware that he was revealing himself to him completely – and that it was the first time Victor saw his cock. He knew he was quite average, but the way Victor looked at him… he blushed.

Gentle fingers brushed over his thigh, then the man bent over to kiss him, evidently having lost some of his nerves.

Yuuri understood – it had been a long time since he’d been this nervous with a lover, not that he was normally the most confident of people.

They kissed for a fair while before Victor pulled back again and smiled.

“Would you like me to… blow you?”

Yuuri nearly choked on his tongue, the suggestion so casually voiced it took him a moment to process it. His cock gave an interested twitch – of course – while his brain tried to figure out how to respond.

He gulped.

“You… don’t have to do that?”

Evidently the wrong thing to say – Victor pouted at him.

“You don’t want me to?”

“No! It’s just… are you sure?”

Victor shot him an incredulous look, then laid down by his side, his head pillowed on Yuuri’s shoulder. He could feel Victor’s own erection pressed against his hip.

“Can I… tell you something?” The Russian tentatively asked.

“Hm?” A hand distractedly played down his chest and stomach, until it eventually brushed over his hardness, the touch barely there.

“I was… I didn’t want to admit it, but I’ve been… thinking about this since… I asked you about sex that first time.” His fingers wrapped around Yuuri’s – by now, raging – erection.

“Thinkg... about this?”

The other man sighed into his shoulder.

“About… you? Touching you. Doing… more than touching you. Is that bad?”

It took a considerable amount of willpower for him not to jump the other man at hearing that. It was getting progressively harder to keep himself focused on the conversation, especially once Victor started to pump his hand up and down.

“Of course not. What… what did you think about?” He could feel Victor’s hips shifting against him a little, pleased that the other man was affected too.

“Several things. I… Can you tell me what you like? I want to please you.”

Victor was going to be the death of him.


	87. Chapter 87

Clearing his throat, Yuuri tried to find the right words.

“You said you wanted to… suck me off?” He asked, his mind rather set on the idea.

Victor gasped quietly.

“Yes, I really do. Can I?”

He nodded, spellbound by the sight of Victor shuffling lower, until he was laying between Yuuri’s thighs. He gave his erection another pump before gently steadying it and pressing a kiss to the tip.

He was NOT going to last, Yuuri realised. Mostly, he was hoping he wouldn’t make a fool of himself before Victor even got started.

To his amazement, Victor seemed as nervous as he was.

Moments later, the man’s hand snuck up to link their fingers together. He smiled down at Victor who returned the expression, before casting his eyes back down and slowly licking across his head.

Yuuri suppressed the urge to thrust his hips up and to bury himself in the other’s mouth.

Instead, he fought to keep still as Victor licked him again, and then carefully took him into his mouth. The whole time, he didn’t release Yuuri’s hand.

There was an edge of teeth, a slightly awkward shifting around, before Victor seemed to figure it out and let more of Yuuri slide into his mouth.

He found himself spellbound, staring down at the other man, the way his lips were wrapped around him, but more so by the look in those blue eyes. Victor seemed to be really enjoying what he was doing – though he was looking up at Yuuri, his eyes were clouded – by arousal, he realised.

The other man adjusted his position again, taking him even deeper. His motions were getting more confident, and soon he was rubbing his tongue up and down Yuuri’s length as well, all the while occasionally making quiet moaning noises.

He could _feel_ the vibration from it, just like he could feel himself approaching the edge.

Squeezing Victor’s fingers, he succeeded in drawing the man’s attention to him, but before he could so much as ask the other to slow down or stop, Victor gave a particularly deep moan and moved his tongue just _so_ , and Yuuri was gone – coming, his orgasm overtaking him completely.


	88. Chapter 88

It only took him a few moments to come back to his senses, an apology ready on his lips – not that he got that far.

Looking down at Victor again, the other man looked absolutely sinful. He’d apparently tried to swallow him, but not quite succeeded – there was come dripping down his chin and onto his chest where he’d sat up.

Yuuri immediately grabbed for the tissue box again, and, before the dazed man before him could say a word, started cleaning him up a little. Clearing his throat, he was relieved to discover that he had found his voice again.

“I’m sorry about that! I wanted to warn you, but I guess I was just too close.”

Instead of giving him an answer, Victor just shot him a pleading look and quietly moaned his name. Then, he shifted forwards, sitting in Yuuri’s lap, arms wrapped around his shoulders.

When Yuuri’s hands automatically settled on Victor’s hips, the man shifted his hips forward even more and began rubbing himself against his stomach.

If he’d been physically capable of it, he’d have gotten hard again at the sight.

Instead, he slipped his hand down Victor’s loose-fitting pants and wrapped his hand around his dick, pumping it gently. He remembered how Victor had done it to himself, and though he hadn’t seen, exactly, he had a pretty good idea.

Very good, apparently, it seemed – it took him less than a minute before Victor was nearly frantic, thrusting his hips forward faster and faster, until the other man froze, a drawn-out moan that Yuuri half-feared the rest of the inn would be able to hear.

He felt the tell-tale wetness on his hand and gently pumped Victor through his orgasm until the other man practically went limp in his arms and sank against him. If he hadn’t caught him, Victor would have probably hit his head on the headboard.

Chuckling softly, he shifted them around until Victor was laying on the bed properly, then he got up to clean himself up. The other man seemed to be out cold – Yuuri didn’t blame him.

A little self-consciously, he wiped his hands and thighs clean with a tissue and pulled a fresh pair of pants on. Then he shrugged into a full-length robe Victor had brought and darted away to the bathroom in search of a wet rag to properly clean them up.

He was gone maybe a full two minutes before he made it back to the bedroom… only to find Victor sitting there… crying.

He’d messed up again.


	89. Chapter 89

This time he didn’t even need to ask what he’d done wrong. He realised it as soon as the door slid closed behind him. It was just like after their first kiss – he’d seemingly dashed off. Cursing quietly, he dropped the damp rag on the bedside table and went to embrace Victor.

“Y-Yuuri?” The other man sniffled in his arms.

“Yes. I’m… sorry I left. I didn’t mean to upset you, I wasn’t thinking.”

Victor sniffled again.

“S-So it wasn’t because I was too… lewd?”

Blinking in confusion at the rather odd way Victor had phrased his question, he slowly shook his head.

“N-No! Of course not! You were fantastic.”

Victor clutched him tighter.

“I thought you left because I did something wrong again. Where… did you go?”

Reaching for the rag from behind Victor, he showed the man the unassuming towel he’d grabbed and wetted.

“I got you this, to clean up. You were a bit messy.”

Victor lightly picked up the towel.

“Oh. That’s… thanks. Could you… get me a change of clothes?”

Recognising the request for privacy for what it was, he dashed to the cupboard to get Victor his clothes. He pretended to be busy until Victor called out to him again, before handing him a fresh set of clothes.

The Russian accepted them, his tears slowly drying up.

Yuuri was still kicking himself over his thoughtlessness.

When Victor was dressed, Yuuri didn’t so much as give him a chance to stretch out on the bed – he immediately hugged him, arranging himself along the other man, his face pressed into Victor’s neck.

“I really am sorry for leaving.”

Victor sighed. “No, don’t be. You meant well.”

“But I hurt you. To be honest, I thought you were passed out.”

The Russian huffed. “Well, I sort of was! Yuuuuri, you’re a monster!”

“Seemed to me like you enjoyed it?” He purred with a confidence rather unlike himself.

Victor’s quiet gasp was answer enough… nevertheless, the Russian responded anyway.

“I didn’t… know it could be like that. When I… when I did it myself, it didn’t feel that good. And what I remember from before, it was always hurried. Never… like this.”

Yuuri felt his chest swell with pride – he didn’t think he was anything special, but what man didn’t like being praised on his performance in bed.

“You were great too. I really enjoyed what you did.” He assured the other, delighting in the shiver it got him.

“I… that’s… when I was younger, that is one of the few things that I allowed myself to… think about sometimes.”

“Hm?” His mind was growing hazy with sleep – he didn’t quite follow.

A gentle hand brushed through his hair.

“What it would feel like to have another man in my mouth.”

“And did it match up to your fantasies?” He mumbled, desperately trying to stay awake.

“Oh Yuuri… no fantasy could compare to you.” He vaguely head Victor speak before sleep finally overtook him.


	90. Chapter 90

Waking up the moment after having sort-of-sex with Victor Nikiforov was surreal, he discovered. It wasn’t any different than normally, really – they woke up wrapped around each other, Victor already awake, Yuuri taking a little longer.

But as the memories of their activities slowly filtered back into his brain, he couldn’t help a rather satisfied grin, hidden in the crook of the Russian’s neck – where he promptly nibbled to let him know that he was awake.

He wasn’t prepared for the sweet moan the contact got him.

Victor apparently hadn’t been either, because he immediately slapped a hand over his mouth and hastily apologised.

“It’s… fine? Did you not like that?”

Victor cleared his throat. “No, I did. I just… I was thinking about last night and I didn’t realise you were awake.”

“Mh, well, good morning. Do you want to get up and get breakfast?”

To his surprise, Victor pouted and turned to face him fully.

“We could do that. Or… we could… not?” He offered with a wink.

“I like not. Not sounds like the way to go.” He replied and leaned over to kiss the other man, firmly and passionately. Victor opened up to him immediately – at least until someone knocked on the door.

In a heartbeat, the man went from soft and aroused to stock-stiff and almost trembling.

Scrambling out of bed, Yuuri went to the door while Victor crawled lower under the blanket. Yuuri understood – he wasn’t exactly… keen on being discovered in a compromising position with another man.

It stung a little, but he got it.

To his relief, the person knocking was only his sister.

“Good morning, Casanova.” She greeted him.

“H-Hi Mari. We were just about to come and have breakfast.”

Behind him he could hear the faint sounds of Victor getting dressed – that much for the ‘not’ they’d both been planning on.

“Yes, well, ma sent me to ask if you wanted to get a ride to the rink.”

“Oh, is she headed that way?”

His sister gave him a meaningful look and switched to Japanese. “Yes, and afterwards she’s headed to the market to buy some food… if you need someone to keep him company.”

As if on cue, Victor poked his head out the door and greeted Mari – adorably enough, in Japanese.

“Victor, would you rather go to the rink with me or shopping with my mother?” He asked, not bothering with any excuses this time – it was up to the other man, after all.

Guilt flashed across Victor’s features for a second, before he shrugged.

“Whatever you prefer.”

He gently took Victor’s hand and squeezed, not replying. After a few more seconds of silence, he averted his eyes and squeezed back.

“Maybe I can help your mother carry the shopping.”

It would be a lie to say he wasn’t disappointed… but he understood.

They had breakfast together and separated at the rink – his mother was already happily chattering away about all sorts of fish as the door to the car closed. Smiling softly, he headed inside – he had work to do.


	91. Chapter 91

His training went well, even without Victor. He even taped himself and sent the recordings to Celestino – despite his promise to do so, he’d rather… well, lagged in that regard. Half an hour after he sent them, his coach called to talk about them in detail – and to his surprise, Celestino had very little criticism.

He wasn’t sure if the other man was trying to spare his feelings or if he really had somehow improved despite his messy training schedule and personal life.

Whichever it was, it actually gave him enough confidence to dry-run his programs in front of Yuuko and her triplets. All four of them were delighted – and even the critical little superfans had little to complain about.

It eased his nerves considerably – there was almost no time left until he needed to head to the rink in Tokyo to meet with Celestino for the competition. He really couldn’t afford any problems this late in the game – not if he wanted a stab at World’s.

His spectacular failure at the GPF had initially demotivated him, but as he skated laps around the ice, he found that it had become more motivation than anything – he was _better_ than that, dammit.

His thoughts inevitably wandered back to Victor – the Russian would be there to watch him – he wondered what people would think?

Grinning, he jumped into a quad-triple combo. He came down a little wobbly on the triple, but all in all it wasn’t bad.

Of course, he nearly tripped over his own feet when a second later, loud clapping echoed through the empty hall.

Not empty then – indeed, a quick inspection revealed his mother and Victor by the edge of the rink – on the far side from the actual gate that allowed entry on the ice. Smiling, he skated over to them.

“Wow! Yuu-chan! So good! I never get to see you skate in person! You’re doing great!”

Blushing slightly, he mumbled a thank you to his mother.

“Why… are you here? Are you done already?”

His mother snickered. “Well, you know I didn’t need that much anyway, and your Vicchan was getting a bit restless. I thought I’d offer to check up on you and he seemed quite eager.”

His blush only deepened – Victor, however, seemed unaware, his expression one of pure anticipation.

“Yuuri… I have some news.”

His stomach dropped – good news? Bad news? Had something happened?

Swallowing down his instinctive reaction, he tried to stay calm. “Oh?”

“Mhm! I managed to get tickets for nationals in Tokyo!”

He chuckled.

“Yes, well, we don’t need tickets. I’m competing, remember?”

“Not for us, for your family! Your mother mentioned how she only ever saw you on the TV, so I thought it’d be great for everyone to go!”

He glanced at his mother.

“But… the onsen?”

His mother waved him off.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry. We’ll only be staying the first day, and we can keep it closed just this once. Are you alright with us coming?”

A grin slowly spread across his features.

“Yeah!”

It was true, his parents hadn’t seen him skate properly in years – not when it was so difficult for them to close the onsen. A wave of affection for both them and Victor nearly choked him up – sometimes he really didn’t understand how he could have such wonderful people in his life and somehow still suffer from anxiety.


	92. Chapter 92

For the rest of his training, Victor stayed, having decided not to keep accompanying his mother – so Yuuri found himself subjected to an endless stream of corrections and snarky little comments from the other skater.

He knew they were _right_ of course, but they still ended up getting on his nerves.

When he took a lunch break, wolfing down a few sandwiches he’d pre-made that morning, he decided he needed a bit of a break from that snark. When the opportunity presented itself, Victor standing behind him, complaining about one of his jumps, it was glorious – having just had a drink from his bottle, he spun on his skate and physically backed Victor into the wall, grabbing him by the hips and pressing their lips together.

He worried, for a second, that he’d overstepped, that the other man would mind, but after the briefest hesitation, Victor kissed him back enthusiastically, hands winding into his hair.

Whenever they kissed, Victor would make the tiniest pleading noises, and Yuuri absolutely loved them. There was a lot to like about kissing Victor to be fair, but that was definitely his favourite part.

When he was sure that the other man wouldn’t keep snarking at him, at least for a bit, he pulled back.

“W-Wow! Yuuri… what…”

“Mh, you were being mean. I needed a break from the criticism.” He quipped.

Victor chuckled. “Oh? If that’s how you’re going to shut me up every time I’ll be complaining a lot more.”

He grinned.

“Well, I’ll just have to keep kissing you then.”

He loved the way Victor flushed as he made his way back to the ice.

The older man hadn’t set foot in the rink since… well, since he’d confessed he didn’t want to skate in nationals. Still, he seemed perfectly happy to advice and watch Yuuri, so it wasn’t too bad. All things considered, it was actually enjoyable.

Knowing that Victor watched him… well, it was good practice for the anxiety he felt when he skated in front of people, really.

A crowd of strangers couldn’t possibly make him more nervous than knowing that Victor was watching and _judging_ his skating.

It was easy enough to get past that though – especially since he knew that after that, he’d get to go home with the man.

Teenage Yuuri would have been delighted.

Adult Yuuri wasn’t exactly unhappy either – especially when he could readily see just how… open Victor was. While the man remained polite and distant to any guests he ran into, he was almost as open with Yuuri’s family as he was with him.

He had taken a particular liking to Yuuri’s mother, and would often sit and chat with her. Sure, when he wanted Victor to talk to someone he HAD meant a therapist, but seeing the man smile, genuinely smile, as much as he had been doing was wonderful too.

So, naturally, it couldn’t last forever.


	93. Chapter 93

The morning of their shared trip to Tokyo was… tense.

Yuuri knew that Russian nationals had started around when they left. He hadn’t seen Victor withdraw, nor speak to Yakov or even Mila, but he trusted him when he said that he’d taken care of it. Still, as they sat in the car – them and Mari in one, his parents and Minako in another – he couldn’t help but see how tense the other was.

Even gently linking their hands in the empty seat between them didn’t seem to ease his nerves.

It was almost funny then, that he himself wasn’t all that nervous – not yet, at least.

It was quite a trip to the hotel they were all booked into – his parents had managed to get a room in the same hotel that Yuuri was already booked into. Well, truthfully Victor had managed it, but that was just semantics.

Celestino, he knew, had already checked in earlier the same day, and was eagerly awaiting his arrival for the last training session before the competition itself.

Checking into the hotel room and dropping his bags off was easily done, even though he did have to sign two autographs on the way. Victor, who had stuck to his family, was already waiting by his room by the time he made it up.

He’d worn a hat and glasses to hide his face and hair, in hopes of not sticking out so much – and therein, Yuuri realised, laid the problem. If Victor Nikiforov was spotted at Japanese nationals after withdrawing from his own, there would be… questions.

Questions they couldn’t easily answer without revealing their relationship.

Frowning at the skate bag he was packing on the hotel bed, he realised that it was the first time they would have to really hide their relationship since its start – its _real_ start anyway.

He was torn from his thoughts when strong arms wrapped around him.

“What’s wrong?” Victor mumbled, his head tucked on Yuuri’s shoulder.

“Mh, just thinking… have we… is there something we can say to… explain why you’re here? If you get spotted?”

Victor froze for a moment, before leaning into him more heavily.

“No, not particularly. I mean, I guess I could say something like assistant coach? Would Celestino be okay with that?”

He shrugged and finished packing the bag.

“Maybe. I don’t know. It… we could ask him, but what do we tell HIM?”

The truth wasn’t an option, much as he would like it to be.

“Midlife crisis? I ran away from the pressure and decided to hang out in your parents onsen? It’s not even that far off the truth.”

Yuuri shot him an impatient look.

“Yes, well, it IS far off the truth. You didn’t have a midlife crisis and you didn’t run away from the pressure either.”

Victor gently pulled him around so they were facing each other.

“Didn’t I?” He grinned. “I distinctly remember you telling me to run away with you…”

Blushing slightly, he shrugged.

  
“That’s different.”

“Either way, it was _terribly_ romantic.” Victor winked at him.

He knew the other man was just teasing, of course, but it still bothered him that he had phrased it so self-critically.

A knock on the door startled them apart. It was oddly reminiscent of their first stay in a hotel together.

Yuuri went to check the door – Celestino.

He glanced back at Victor who gave him a thumbs-up, then invited his coach in.


	94. Chapter 94

“Yuuri! Long time no see! I hope you’re ready for training, we don’t have a lot of time. Are you nervous about tomorrow? I-” His coach broke off mid-sentence when he spotted Victor, who was casually leaning against the wall, waving hello.

“Uh… Victor? You’re here too?”

The Russian shrugged. “Shouldn’t I be? I dropped out of nationals.”

“Yes, I, uh, heard. You caused quite the uproar. But why are you… here?”

“Oh, I was already in Japan so I accompanied the Katsuki family here for the event.”

“Right…” Celestino shot him an incredibly confused look.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but how long will you be staying here? I need Yuuri focused, not distracted.”

He was a little insulted that his coach spoke over him like that – he wasn’t a child. Before he could say so though, Victor had already stepped up.

“I was just here to say hi to Yuuri. My rooms are on another floor anyway. I’ll see you around Yuuri.”

The taller man stepped past him, their shoulders brushing together in what, to Celestino, had to look like an accident. He knew it wasn’t.

“I’ll see you later, Victor.” He quietly assured the man – it was the best he could do.

Victor left, and he found himself alone with his coach, who was already in full prep mode. He distantly listened and nodded at the appropriate moments – yes, his skates were sharp, no he hadn’t injured himself, yes he was ready, no he wasn’t particularly nervous, and so on.

Time passed so slowly he thought he could hear it crawl by.

Training itself wasn’t much better. They had half the rink to themselves, the other half used by another skater that was competing – Yuuri didn’t know his name. He skated rather listlessly, he knew. Celestino wasn’t too harsh in his critiques, but he’d heard enough of Victor’s commentaries that he could just about imagine what the other man would have to say.

He knew he could do better.

Still, he got through it and, as soon as possible, ditched Celestino. While walking away, he was already texting Victor.

‘Where are you?’ The message had barely sent when he received a reply – a photo. He opened it, to find it being a picture of Victor laying on his back, on a hotel bed. _His_ hotel bed. He’d left his spare glasses on the bed, and Victor was cheekily wearing them.

Fighting the urge to set the picture as his phone background, he hurried back to his room.

Indeed, Victor was there, rolling around on the large bed, though sans glasses now.

“Hey! How… uh, did you get in? Not that I mind.”

The Russian laughed. “I palmed your second keycard when I left. I… wanted to stay here, not in the room I booked.” His tone was almost defiant.

“Fair enough. So… you really did book your own room?”

He gave a weak smile. “Well, yes. Just in case, you know. Keeping up appearances.”

Yuuri dropped on the bed next to him.

“It’s only been a few hours and I’m already sick of pretending. Tomorrow is going to be torture.” He whined to the Russian.

Victor’s head settled gently on his shoulder and he found himself wrapped in his arms.

“I’m sorry. I don’t like it either. But please, don’t let it distract you from skating. I want you to do your best.”

He smiled softly at the other man, snuggling even closer.

“Are you saying you want me to bring you a gold medal this time?”

The Russian purred. “Well, it’s only fair. Besides, if it’s anything other than gold, I can’t kiss it, can I?”

Yuuri chuckled at the man’s light tone – it wasn’t enough to distract him from the horrible feeling it was to have to… hide what he had with Victor.

“Then again…” The other man continued, drawing his attention again. “I’m sure we could find something else for me to kiss?”

“Victor!”


	95. Chapter 95

The morning of the competition wasn’t exactly his favourite. He hadn’t slept well, even with Victor there. The man had snuck back up into his room after dinner, where he had sat with Yuuri and his parents.

Without him, he wouldn’t have gotten any sleep at all, he knew. But, despite that… well, he felt awful.

Not about the competition, but about hiding his relationship with Victor. It made him sick to his stomach that they had to. He wanted nothing more than to scream to the world that Victor was his, thank you very much… Instead he watched as the man sat with his family, just another face in the crowd, while Celestino tried to pep talk him.

He wasn’t listening – he knew he had the short program handled. Besides, even if he screwed up, the long counted more, a voice in his mind that sounded suspiciously like Victor reminded him.

Taking his starting position on the ice, he shot one last glance to where he knew he was sitting – his family was easy enough to spot, given that they had brought not one but two banners with his name on them.

He smiled softly – then, the horn sounded, and his music began to play.

A spin. Step sequence. Triple axel. Ina Bauer. Step sequence. His first quad – he overstepped the landing a little, but nothing he couldn’t recover from.

Mentally, he went through each element as he performed them. Spin, Double-triple combo. Another quad, in a combo.

He landed his toe loop combo perfectly, allowing himself a proud grin – it wasn’t easy, but he had definitely improved on the jump. Spread eagle, camel spin.

Already two thirds through the program, he realised he didn’t feel tired at all – on a whim, he decided to upgrade his last triple jump to a quad salchow.

He landed it, if a bit wobbly. A final step sequence, a layback spin… and that was it.

Breathing hard, he stopped in his final pose. He’d gotten through the short program at nationals, and he knew he’d done well.

He was already sitting in the Kiss & Cry with a very proud Celestino when he realised that his anxiety hadn’t acted up even once. Well, not until his scores were announced – he had done well. A good five points ahead of the next skater, and there was only one more to go. He was almost certainly going to be in first place at the end of the first day.


	96. Chapter 96

“I’m so proud of you!” Victor purred into his ear as soon as the door to his hotel room closed behind them. It was the first time they’d been alone together since they’d woken up in the morning.

Ignoring the man’s praise, he spun and immediately kissed the other. It was a chaste kiss, but one he absolutely needed – it wasn’t until he pulled back and stared at the soft smile on Victor’s face that he felt normal again.

Well, more normal anyway.

“Hi…” He greeted the other man, his hands rubbing over his back automatically. “How was your day?”

Victor shrugged and pulled back to take off his coat and hat.

“It was fine. I stayed with your parents. I don’t think anyone recognised me, to be honest. It was just a little boring without you there.”

“I’m sorry, I-” He began, but Victor shushed him.

“Don’t worry about it. Are you in any pain? You wobbled on that one quad quite a bit.”

Chuckling at the other man’s tone, he shook his head.

“No, I’m fine. I just desperately want to shower. Do you mind?”

“Of course not. I’ll… wait here?”

Pressing another kiss on the man’s lips just because he could, Yuuri dashed off to the bathroom. The hot water felt great – his muscles were a little bit sore, as always after a competition. Nothing particularly unusual there.

That done, he wrapped himself in a towel and hurried back to Victor, who was idly playing on his phone on the bed.

The way the man did a double-take at the sight of him felt better than winning medals did.

Blushing slightly, he walked to his suitcase to get himself a change of clothes. He’d forgotten them before the shower.

Quickly pulling on the pants and a shirt, he was well aware of just how much Victor was staring – it was rather flattering.

Even more so when he reached out a moment later and beckoned Yuuri over. Standing in front of the bed, with Victor kneeling on it, he was taller than the other. Victor had to reach up to wrap his arms around his neck, which he did with a soft smile and a purr.

Yuuri bent down just a little to kiss him, the contact slow and unhurried, but toe-curlingly sweet.

He wasn’t sure how it happened, but not long after, they were both stretched out on the bed, Victor on his back, Yuuri above him, still kissing. Victor’s hands were roaming his body, not nearly as shy as they had been last time – much to Yuuri’s delight.

Due to his training schedule, they hadn’t had time to do more than sleep since last time, but Yuuri was far too wound up from the competition to go to sleep just yet. Victor seemed to be too, if his impatient touches were anything to go by.

Just to see what reaction he’d get, Yuuri kissed a path down the man’s sternum and to the waistband of his slacks, gently tugging on it with his teeth.

Victor was delightfully flushed, his erection visibly tenting said slacks. Yuuri pressed a few kisses along the clothed length, fully intending on returning the favour from last time… at the very least until there was a knock on the door.

He stared up at Victor in disbelief – who would knock at his door at nearly ten at night? Had he imagined it?

Sadly not.

Cursing mentally, he awkwardly shuffled to the door, only opening it as far as he had to, to see who was outside.

His coach.

Again.

Yuuri was starting to miss _not_ having a coach around.


	97. Chapter 97

Forcing a smile and willing down his – thankfully hidden by the door – erection, he greeted his coach.

“Hey, Yuuri, I just came to check on you. Are you doing alright? Is the pressure getting to you?”

He tried to appreciate his coach’s concern, he really did.

“No, I’m fine. I was just about to lay down. You know, get some rest for tomorrow.”

  
“Yes, sure. Listen, I know you’re not really used to being in first place after the first day, so I just wanted to make sure you weren’t psyching yourself out.”

“I’m not. Really. I’m fine.”

“Okay… you’ll tell me if things get bad? You know I’m right down the hall.”

“Yes, of course. Thanks coach, but I’ll be fine.”

Celestino frowned.

“Yes, well, doing good in the first program doesn’t mean you’ve got the win in the bag yet. I know you’re feeling okay now, but you need to stay focused on the competition, okay?”

“Yes, coach.” He answered, maybe a little more snarkily than was justified – Celestino was only looking out for him.

“Is… Is Victor being here a distraction for you?”

Yuuri froze, panicking for a moment about how Ciao Ciao knew that Victor was in the room – then he realised that he meant the hotel and allowed himself to relax.

“No. It’s… nice having him here.”

“Sure, but Yuuri I know how much you admire him. I don’t want his little holiday interfering with your performance.”

He was itching to tell Celestino off for being so dismissive, but that would have raised questions – so instead, he forced another smile and nodded.

“Promise. Him being here doesn’t affect me _at all_.”

Apparently finally getting the hint, Celestino nodded and dropped the subject.

“I’ll let you get some sleep then. I’m five rooms down the hall if you need me.”

“Thanks coach.”

He only just didn’t slam the door shut as soon as the other man turned to go – it felt like the conversation had dragged on forever, when all he wanted was to crawl back into bed with Victor.

However, as soon as he sat down on the edge of the bed, he was met with a rather… well, disappointed and angry expression – pouty almost, but a little too serious for it to be funny.

What had he done now?


	98. Chapter 98

“So… apparently I don’t affect you at all?” The man practically barked at him.

That was… rather a change in tone from before.

It was also nonsense.

“What? I didn’t mean that! I only said it because I wanted Celestino to go away as quickly as possible. I-I didn’t mean it!” He insisted, struggling to believe that Victor could even think that it was anything other than an excuse.

“But did you?” Victor asked again, his stance… defensive.

Yuuri sat, close enough to be in reach, but not close enough to crowd the man. Victor himself had shifted so that he was sitting on the bed, hugging his knees. He looked quite small.

“Can you tell me what’s going on? I feel like this isn’t just about what I said to my coach.”

“Maybe.” Victor admitted, his hold on his legs relaxing a little. Yuuri reached out, placing his hand on Victor’s leg, gently rubbing in what he hoped to be a comforting manner.

“Maybe…” The Russian continued. “Maybe it’s about the fact that I was thinking that already anyway?”

“Thinking… that I don’t care about you?”

The other man shot him an annoyed look.

“No, I know you _care_ about me. This is about… about how I affect you. Or… not.”

Yuuri gulped. “I don’t understand.”

“Of course not. You don’t… see it, I guess. Yuuri, I always feel like I’m the only one who wants you. You don’t care. I feel… Yuuri, I’ve been told my whole life that I’m a pervert. Well, that gay people are, anyway. But now… I actually feel like it.”

Yuuri watched in silent horror as Victor wrapped his arms around himself more tightly. He waited in silence, well aware that the man had more to say.

“Is there something wrong with me for wanting this? I go half-crazy every time you get close to me. And you… you kiss me against the rink wall until I can barely see straight and then walk away and jump quads like nothing happened.”

The Russian ran a hand through his hair.

“You get up and talk to Celestino, when it took me a few minutes just to be able to _sit up_. And… and… I lay awake, sometimes, just… wanting. You pass out the minute you lay down. I get distracted, thinking about what it feels like when you touch me.”

Yuuri felt himself blushing, his cheeks warming steadily as the other man explained himself.

“And… the fantasies. There are… is it weird to dream about things? Things I want to try.” His voice trailed off – he seemed to be losing his nerve.

“So… let me get this right.” Yuuri began, careful to make sure he really would get it right this time. “You… you’re worried there is something wrong with you because you have fantasies?”

His only reply was a small nod.

“And you think you don’t affect me?”

Another, more definitive nod.

Yuuri took a deep breath and thought about the previous interactions they’d had. ‘Am I too lewd’ the other man had asked. ‘What did I do wrong’ he’d asked.

“Oh Victor… there is _nothing_ wrong with you. Nothing at all. And you’re NOT a pervert, okay? I promise you, what you’re describing is all perfectly normal, okay? Everyone has fantasies.”

“Oh? Even you?” There was something in the other man’s tone – an edge, but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was exactly.

“Yes, of course.”

“Tell me about them.” Victor insisted. Yuuri’s blush only deepened. He had set himself up for that, hadn’t he?

“I will, I promise, but first we need to discuss something else.”

“And what’s that?” The man asked, his voice bristly.

“The _ridiculous_ idea that you don’t affect me.”


	99. Chapter 99

He took a deep breath.

“I kiss you like that at the rink because sometimes when you talk about my skating, I zone out thinking about how much I want you. I-I’m Japanese. We don’t… show how we feel very much. And lately I’ve been training so much, I fall asleep all the time. I know, and I’m sorry, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you.”

The Russian breathed the smallest ‘oh’.

Yuuri wasn’t satisfied yet.

“You’re not a pervert. At all. No matter what, okay? Whatever you want, whatever fantasies you have, you just need to talk to me about them, okay? I’m sure I’d love to try all those things with you.” He had no idea what they were talking about, exactly, but it was Victor – was there really something he wouldn’t at least try once for the other man?

Victor’s blush deepened.

“But what if… the things I want are strange?”

Yuuri huffed.

“They’re NOT, okay? And honestly, we may not like the exact same things, but that’s okay. We just… we just have to like each other. Everything else will work itself out.”

To his relief, the other man relaxed a little, so he reached for the other’s hand and squeezed it gently.

“I have a hard time talking about this.” Victor admitted, his voice still more subdued than Yuuri would have liked. “It’s easier to just… kiss and touch. I don’t have to think then. Probably couldn’t if I tried.” The man added with a sardonic smile.

Yuuri grinned.

“I’m… not the best at talking about it either. But it’s good isn’t it? When we… touch?”

Victor squeezed his fingers. “Better than I thought it could be.”

“Good, that’s good. I feel the same way.”

“Even though I’m not very good?” The Russian frowned.

“Have you heard me complain?”

“I… well, no?” Victor looked at him, a little confused.

“That’s because there is nothing to complain about. Come here?” He asked, hoping the Russian would take him up on it.

He needn’t have worried.

A moment later, he found himself tackled to the bed, Victor wrapped around him.

They stayed like that, for a while – long enough for Yuuri to start getting just a little bit sleepy – at least until Victor mumbled something unintelligible into his side, where his face was buried.

“Hm?”

Victor cleared his throat.

“I said… uhm, are you… you said you’d tell me about your fantasies?”

He blinked away his fatigue and focused more on his lover… his lover, who was slightly fidgeting against him, the faintest hint of a blush on his cheekbones.

Oh.

Smiling softly, he leaned down to kiss Victor. After just a few seconds – not nearly long enough – he pulled back and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours?”


	100. Chapter 100

“That’s not what you said earlier.”

“No, I know, but… if I know what your fantasies are, then I can _definitely_ tell you that there isn’t anything wrong with them, right?”

After a tense moment, the Russian nodded.

He continued. “So… you tell me one of yours, and I’ll tell you one of mine. Does that sound fair?”

The Russian nodded again, a shudder running across his skin.

Yuuri sat up, back against the headboard, his legs spread. When he was settled, he patted the bed between his legs, waiting until Victor had sat there as well. He gently directed the other man to sit with his back to him as well, pressing them together as close as possible.

He was rather glad for his flexibility, as it allowed him to spread his legs far enough to have them practically glued together.

His fingers automatically started trailing across the other man’s pale neck, gently massaging as he went.

“Go ahead.” He eventually said when Victor stayed silent.

The Russian sighed and leaned into his touch more.

“I already… told you about the blowjobs. I… that… I thought about that one a lot, even before we… started?”

  
“You’re doing so good.” He reassured the other man, his fingers working on a sore spot in his back.

“I like the idea of that… but in other places? Like, maybe, the rink? Is that odd?”

His heart skipped a beat.

“Not odd at all. For the record, I would absolutely be up for that.” And he would be – no doubt, Victor could tell what with his erection being pressed against the other man’s ass quite prominently.

“My turn then.” He declared, his hands sliding a few inches down Victor’s bed. “I like the idea of me watching you. Properly.”

Victor shuddered quietly. “Me… touching myself?”

“Mhm.” He confirmed.

“Yeah… okay. There is something else – when you first mentioned it, I was quite disgusted by the idea, but not anymore.”

Yuuri was trying to wrack his brain for what the other man could mean, but came up empty – then again, he was distracted. His fingers wandered lower on Victor’s back, massaging the muscles there.

“What’s that then?”

“Ah… anal sex?” Victor asked, and Yuuri watched in fascination as a pink blush spread far enough across his shoulders that he could see it even behind the other man. Unable to help it, he pressed a soft kiss to the edge of the redness. It earned him a quiet gasp.

“Yeah, okay. Definitely up for that. Have you thought about which role you’d want to take?” Yuuri certainly had a preference – most of his exes had as well.

“I-I don’t know? I mean… do you remember when you held me and I touched myself?” Like he could forget. “T-The way you were rubbing yourself against me, it was suddenly all I could think about.”

He couldn’t suppress a gasp – he’d had no clue the other man had been thinking about THAT of all things back then.

“Wow. Victor… I don’t have the most experience with it, but I would absolutely be willing to go for that. My turn, right?” He asked, mostly to buy himself time to think of a good answer to give.

“Yessss…” The other man hissed – he had no idea if it was a response to his question or to the fact that he had moved his hands even lower. Yuuri decided to go for something riskier.

“I love the idea of teasing you. Of getting you close and then not letting you finish. Again and again and again…” This time, his confession got him a quiet moan, one he rewarded by peppering tiny kisses down Victor’s neck.

“You’re always so gentle…” The Russian whispered, tilting his head to the side for easier access.

“Of course I am.” Victor’s hands slid back to rest on his thighs.

“Sometimes I think about you… not being so gentle. About you grabbing me and throwing me on the bed. Pressing me down, kissing me… doing what you want with me.”

He had to remind himself to keep breathing. That… he had not seen that coming. It wasn’t his thing, not really… but the idea of picking Victor up, bodily throwing him onto a bed… yes, that definitely had potential.

Just to show he approved, he slid his hands lower still and nibbled on Victor’s throat. The man arched his back and gave the sweetest moan, responsive as ever to his touches.

“I-Is that weird?” Victor asked, and Yuuri realised he hadn’t responded at all.

“No, not at all. Really not. Sorry, I was… distracted.” As if to prove it, he ground his hips forward and enjoyed the way it made Victor react.

Clearing his throat, he leaned forward, embracing the taller man from behind. He was struggling to think of more things – not because there weren’t any, but because he wasn’t having an awful lot of success with the whole ‘thinking’ thing.

“It’s… okay. I’m really enjoying talking about this? I mean, I expected to be embarrassed.” Victor said, his hands rubbing over Yuuri’s thighs still, just a bit more urgently now. “And I am, a little. But mostly, I _really_ like telling you.”

He chuckled. “Then it’s good that I like hearing it. For the record – feel free to tell me when you think of something else. Anytime, anyplace.”

“I’ll try. But Yuuri…” The man’s tone turned whiny – clearly, his impatience was getting the better of him.

Yuuri could relate.


	101. Chapter 101

“For now, shall we do something about this?” He asked, sliding one of his hands down Victor’s body until he brushed against the man’s erection.

“Yes, oh god, please!” Victor moaned, and Yuuri quickly added ‘Victor begging’ to his fantasies – definitely something to bring up. When he was less… busy.

For now… what to do with the beautiful man between his legs?

A slow grin spread across his face.

“Victor… do you want to take a shower with me?”

The other man groaned, clearly a little annoyed. “What, you want to take a shower _right now_? You just did!”

His grin widened. “I did… but this time you could come with me. It’s a big shower. Definitely space for both of us.”

“Oh. That… yes, definitely.”

Moments later, Victor had scrambled off the bed, his clothes practically thrown around the room. Yuuri watched in delight, only realising that he had to move to when Victor was almost bare. He caught up easily enough, having had to take off far fewer clothes.

By the time he stumbled into the shower after Victor, the man was soaked, water droplets glittering on his silver lashes.

He nearly slipped in his haste to catch up to the other man.

As soon as the shower door closed behind him, he had Victor backed up into the wall, kissing him, more insistently than ever before, his hands roaming along the older man’s thighs, eager to do more.

Victor was moaning, the sounds partly drowned by the water – it seemed like he was just holding on to Yuuri now, his hips shifting against nothing – that wouldn’t do.

Breaking their kiss and catching his breath, Yuuri pulled back just far enough to be able to speak.

“Turn around for me.” He ordered. Victor obeyed easily, and let Yuuri move him when he pushed lightly on his back, getting him to bend, just a little. He practically draped himself against Victor’s back, his erection nestled against the man’s ass.

They both liked it, if Victor’s eager movements were anything to go by.

Pressing a mindless kiss to Victor’s back, Yuuri ran his hands down his body, briefly squeezing the full cheeks of the other man’s ass, then lightly tapping his thigh to get him to spread them. Remarkably enough, Victor seemed to understand and adjusted his pose, just perfectly.

Telling him as much got him the cutest little whimper – but Yuuri wanted something louder.

Adjusting himself carefully, he let his dick slip between Victor’s thighs – high enough that he was brushing against his balls when he moved. Victor instinctively tensed his thighs as he made his first careful thrust – Yuuri had to bite his lip to stop himself from finishing immediately.

Instead, he focused on getting his angle and movement right – he wanted it to feel good for Victor too, but with no supplies, he had no way of going for some of the… ideas Victor had had.

Shaking off the thoughts, he focused on what he _could_ do – that was to say, make them both feel good.

It was only a little awkward to reach around the other man, making sure he was well braced against the shower wall as he did so, and gathering his cock into his hand. Yuuri’s other hand grabbed Victor by the hip, mostly for balance.

Then, he slowly started moving – every time he pulled back, he ran his hand along Victor’s length, when he thrust forward, he pressed kisses to Victor’s back.

The other man was shivering, his hands balled into fists. Yuuri could sense that he was torn between thrusting forward into his fist and back to meet his own movements, all the while warm water prattled down on them.

Groaning, he sped up his ministrations, his kisses eventually devolving into panting as he struggled to keep going without spilling himself. He wasn’t ready to finish yet – not when Victor was glancing back over his shoulder, looking at Yuuri like he was the only thing in the world.

Then… then Victor’s eyes fell closed and he all but screamed – a loud moan that he was sure the rest of the hotel had to have heard.

He felt Victor’s cock spray its sticky gift over his hand and the shower wall, immediately washed away by the water.

The older man wobbled for a moment – Yuuri thankfully had the presence of mind to pull himself away – before his legs gave out and he sank to a kneeling position on the shower floor. There was enough space, thankfully.

Before he could say anything, or check if the other man was okay, he had already turned around and was eyeing Yuuri’s own erection. It was an angry shade of red – he’d been so _close_ when Victor had come without warning.

Struggling for something to say, he leaned over the other man to protect him from some of the spray of the shower head. Victor looked up and met his eyes for just a moment before looking down again.

“Can I try again?” The Russian asked – Yuuri had no clue what he was talking about, but he nodded frantically – whatever he was talking about, he’d almost definitely enjoy it.


	102. Chapter 102

He was proven right when a moment later, Victor sucked his cock into his mouth with a moan. He had a better position than last time – a clear view of the other man’s expression as he did so, his hands balled into fists on his own thighs.

Yuuri had never seen anything quite that erotic.

Victor was more than enthusiastic, bobbing his head and occasionally swiping his tongue across the sensitive underside of his dick.

Well aware this wasn’t going to take very long, he tried to muster up enough brain power to come up with a way to make it… well, more interesting for Victor.

He gulped.

Victor had said he wanted him to be not so gentle.

Leaning against the shower wall with one hand, he used the other to grab a handful of Victor’s beautiful hair. The man gave no protest – not even when he began directing his movements just a little.

Quite the opposite actually, if the way he started leaning into it was anything to go by.

When a few seconds later, Victor’s eyes fluttered open and looked up at him with the most trusting and, dare he say it, _loving_ expression, he came, releasing his hold on Victor immediately.

This time around, the other man swallowed more easily, keeping up the suction for a few seconds.

He really _was_ perfect.

Yuuri let himself sink to his knees carefully, suddenly understanding why Victor had done so – he couldn’t stand up either. He gave the other a shaky smile that was returned easily, before leaning in and kissing him again.

Yuuri didn’t care about the taste, just wanted to feel Victor’s mouth against his own again.

  
When, after a few minutes, his thighs started to cramp up a little, he admitted to himself that they needed to get up again.

Doing so took nearly all his strength – Victor seemed to feel the same when he gave him a hand up. Turning the water off and handing Victor a towel, Yuuri stumbled towards the bedroom.

His partner wasn’t fareing much better – Victor looked as worn out as he no doubt did.

They dropped into bed almost immediately, neither bothered by the fact that they were wet and naked, still. Someone – he thought it was Victor – dragged a blanket over them, and they cuddled up against each other.

“Best. Shower. Ever.” Victor eventually said, his voice a little rough, breathing still fast.

Yuuri grinned down at the other man.

“Agreed. We should always shower like that, I think.”

The Russian chuckled. “We’d never get clean.”

“So you… enjoyed it?” Yuuri asked tentatively. He pretty much knew the answer, but he was also trying to make absolutely sure there would be no more misunderstandings.

Victor cursed quietly and gave him a disbelieving look.

That was answer enough. Yuuri held him closer.


	103. Chapter 103

Waking up the morning of his nationals’ free skate, Yuuri felt like a million bucks. He woke slowly, aware of Victor’s soft snoring against his shoulder and the faint sound of his phone alarm.

For once, he didn’t even care that he had to get up early and go train – not when he’d had some of the best sex of his life the night before. He somehow managed to squirm out from under Victor and get dressed – after a moment of contemplation, he decided to let the other man sleep in. Grabbing his bag and phone, he sent the man a brief text message – a simple good morning and apology for leaving before he met up with his coach.

Celestino for one was quite surprised to see that Yuuri was not only awake, but also relaxed. Truthfully, Yuuri was a little anxious about the performance, but not nearly as much as he normally was.

Honestly, his biggest struggle was focusing on and following Ciao Ciao’s instructions during practice. He kept zoning out and thinking back to his and Victor’s shower – and who could blame him?

He was only human.

Training passed quickly, followed by a pre-scheduled press event he had to get through – thankfully, it wasn’t too bad.

Yuuri loved press events in Japan compared to overseas ones. The questions were more polite, less intrusive. He could comfortably speak in Japanese rather than having to worry about getting a nuance wrong somewhere.

That didn’t mean he _liked_ the events though – no, they were boring and made him nervous. Still, when a lovely young lady asked him about his impressive recovery since the GPF, he found himself fighting a grin.

The answer was easy – Victor. Of course he didn’t phrase it that way, he knew all too well that they couldn’t be open… but he could at least be a little honest. The familiar sting he felt whenever he had to keep quiet about their relationship flared up again.

“It’s because of the support of a beloved person that I’ve been able to skate my best so far. I hope they will continue to support me for as long as possible.”

The answer caused quite a bit of a stir – well, a polite and quiet stir, but still.

He was rather proud of his answer – it was the closest he could get to a public declaration, really. Ignoring the way his heart ached whenever he thought of having to hide his relationship, he focused on other questions instead.

Only _after_ the interview did he begin to wonder how Victor might feel about him having used the ‘l-word’… and in a public interview, no less.

He had to remind himself that Victor didn’t understand Japanese to calm down.


	104. Chapter 104

The last few hours to his free passed quickly. Knowing he wouldn’t get to see Victor much at all for the next day or so didn’t help, but then he was busy enough that he could distract himself… mostly.

His anxiety came back with a vengeance as he watched the other skaters – there were a few very talented skaters at the event, and they all skated well.

It didn’t help that he couldn’t spot Victor anywhere either. His family had already gone back to the onsen, he knew, but Victor was in the audience somewhere – not that he could see him anywhere, of course.

Celestino was in full coach mode – he really appreciated the other man’s support, probably not as much as he deserved, actually.

When it was time to skate for him, he found his nerves… manageable. He was nervous and scared, but he also found himself wanting to show off what he had prepared.

Taking his initial pose, he knew he’d be able to do well.

His free was a faster piece, one that didn’t give him a lot of time to recover from mistakes. He hadn’t chosen it – it had been Celestino’s suggestion. A jazz song that he never really grew to love, but one that was a great backdrop for his performance.

The first half of the skate went well – almost too well.

Yuuri wanted to be challenged. So, in a move that Ciao Ciao would no doubt scold him for, he decided to swap a few jumps around.

Adding a quad late in the skate was risky, but nothing he hadn’t done the very day before. Making it a loop was definitely a bigger risk – he still didn’t have the jump down as well as the toe loop, or even the salchow.

Remembering that Victor was watching him from somewhere, he jumped it anyway, relieved when, other than a double-footed landing and a wobbly transition to his next step sequence, it went well.

By the time he reached his final pose, he was almost… disappointed that it was over.

Following Celestino to the Kiss & Cry, he eagerly awaited his scores. He felt selfish for thinking so, but he was rather confident that he’d won.

  
He was right.

A good six points ahead of second place, thanks to what Celestino called a ‘criminally underscored quad loop’, Yuuri had… done it.

He’d won nationals. Qualified for worlds.

His eyes automatically scanned the crowd again for Victor. Still nothing.

The medal ceremony didn’t feel as satisfying as it might have done, nor did the congratulations he received from his fellow competitors and the personnel around. There was only one person he was thinking about.

He beelined back to his phone as soon as he could to check for texts – indeed, there were several.

One from Victor wishing him good luck during practice, then two more mentioning he missed him. A text from his family that also wished him good luck – then, two missed calls from Victor in the early afternoon, followed by a series of texts that just contained a single exclamation mark each.

Since Celestino confiscated his phone, he hadn’t gotten them at the time – he tried to place the time but came up empty. He’d trained until early in the afternoon and then… then he’d had his press event.

Oh-oh.


	105. Chapter 105

Fingers shaky, he called Victor. The man picked up on the first ring.

“Victor?”

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line.

“Hi Yuuri!” The other man eventually greeted him – he breathed a sigh of relief. Victor didn’t sound angry, at least. That was… something.

“Y-You called?”

“Oh yes, I did. A couple of times, actually.”

“Is… everything okay?”

“Well, I watched this incredibly interesting press snippet today.”

Yuuri felt himself blushing, desperately wishing he had somewhere to hide.

“…… Oh?”

“Mhm. I only just caught it after I woke up. I don’t normally sleep so late, but I guess someone must have _worn me out_.”

Clearing his throat, he tried to fight his blush as best as he could – to no avail.

“And then! Imagine my shock when I watch this little clip and I hear what is easily one of the romantic things I’ve ever heard.” Victor continued.

He let himself relax a little. Romantic indicated good. Probably.

“Y-You understood it?” He asked, despite knowing the answer.

Victor hummed in reply. “Not exactly, but thankfully, the stream had _subtitles_.”

Yuuri was an idiot.

“I… see. And, uh, what did you think?”

There was another, longer pause.

“I’m in our room. Come here and I’ll tell you what I think.” The call ended.

Yuuri had never run so fast in his life, dodging past staff, visitors and reporters, and racing to the hotel just across the street from the rink, and straight into a lift, where he jogged on the spot until he could run the last stretch to his room.

He came to a sliding stop in front of the door and, fumbling for his key card, he practically tripped over himself to get in.

Victor was staring up at him with obvious surprise – not that he could blame the other man. He had sort of just barged into his own hotel room like a madman.

  
With a slight creak, the door behind him fell shut.


	106. Chapter 106

“Congratulations on winning nationals, Yuuri.” Victor said.

Almost reflexively, he pulled the medal from the pocket he’d stashed it in to show the other man.

Victor didn’t look at it for a second.

“You, uh, wanted to talk?” He asked, his heart racing faster and faster.

Victor took a deep breath.

“I’ve spent about half the day putting what you said through every possible translation programme to make sure I got it exactly right and didn’t miss anything.”

Yuuri gulped.

“That was… some announcement.”

“V-Victor, I’m sorry if I overstepped a line. I was just… I’m sorry?”

To his surprise, Victor stepped up to him and gripped him tightly by the shoulders.

“Are you? Sorry? Or did… you mean it?”

Yuuri thought he was slowly figuring out what was happening – probably. Maybe.

“I… did mean it. And… don’t worry, I never mentioned anything about you. I’d never… compromise you like that.”

The Russian nodded, slowly.

“You want me… to be by your side?”

“Of course! How can you doubt that?” He asked, his voice exasperated.

Victor shrugged.

“I just… figured you’d rather not have to keep a secret like this.”

Yuuri chuckled, some of his anxiety easing a little.

“Of course I’d rather _not_ have to keep you secret, but the alternative is not having you at all, and I don’t find that acceptable. Does that… does that mean you’re okay with what I said?”

For a moment, Victor gave him a confused look that quickly morphed into embarrassed laughter.

“Oh Yuuri, how can you even doubt that? I nearly _swooned_!”

Groaning, he allowed himself to sit on the edge of the bed.

  
“Then… what was it with that whole come here to talk to me thing? I was terrified.”

Victor chuckled. “I just thought it was a good way to get you back for blindsiding me like that. Also, this is a conversation that should happen… in person, I think.”

He nodded.

“You’re right. So… Victor Nikiforov, if you’ll have me, I’d love for you to stay with me for as long as possible.” Blushing slightly, he marvelled at how Victor’s face slowly filled with emotion – joy, excitement, and _love_.

He was sure of it now.

“Yes!” Victor exclaimed before practically throwing himself into his arms.

Yuuri caught him.


	107. Chapter 107

A little later, they were both laying in bed, next to each other, broadly grinning.

“And you really just… took off? Didn’t you have any more interviews or something to do?”

Yuuri huffed. “I mean… probably? I don’t know? Oh god, Celestino will be so mad!”

Victor snickered. “He can’t be mad, you won gold.”

As if to prove it, he reached over Yuuri and picked the medal up from the nightstand and pressed a kiss to the metal. After a slight pout, he kissed Yuuri as well.

“Definitely prefer you over the medal.” The Russian declared before laying back down and looking up at the ceiling. “Yuuri?”

“Hm?”

“Did you… mean it when you said you’d rather not hide us?”

A little alarmed, he turned to look at the other.

“Well, of course, but I know that’s not an option. And… it’s okay, really. I can live with it. I knew you could never be open about this when we started. Your career, Russia… I get it.” He grinned. “If you can live with the occasionally sappy commentary in an interview, I can live with this.”

Victor dramatically clutched his chest.

“But Yuuuuri! I’m not a young man anymore! What if the excitement gives me a heart attack?”

He nudged the older man with his elbow.

“Well, I’ll be sure to nurse you back to health, then.”

The Russian pressed a kiss to the back of his palm.

Yuuri felt himself getting sleepy – the skating plus the emotional roller coaster he’d been on had really been exhausting.

“Yuuri?” Victor asked quietly.

“Mh?” He tried to stay awake as much as he could.

  
“I just… I wanted to tell you that I can’t _remember_ the last time I felt so… happy.”

He smiled softly, rolling closer to Victor.

“Nothing to thank me for. You make me happy too.”

He didn’t quite catch the other man’s reply, sleep overtaking him just a little too soon.


	108. Chapter 108

Yuuri was woken by a rather persistent knock on the door.

Rolling out of bed and stumbling across the room to yank it open, he realised he’d forgotten his glasses. Still, he recognised the other man even without them.

“…Coach?”

To his surprise, Celestino brushed past him and into the room.

A second later, panic swept over him – the other man would surely spot Victor!

“Yuuri, you need to get dressed.”

That… didn’t sound like the shock of someone who had found Victor Nikiforov in the bed of their student just now.

Putting on the glasses Ciao Ciao handed him, he looked around – indeed, no Victor. He had no idea where the other man had disappeared to – not that it really mattered. He hastily got dressed, all the while listening to his coach.

“I was able to reschedule your events yesterday, but you have catching up to do today! Honestly, what were you thinking, running off like that immediately? I was worried you had another anxiety attack or something.”

He shook his head.

“I was… I was a bit anxious, but mostly I was just… overwhelmed. Sorry, coach.”

The large man huffed.

“Don’t be. It’s okay. You did good. Really good. Come on now, let’s go and schmooze some press.”

Shoulders drooping, he followed after the other man.

He _hated_ press events.

Especially when they kept him from Victor – he’d seen neither hide nor hair of the other man. Since he couldn’t well check his phone during interviews, he had to stick to hastily checking it while walking from photo op to photo op, and so on.

All things considered, it went smoothly. His medal had put to rest talk about his declaration the day before – thank god. He’d been pushing his luck the first time in his attempt to make a smooth statement – no doubt another attempt would just come out as a stutter.

Not even at lunchtime did he get a chance to call Victor – Celestino sat with him and insisted on going through the rest of their day plan together.

Yuuri was starting to really miss his lover – not that he’d heard from him at all.

Sneaking his phone to a toilet break allowed him the few seconds of privacy he needed to send a text – he opted for a quick ‘<3?’, knowing that he didn’t have time for a proper conversation. The response was nearly immediate – Victor sent back ‘<3<3<3’.

It eased his nerves considerably. Clearly, whatever Victor was doing, wherever he was, he was okay.

Not that he wasn’t still wondering and worrying a fair bit.

Most of the afternoon passed in a blur, until he found himself in his hotel room again, ordered by Ciao Ciao to get ready for the banquet.

No Victor.

What he did find, however, was a single blue rose sitting on the bed.

Grinning like an idiot at the romantic gesture, he changed into his nicest suit (Victor-bought, of course) and carefully trimmed the de-thorned rose to fit into his chest pocket. Medal around his neck and hair slicked back, he had to admit he looked good.

  
Fighting the juvenile urge to send Victor a selfie of himself, he nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone rang.

He’d all but given up on getting in touch with the other man – naturally, it was Victor calling him now.

He picked up with a grin.


	109. Chapter 109

“Hi there, stranger.” Victor greeted him.

Yuuri chuckled – he could just about hear some background noise on Victor’s end. Wherever the man was, it wasn’t his own hotel room.

What in the world was Victor doing?

“I just thought I’d check on you. Are you almost ready for the banquet?” The Russian continued.

“Yeah. I just wish you could come with me.” The familiar stab of sadness ran through him, ruthlessly smothered at the prospect of seeing Victor afterwards – he could be patient.

“Do you?”

He laughed quietly.

“Of course, you know that. I’d love to be able to parade my beautiful lover around on my arm!”

There was a moment of silence – long enough to make him blush at his bold comment. What had gotten into him?

“Wow! I love that! Well… I’ll see you later, I suppose? You shouldn’t be late to the banquet, what with you being the star and all.”

He sighed softly.

“Yeah, I know. Where are you anyway?”

“Hm? Oh, I was getting some things sorted out. By the way, you skated beautifully today. So musical.”

“Thanks.” He didn’t mention he’d skated for Victor – the other man’s soft tone of voice rather suggested that he knew anyway.

“I look forward to seeing you later.”

He chuckled. “I’ll be out of that banquet before you know it.”

“Mh, we’ll see. Those things have a way of… not turning out the way you expect. At least for me.”

For a moment, their past hung between them, seriously and heavy, a reminder that not long ago at all, their lives had been radically different. At another banquet, actually. This time it was different.

Yuuri clutched his phone tighter.

“I _miss_ you.” He breathed into the phone.

Victor sighed at the other end of the line.

“Me too. I can’t wait to hold you later.”

He’d rarely been more reluctant to end a phone call.


	110. Chapter 110

The banquet started out just like every other kind… except that Yuuri was the centre of attention, which was, admittedly, unusual. Celestino showed him who to greet, which sponsors to thank and which other competitors to congratulate.

His coach was a fantastic guide when it came to navigating the off-the-ice side of professional figure skating. He also prevented him from slipping away and talking to Victor properly. One short chat the day after they pretty much formalised their relationship just didn’t feel like enough.

Maybe an hour or two into the evening however, things took an unexpected turn and Yuuri found himself actually paying attention. An employee of the hotel called for attention – apparently, a skater had arranged for a particularly special event, and would all guests go to a nearby conference room?

To say that people were surprised and confused was an understatement. There were all sorts of confused murmurs and guesses as to what was happening. Still, everyone followed the employee and entered the hall, where a large number of reporters and news cameras was already set up.

Yuuri found himself intrigued despite his general disinterest in the banquet. Was a skater announcing their retirement? Or a comeback? He really had no frame of reference – and Celestino didn’t seem to know either.

It took about ten minutes for everyone to be sat down and ready for the announcement. Yuuri ended up in a seat halfway to the back – the front was filled with reporters.

He’d just managed to subtly pull his phone out to text Victor about the unexpected development when it slid out of his suddenly limp fingers.

The event had started, the skater had stepped onto the podium from a side room. He’d had no real idea which of the competitors at the event had arranged the mysterious interruption of the banquet – not that he could have guessed it even with a hundred tries at the 16-people long list.

Victor Nikiforov, in all of his glory, was standing not four metres from him, holding a microphone, and waving at everyone there.

It took Victor maybe a second of looking around to make eye contact with Yuuri – he didn’t know how the other man had spotted him so quickly, but really, of all the things he was curious about, that was the least important.

He was sure his expression was exactly as dumbfounded as that of everyone else there. With the exception of him and Celestino, nobody had even known he was at the event – for good reason. What in the world was happening?

The answer shot through him like lightning – Victor’s retirement. That had to be it – after withdrawing from his own nationals, Victor was using the opportunity to announce his retirement. It made sense… and truthfully, he didn’t begrudge the other his decision either.

The fanboy in him was disappointed of course, but not as much as the rest of him was glad that Victor was finally doing what he _wanted to_.

So, he did his best to smile encouragingly at the older skater, just in case he looked over again.

He did.

Yuuri’s smile brightened to something more genuine.


	111. Chapter 111

“Ladies and gentlemen!” Victor began, his usual media smile picture perfect as he addressed the audience. “Thanks for the warm welcome here in Tokyo! I’m very sorry for so suddenly interrupting your evening, but this was simply the perfect moment for my announcement!”

Yuuri had to hand it to him – he was a master at playing to the press. Yuuri couldn’t dream of speaking so confidently and calmly to a group as large as theirs.

“Now as most of you are aware, I chose to withdrew from Russian nationals this year. A fair number of rumours has come up regarding potential injuries, crimes, all sorts of nonsense. I’m here to confirm the reason for this choice, and to also announce my plans for the future.”

He held his breath and watched as Victor gripped the microphone tighter. He wouldn’t have noticed a few months ago, but now he could read the man easily – well, most of the time anyway. Taking a deep breath, he smiled at Victor again… but this time he wasn’t looking.

His eyes were scanning the crowd again, though for what, he didn’t know.

“The reason I withdrew from nationals is that I feel I can no longer properly represent the nation of Russia as a skater.” He paused, partly for effect, partly to allow reporters to take photos – and partly, probably, to gather his nerves, Yuuri thought.

His heart was racing so hard he thought it might beat out of his chest at any moment – at the same time, he was also incredibly proud of Victor for going through with it. He knew the skater had to have an immense amount of courage to be able to see it through like this.

He wasn’t sure he could have.

“Additionally, I have found that as of late, I no longer find skating to be my passion, the way it used to be. I decided that this was the perfect opportunity for me to announce my official retirement from the Russian figure skating circuit, as well as the Russian Olympic team.”

Yuuri nodded to himself – also not unexpected. He knew Victor would almost certainly be invited to the next Olympic event as well… two birds, one stone.

Suddenly remembering his dropped phone, he picked it up and texted Victor a single ‘<3’ – the other man would see it later, but for the time being, he wanted to express his support in some way, at least.

“Now, I will not be accepting questions at this point since I’m sure that everyone is looking forward to going back to the banquet in celebration of the wonderful Yuuri Katsuki and his competitors.”

He immediately shrunk in his seat a little when Victor gestured towards him and briefly, the whole room turned to face him. Blushing, he did his best to smile until everyone’s attention turned back to the man on the podium.

Much as he was embarrassed, his heart also soared at the fact that Victor had decided to include him in his announcement, in whatever way he could, at least.

He really was lucky.

“Now, as for the reason for this move that probably comes as a surprise to all but one of the crowd here-”

Yuuri’s head snapped up in shock.


	112. Chapter 112

“Well, the truth is that I am gay. I have been all my life. Keeping it secret has taken a serious toll on me over the years, and now that I have finally found my love and life, I no longer want to live as something I’m not.”

For a moment, there was absolute silence in the room, nobody so much as breathing – and then everyone – skaters, reporters, _everyone_ – exploded in a flurry of questions, shouted at Victor in several different languages.

Not all of them were polite, but then Victor didn’t look like he cared – or was listening.

Yuuri stared up in disbelief at the other man who was stoically ignoring all the questions shouted at him. He endured it for about a minute or so, before asking for silence again. It only half-worked, but at least things quieted enough for him to be heard again.

“Now as I said, I will _not_ be answering any questions today.”

With an elegant hop, Victor jumped off the podium, still keeping a hold of the microphone and scanning the crowd.

“After all-” The man began again as he walked around the outside of the arranged rows of chairs, “I have a banquet to attend with my beautiful and talented boyfriend, Yuuri Katsuki!”

Victor reached him, finally, _finally_ , and clasped a hand on his shoulder. While it looked casual, Yuuri could feel the tension in the other man, the slight tremble in his vice-like grip.

He gulped.

The entire room was now staring at him, staring at them both. His hand slipped up to cover Victor’s, and he watched with a perverse delight as a number of confused faces turned to disbelief. Had they thought it was a joke?

As if he was a marionette pulled by its strings, he stood and faced the room, gently leaning into Victor. After a moment, he reached for the man’s microphone.

“If you’ll excuse us, we have a banquet to return to.”

Without allowing himself to think about it, he dropped the microphone in Celestino’s lap and started walking – well aware that Victor was just a step behind him. His hear was racing, his palms sweaty – as soon as the door to the conference room closed behind them, a wave of panic swept over him and his legs nearly gave out.

He found himself half-dragged somewhere – and found himself sitting in a relatively comfortable chair a few moments later. Staring at his trembling hands, he tried to make sense of what had just happened – how could what he had seen have been real? It just wasn’t possible.

Victor couldn’t have… why would he…?

A gentle, extremely hesitant hand settled on his knee – after a few moments, something heavy settled there as well.

Forcing his eyes open – and he hadn’t realised he’d even closed them – he found that Victor was sitting on the floor before him, staring up at him. He’d leaned his head against Yuuri’s knee and seemed to be waiting for… something.

Squeezing his eyes shut again, Yuuri did his best to breathe through it. The attack wasn’t that bad – he’d had worse. He’d had worse in front of _Victor_.

Blindly, he reached out for the other’s hand, relieved when Victor didn’t hesitate to grip his hand just as tightly as he gripped his.


	113. Chapter 113

It took him maybe a few minutes to calm himself down enough that he could… well, that he could talk.

And boy did he want to talk. Victor, who had been patiently sitting with him, mumbling the occasional encouragement in Russian to him, seemed to notice when he had calmed enough to finally… deal with what had happened.

Taking a deep breath he squeezed Victor’s hand one last time before straightening up a little and looking around. They were in a small room – a prep room, of some sort, probably. Victor had to have pulled him there, he realised.

“Tell me I haven’t just ruined everything between us?” Victor asked, startling him out of his thoughts, his voice small and tentative

He blinked twice.

“W-What?” He rasped out; his voice rough.

“Did I… Please tell me that I haven’t misunderstood, and you actually _wanted_ me to be open about us?”

“V-V-Victor! Please tell me that you didn’t… for me?”

The Russian chuckled softly.

“No. I didn’t. Well, maybe a little. Mostly, I did it for me. But… it was because of what you said. About not being happy that you have to keep secrets. It’s what… gave me the idea. Besides…” Victor broke off, his expression turning to a small smile.

“It was the only thing I could think of to surprise you more than you’ve surprised me with _your_ public announcement.”

For a moment, his feelings for the other man fully choked him up. Then, he managed to lean down to press a gentle kiss to the Russian’s lips.

“So… you’re not mad?” Victor asked when he pulled back

“Of course not. How could I be? But Victor… did you think this through? This… isn’t something you can undo.”

The other man stood, graceful as ever.

“Yuuri… _I don’t want to._ I’m done hiding. I want to be able to… just be with you. While I’m… with Russia, in Russia, I can’t do that.”

“But Russia is your home!” He argued.

“No Yuuri, it isn’t. _You_ are my home.”

Yuuri felt like he couldn’t breathe at the unexpected words, but Victor wasn’t done yet.

“I… I know this can’t measure up to a declaration on live television, but I love you, Yuuri. I have loved you for… for a while. So whatever happens, wherever I go is fine, as long as you are there with me.”

He distantly thought that Victor was wrong – there was no WAY some lousy interview could be better than having the Russian look him in the eye and tell him that he loved him.

Almost belated, he remembered to reply.

“I love you too, Victor. So much.”

The Russian leaned down to kiss him again – a quick peck that ended in a firm hug, each holding on to the other for strength.

“People will be mad, won’t they?” He asked against Victor’s neck.

“I should hope so.” The Russian lightly answered.

“And that… doesn’t bother you?”

“Yuuri… I spent almost the entire day debating the pros and cons of this. To be honest before you said that you… well that you wanted to be able to show me off, it never even occurred to me that this was an option.”

“What do you mean?"

“I mean that I just… assumed that it would always be like this. Having to hide. And then you mentioned that you didn’t like it, but that you were doing it for my sake. And I realised… I realised there was no reason for it, anymore.”

Yuuri gaped up at the other man.

“I had… I don’t want to… keep competing. I want to stay with you, which won’t be in Russia, so what’s stopping me? Yuuri, I watched your exhibition skate, watched how… happy and free you looked. And… I wanted to feel that way too. I wanted us to _both_ feel that way. Together.”

He reached for the Russian’s hand.


	114. Chapter 114

“Victor, that’s… I don’t know what to say.” It was the truth – there were so many emotions swirling through him, too many to even begin to name.

“Say… say that I haven’t ruined us? That you’re not mad? And maybe that… you still love me? Even if I’ll be an unemployed has-been skater soon?” The other man’s tone was light, but Yuuri could hear that he really did need the reassurances.

“You haven’t ruined anything. I’m not mad at all, just… worried. About you. I want you to be happy. And of course I love you.” The words still felt unfamiliar, spoken out loud, but they had been true for a while.

“Okay. That’s good. Then… then maybe we should go now? We can talk more later.”

“Go… where?”

Victor grinned.

“Well, to the banquet of course. Haven’t you heard? My boyfriend just won a gold medal at nationals and I fully intend to celebrate with him at the banquet!”

Laughing at Victor’s excited tone, he followed the other back to the banquet hall, his emotions still in turmoil, even as they were settling on something… positive. Happiness. Some shock. Awe at the courage his lover… his boyfriend had just shown.

He’d have never had the strength to do so, but Victor… Victor’s only concern was whether Yuuri minded. As if he would. All he could think about was how badly he wanted to dance with Victor at the banquet. Openly. For everyone to see, because they belonged together.

He wasn’t sure what sort of reception he expected when they opened the doors to the banquet hall – the room was fuller than before, and all attention turned towards them when they entered.

He hesitated in the door, just long enough for Victor to wrap his arm around his waist and pull him another step forward.

A moment later, the soft sound of clapping filled the room. First, just one or two people, then more and more joined in, until almost everyone was applauding them. There were even a few wolf whistles that made him blush and Victor laugh brightly.

Embarrassed, he grabbed Victor’s hand and pulled him to the dancefloor.

They had some dancing to do.


End file.
